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Old 12-04-2012, 04:56 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
1,991 posts, read 3,479,532 times
Reputation: 895

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jasper03 View Post
Some men are less likely to file for divorce because they compartmentalize their needs. Meaning if they have a wife at home to manage the house they will get their needs for sex/emotional connection elsewhere and just be content to live in a dead marriage indefinitely.
Well I already said that people who just up and cheat can expect a failed marriage. Cheating because you're bored with your spouse is the absolute worst reason. Because the spouse willfully stopped putting out for a long time is less bad a reason but still is wrong. But I wasn't talking about sex. I was talking about emotional childishness where if he forgets one too many anniversaries or if he doesn't really get into the deep emotional conversations etc then she 1. Always gets vague about her gripe, 2. Doesn't try to negotiate X minutes of talk time per week or whatever to quantify or specify a workable solution, and 3. Doesn't follow up with reminders of the agreed upon items, etc so as to behave like an adult and not like a movie teen who expects her mind read and her emotions anticipated and jumped to to accommodate- then wants out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jasper03 View Post

Women are also more likely to be the partner who wants to go to counseling while many men seem to think that marital counseling is B.S. It's like they expect a woman to just be satisfied with the miserable status quo of an emotionally stunted relationship.
It's more like why is it always the WOMAN who gets to set the definition of emotionally stunted. Emotionally stunted is always subjective and dependent on the particular woman for some reason- the woman always seems to want and expect the power in the relationship to define what is ok and what is stunted. A man can communicate very well all the relevant aspects of making the family daily and monthly activities function and that still equal stunted to many women. And the worst part is that women are defining stunted these days based on unrealistic movie screen expectations.

You see old married couples even where the man isn't a big feely talker because people then had a more realistic view of marriage where it was about the ROLES, it was about the life built together, and was understood that you get ps'd at somebody's shortcomings when you're married but you stick it out because too death do you part had few loopholes, and emotional needs not met wasn't one of them. It understood love. Love is what you do, not how you feel. Love is staying at a job that kicks your butt because your wife and child are depending on you. It's not what Hollywood romanticized it as. It's not Leo Dicaprio dancing around a sinking ship. It's old people grumbling at each other but knowing they were there for each other to help each other through every crisis that life threw at them. Marriage is about partnering up to overcome life's challenges, not about how many 2/14s you got the right gift on or how good a mind reader you were or how many smooth "you complete me" lines of game you dropped on the wife.

Men don't like counseling because we figure that's a lot of money and discomfort when the wife could just write a list of what she wants and let the husband negotiate with her on a compromise. Women are more likely to say they're not connecting like before than to say let's spend 30 minutes on a couple days out of the week talking about stuff she's interested in, and if he does then that's enough to ensure she won't get discontented. They are less likely to be simple and plain and specific ahead of time but are quick to want to get specific in counseling. They are too quick to say they wish he would talk more and too slow to tell him 20 minutes on 3 days a week, dude, or else I'm an angry wife with a deal breaker to react to, then negotiate to 20 minutes 2 times a week or whatever. Women make things too complicated when they could make them simple, and counseling is a complication more so than anything, especially when there is no anger/abusive or drunkard or similar emotional dysfunction at work.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jasper03 View Post
Seems like many men are stubborn and don't want to work on their relationships.
The main reason is the same reason people don't want to work on jobs where expectations are poorly defined. A boss who doesn't plainly lay out what the job entails but wants to give you harsh performance evaluations is a boss that employees want to try to work around the best they can or not deal with at all. Work is encouraged when tasks are clear and good/bad ratings criteria are as well. Put simply- give a man a list of things you want him to do to guarantee not being fired, let him negotiate the list to come to a mutually agreed upon set of criteria, don't reneg on the list and up the ante, and you'll find men to be more than willing to do the job, to do the work on their relationships as dictated by what they agreed to on the list.

Those who don't will probably have deeper issues including alcoholism or mental health issues or they just don't want to be married any more. But how many women have you ever heard of making a wife emotional happiness list with specific actions and negotiating it with her husband? She'd rather pay a counselor to itemize her wants for her and negotiate them for her at a huge charge while embarrassing her husband. Emotional laziness.

A woman can make a Christmas list but can't make an emotional wants list. And she's supposed to be in touch with her emotions. Go figure.
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Old 12-04-2012, 05:18 PM
 
Location: Prepperland
13,699 posts, read 9,794,632 times
Reputation: 9728
The whole problem with relationships can be summed up as : "equal superior rights and special treatment for unequal responsibilities and inequitable burdens."
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Old 12-04-2012, 05:38 PM
 
8,648 posts, read 15,258,873 times
Reputation: 4567
He needs to serve the 180 days and as soon as he is released and before she can re-file he needs to get out of the state...
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Old 12-04-2012, 06:55 PM
 
Location: Ohio
3,441 posts, read 5,168,097 times
Reputation: 2667
Quote:
Originally Posted by West of Encino View Post
Another way for men to not pay child support is not get into a relationship with a single mother. Leave those types alone!

single motherhood produces emasculated males. They're already represented in the government, courts, and law enforcement.

