Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
When it comes to child support nobody, especially not the courts or legal system, "hates men". The bottom line is when a baby is born someone has to take responsibility for it financially, or the taxpayers have too. It's like the people who complain about immigrants bringing over their relatives and then having them go on the dole.
Basically, if you create it then you are responsible for it. That is a very simple thing, why would men having any problems whatsoever if they know that from day 1? DO NOT IMPREGNATE ANYONE.
It goes for women too, only they have additional responsibilities, such as carrying and giving birth and usually devoting the rest of their lives to the child even if the dad doesn't stick around to help raise it. And if the women is so horrible you know you are partially to blame since you chose to stick it to her, literally.
Don't forget the lawyers contributions to the problems
There are so many sleazy and outright whacky lawyers in the divorce business, a good percentage of problems could be solved by cracking down on them and their fees.
I've seen women lawyers that simply hate men, male lawyers that promise women incredible sums, and often make them liars to get more money (for themselves, with high fees)...and a whole scattering of people that should not be practicing law at all.
There are some really good and honest lawyers - (Unfortunately many members of this group will not touch a divorce case).
There is also a big problem with many judges, simply being biased towards men (and viewing women as helplesss damsels). And there are the court systems that are 50 years behind the times (such as in New York).
The best advice I can give people is that there is nothing wrong with good old fashioned marriage - Just make sure you know who you are marrying. For instance, listen to your friends observations...they may see something you do not see.
Just as importantly, listen to their friends - there is always one or two that will try to give you hints that they (your intended spouse) are not all perfect...listen carefully to what they are trying to say to you.
Also look at your intended spouse's family (especially their mother and father)...As time goes by, and they stop "putting on their best" for you - they will become their parent.
And there is nothing wrong about knowing 100% of your spouses finances....It does not matter if your mother or father had a little something set aside - You are not marrying them....You are marrying someone you will not really know until some crisis evolves.
So, know where every nickel is...
Also look at their friends....If they have friends that cheat - they probably cheat. (Remember that guy who found out he was actually paying for another guys child...and the court said he had to keep paying...)
Knowing all about each others finances will help both of you in a divorce and child support settlements.
And like someone said - show up at court at all times. Get a good lawyer and listen to them.
If they tell you "this is the best that will happen" - they are probably telling the truth.
But, like I said - the best thing is knowing what you are getting into....That person you know who is not the best looking or sexiest looking person, but treats you well, is probably the best for a long term relationship.
If you are seeing someone that always dresses and acts seductively, but claims they are doing it for you...Think about how that works out - For instance, when they are going out for the night with their friends, and not you....Or if they dress that way at work...
And as long as the court seems to be given you a legally fair deal (again a good lawyer will be helpful for you understanding this), live with it.
Pay or accept the amount without trying to cheat your ex....Think of your children, not yourself.
It will make their lives a lot easier if you are civil to each other.
I reckon most of these judges and lawyers are products of single mothers. Single motherhood does tend to breed bigots.
Quote:
Originally Posted by migee
There are so many sleazy and outright whacky lawyers in the divorce business, a good percentage of problems could be solved by cracking down on them and their fees.
I've seen women lawyers that simply hate men, male lawyers that promise women incredible sums, and often make them liars to get more money (for themselves, with high fees)...and a whole scattering of people that should not be practicing law at all.
There are some really good and honest lawyers - (Unfortunately many members of this group will not touch a divorce case).
There is also a big problem with many judges, simply being biased towards men (and viewing women as helplesss damsels). And there are the court systems that are 50 years behind the times (such as in New York).
The best advice I can give people is that there is nothing wrong with good old fashioned marriage - Just make sure you know who you are marrying. For instance, listen to your friends observations...they may see something you do not see.
Just as importantly, listen to their friends - there is always one or two that will try to give you hints that they (your intended spouse) are not all perfect...listen carefully to what they are trying to say to you.
