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Old 11-21-2012, 12:33 PM
 
Location: Pa
20,300 posts, read 22,184,820 times
Reputation: 6552

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The system is clearly flawed. It is delivered with no consistancy and there is no system in place to ensure the child support paid by fathers is in fact used to benefit the child. I firmly believe that the system is biased and at times unreasonable.
There is no doubt in my mind that the system produces dead beat dad's. No not all dead beats are a result of a very flawed system, but many are.
In 1998 I divorced. My exes idea.
I paid 1409. per month in support for 2 children. That left me 980.00 a month to live on, pay my bills and somehow have a few dollars to spend on my kids during weekend visits.
How can anyone say that this is fair, right, or even just?
When I asked how I was supposed to live I was told I could go get a second job......
When I asked why she didnt need to get a job I was basically told to shut up.
Now if I go for a second job she can then take me back to DRS and demand more money.
If it were not for me my kids would have worn salvation army rags. So we made a deal. I would buy my sons clothes and the ex would buy for my daughter.
My son wore Levi's and Nikes my daughter was left with Salvation army specials.
I bought clothes for my daughter and the ex bought a piano.
When I asked DRS why she wasn't forced to spend the money I gave her on my children I was told that there is no law that says she has to.
I detest a dead beat dad. I never missed a payment and was never late. I ate cheap macaroni and cheese 2 meals a day 5 days a week for months but my kids never went without and I paid my bills.
The system is deeply flawed and no one can honestly say it looks out for the kids bests interests.
In Luzerne County Pa all dads are bad and all moms are good. 7 doctors file a med neglect complaint against mom? Not good enough.
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Old 11-21-2012, 12:34 PM
 
78,025 posts, read 60,232,230 times
Reputation: 49418
The problem here is blanket statements being fought with....blanket statements.

The problem isn't with ALL or even MOST single moms but with a portion of single moms AND the deadbeats.

We can all trade anecdotal information about ourselves, friends, cousins etc. that were wronged here and there but it's meaningless.

The best thing we can do is treat others fairly and not make insulting blanket statements about others.

Everyone have a great holiday.
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Old 11-21-2012, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Keosauqua, Iowa
9,614 posts, read 21,208,281 times
Reputation: 13664
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey View Post
You can spend years building a life with someone and they can leave at a moments notice.
For the record, women do this too.
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Old 11-21-2012, 12:44 PM
 
15,499 posts, read 10,444,305 times
Reputation: 15787
Quote:
Originally Posted by lpfan921 View Post
For Doll Eyes benefit

She makes a good point. I don't see why people have such condescending attitudes toward single mothers. Most of the single moms i know make significant sacrifices to try and give their kids a better life. A lot of them do an admirable job raising their kids with no emotional support or financial help. Some get financial help from the government. That's the purpose of public assistance. To help people who work hard and try their best but just can't seem to make ends meet on their own. To all the people complaining about tax money, do you really want to live in a society so heartless that we don't help anybody? I'm not in favor of giving money to people who don't work, but many of these women work their a$$es off.

The real problem i have is with deadbeat dads. These guys need to step it up. They are a real burden on society.
I have no problem with helping working single moms who are experiencing some temporary difficulties. It's the non working one's that slay me. There are some great single dads out there too, but for the most part it still the mom's who carry the burden.
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Old 11-21-2012, 12:47 PM
 
Location: Pa
20,300 posts, read 22,184,820 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elan View Post
I have no problem with helping working single moms who are experiencing some temporary difficulties. It's the non working one's that slay me. There are some great single dads out there too, but for the most part it still the mom's who carry the burden.
And this is the result of a flawed system that seems to feel that only moms are qualified to be good parents. i dont know a single divorced father that doesnt wish for more time with their kids. Most wanted custody but like myself were told the courts will never give the dad primary custody unless gross neglect on the part of the mother could be proven.
Here is a hint. 16 days in an ICU and 7 Doctors filing med. neglect complaints against mommy dearest wasn't enough.
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Old 11-21-2012, 12:54 PM
 