I say BULL STUFFING on that one. Really need to stop listening the addicts Rush and Beck.

I know of MANY males that grew up in houses without a "father" for one reason or another, and they grew to be BETTER men than most that grew up in a house with a father.

If ANY of the males around when I was young were "men", I will take a pass and be whatever I am now.
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Old 12-04-2012, 06:58 PM
 
Location: Armsanta Sorad
5,660 posts, read 6,828,916 times
Reputation: 2440
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trackwatch View Post
I say BULL STUFFING on that one. Really need to stop listening the addicts Rush and Beck.

I know of MANY males that grew up in houses without a "father" for one reason or another, and they grew to be BETTER men than most that grew up in a house with a father.

If ANY of the males around when I was young were "men", I will take a pass and be whatever I am now.
Whether raised in a single-female household or a two-parent household where the father is already emasculated, 95% of the time those males growing up are most likely to turn against their own gender.
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Old 12-04-2012, 07:08 PM
 
Location: Ohio
3,441 posts, read 5,168,097 times
Reputation: 2667
Quote:
Originally Posted by West of Encino View Post
Whether raised in a single-female household or a two-parent household where the father is already emasculated, 95% of the time those males growing up are most likely to turn against their own gender.

What do you consider emasculated? Turn against their own gender? If I believe the guy is wrong, DAMN STRAIGHT I will turn against him.
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Old 12-04-2012, 07:26 PM
 
Location: Texas State Fair
8,566 posts, read 9,639,851 times
Reputation: 4227
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogersParkGuy View Post
Well, this is one aspect of the situation. Part of my job is filing appeals in child support cases. Let me tell you about some of the other aspects.

Did you know that nationwide, almost 60% of men who owe child support don't pay? And that's just the ones with standing court orders. There are many, many more cases where women just don't file for support, hoping that by not doing so, the man will treat her and the children better. It rarely works. In most cases, the man just ends up walking away and sticking the mothers--or taxpayers--with the bills. Far more women then men are driven to destitution in cases like this. I am not unsympathetic to this man's predicament. But there is a larger reality this video ignores.
There may be another reality which this video does not address but if there is a larger reality to this man's dilemma then it is unknown not only to the viewing audience but to the court as well.

This guy made it clear his wife was demanding support in excess of his ability to provide. I wouldn't be surprised if her home might reflect a like expectation of her behalf. But neither is the home an issue at hand. The issue is that the law seems to allow the woman to set the terms of expectation, regardless of ability of the now victim to comply. Apparently he was willing to pay his child support. The demands of the mother have resulted in his incarceration. Only now is he completely prevented from even attempting to aid in the support of his sons.

I don't take it that either the OP or the video intended to address fathers who refuse to participate in the support of their children.
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Old 12-05-2012, 05:31 AM
 
Location: NJ = liberalism is a mental disorder!
6,456 posts, read 4,368,755 times
Reputation: 3934
Other than not paying child support there are more ways a Man married or not gets to go to jail (while a high percentage of the time he's done nothing wrong) because of a Woman.

Think about it.
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Old 12-05-2012, 05:55 AM
 
Location: Lehigh Valley, PA
2,311 posts, read 3,595,015 times
Reputation: 5317
With all this arguing there is a question that needs to be asked; Why is their breeding occurring to begin with?
Early on in my life I decided not to be burdened by children and so subsequently I sought a compatible spouse based on this decision.

Having children creates a "" suckers bet "" on many fronts.

The largest of which is the divorcing of parents and the money that is needed to ensure the child's needs are taken care of.
I understand the cost of raising a child but I sure as hell never wanted to part with the money needed to do that job and neither did my wife so we never did.

If you can't resist your urge and social pressure to have children and actually have them then both of you have to own that decision and deal with it.

And when it comes to any alimony that is owed if my wife and I ever divorced falls on her because she makes more than I do.

Remember this, you play you PAY!!!
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Old 12-05-2012, 07:05 AM
 
Location: Westchester County
1,096 posts, read 1,382,364 times
Reputation: 971
As a male I understand men get screwed when it comes to family court, and like most of these government entities a lot of their problems could be corrected if more energy was spent on cracking down on those men (and women) who try to get over on the system. I know at least two (2) women whose ex husbands have hid their assets and just ignored court appearances. The difference is these men don't have jobs with either a city or government agency where they won't let you get away with that behavior. If the person is self employed, or works for a private company its harder to keep track of said person's salary info, or get a copy of their 1099s or W-2s.
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