29,409 posts, read 21,969,904 times
Reputation: 5455
The sad truth is all a woman has to do in a divorce is say she "thinks" hubby may have touched their child the "wrong" way and they will be lucky to ever see their children again. No evidence needed. That is how the "system" works.
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Old 11-21-2012, 12:55 PM
 
Location: Pa
20,300 posts, read 22,184,820 times
Reputation: 6552
Quote:
Originally Posted by KUchief25 View Post
The sad truth is all a woman has to do in a divorce is say she "thinks" hubby may have touched their child the "wrong" way and they will be lucky to ever see their children again. No evidence needed. That is how the "system" works.
Very true and in fact my lawyer warned me to expect such a dirty trick.
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Old 11-21-2012, 12:59 PM
 
Location: Midwest City, Oklahoma
14,856 posts, read 8,181,243 times
Reputation: 4590
Look, I understand the desire to want to help single mothers.


The problem is a psychological problem. If you make women just as fiscally capable being a single mother as they would be if they had stayed with their boyfriend/husband. Then you are effectively encouraging people to be single mothers/parents.

A child from a single-parent family is at a huge disadvantage to a child from a two-parent family. So ultimately we want to keep families together.


The problem with a lot of women, is that it is simply too easy to be a single mother. Everything is paid for. They get food stamps, housing, TANF/child support, and many other benefits. If they work, they'll get tax credits.


I had this discussion with my sister a while back. She wondered why I didn't have any children, and she assumed it was because I felt it was too expensive.

At the time, I had little income. And I said, look, I would be better off financially if I had children.

If I had had two children for instance back then. I would have received food stamps for raising them, which would have also helped to pay for my own food. There are Christmas programs that hand out tons of toys to poor kids every year. There are programs to buy poor kids clothings. There are programs that help you pay your bills. And on top of that I would have gotten about $4,000 additional on my tax return.

The $4,000 plus the food stamps helping to pay for my food, would have easily offset any costs of raising the children throughout the year. Because I wouldn't have spent more than $400 a month on two children. The increased cost per month, might have been about $200 total, in toiletries, transportation, and additional housing expenses. Probably less.



Anyway, that is sort of the problem. When having children comes at no cost, or has financial benefits. Then what is stopping people from having children? If women receive more benefits raising children alone, than with the father of their children, they will raise children alone.

The downfall of that, is for one, single-parent households. And two, it is people who tend to be less choosy about their "mates". Basically, the system we have now is helping to destroy society, and make us worse off, on a variety of levels.

No matter how cruel it sounds, single-parent families basically need to suffer, so that there will be less single-parent families.
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Old 11-21-2012, 01:06 PM
 
29,409 posts, read 21,969,904 times
Reputation: 5455
Quote:
Originally Posted by tinman01 View Post
Very true and in fact my lawyer warned me to expect such a dirty trick.
Not just in divorce cases but any type of abuse case and that is all that needs to be done. The old we're looking for the best interests of the child is always thrown out. Buddy of mine's wife got custody and became a meth head and shacked up with some dealer and his three kids were there and the cops showed up the whole stand down thing. He still had to fight to the teeth to get custody. It was complete insanity.
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Old 11-21-2012, 01:07 PM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
33,942 posts, read 22,466,189 times
Reputation: 25806
Quote:
Originally Posted by KUchief25 View Post
The sad truth is all a woman has to do in a divorce is say she "thinks" hubby may have touched their child the "wrong" way and they will be lucky to ever see their children again. No evidence needed. That is how the "system" works.
Shame on any woman who would do this intentionally and without merit. It is in the best interest of the child to be involved with BOTH parents - assuming they are both good parents.

I detest people who use their children as pawns in a messy divorce.

Spoken by a single Mom ~ not vindictive ~ and dependent on no one financially.
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