Also look at your intended spouse's family (especially their mother and father)...As time goes by, and they stop "putting on their best" for you - they will become their parent.
And there is nothing wrong about knowing 100% of your spouses finances....It does not matter if your mother or father had a little something set aside - You are not marrying them....You are marrying someone you will not really know until some crisis evolves.
So, know where every nickel is...
Also look at their friends....If they have friends that cheat - they probably cheat. (Remember that guy who found out he was actually paying for another guys child...and the court said he had to keep paying...)
Knowing all about each others finances will help both of you in a divorce and child support settlements.
And like someone said - show up at court at all times. Get a good lawyer and listen to them.
If they tell you "this is the best that will happen" - they are probably telling the truth.
But, like I said - the best thing is knowing what you are getting into....That person you know who is not the best looking or sexiest looking person, but treats you well, is probably the best for a long term relationship.
If you are seeing someone that always dresses and acts seductively, but claims they are doing it for you...Think about how that works out - For instance, when they are going out for the night with their friends, and not you....Or if they dress that way at work...
And as long as the court seems to be given you a legally fair deal (again a good lawyer will be helpful for you understanding this), live with it.
Pay or accept the amount without trying to cheat your ex....Think of your children, not yourself.
It will make their lives a lot easier if you are civil to each other.
Marriage (and especially family formation) is a very risky proposition for an American man. Ideally, things will work out just fine, and that does happen in many cases. But when things go wrong, they can go absolutely cataclysmically wrong. On top of custody and monetary support issues, false abuse and even rape/molestation allegations are relatively frequent during acrimonious divorces.
I would not personally advise an American male to get married in the US, or start a family in the US. It's just too risky. At some point, these things become simple cost/benefit measurements, and the potential costs are quite extreme if things go sour later on.
Considering that the average age of first marriage in the US is gradually rising into the 30's, and that the birth-rate hit a 70-year-low last year, this sentiment may be seeping into the mainstream of society.
I have never heard of anyone being expected to pay 70% of their take home pay in child support.
I am sure it happens but it's not common stuff at lower and middle incomes. Of course the number of children matter, too. 40-50% seems to be the normal range assuming 2-3 minor children.
Alimony is increasing rare and/or limited in duration in all but the very wealthy.
Courts often require the family home to be sold.
Most SAHM have to go back to work after their divorce, to make ends meet.
That's child suport and alimony for her and, then, their 4 kids. It's 5 kids now. 20% for the first child, 20% to her in alimony, and 10% for each additional child. He, literally, cannot afford to get a divorce.
He's not the first man I've seen in this position. Dh has a friend who stayed in his marriage about a dozen years longer than he wanted to for the same reason. He still had to pay his ex alimony but, at least he didn't have the hefty child support bill. The courts feel sorry for stay at home moms. It's like they think her staying home was some gift to him and he needs to compensate her for that when it's usually the other way around. Him letting her stay at home was a gift to her.
I used to work with a guy who was just incredulous when his wife divorced him. After years of struggling, financially, so she could stay home because that's what SHE wanted. He had to pay through the nose because she was a poor stay at home mom in the eyes of the court. He busted his butt working OT to give her what she wanted and all it did was cost him more in the divorce. They only had two kids so he's not living on less than half of his income though.
So I'll amend my earlier post. Keep your wives working and don't have too many kids. Having a stay at home wife will cost you and so will too many kids.
My state revokes drivers licences of deadbeat dads. Is this common nationally? I have mixed feelings about it. Yes deadbeat dads should be punished. But not having transportation is not going to make it easier for them to ever pay child support.
Alimony is increasingly uncommon for low-middle income families.
Proof of paternity is common stuff.
Not sure how a court ordered this guy to pay more than he earns. Speculation on my part is that he is self-employed and can play with the $, a common strategy.
Most states determine visitation/custody rights independent of child support. The parent who is behind on child support is still allowed to see his/her kids, in most cases. In the majority of these cases, the dad prefers to have nothing to do with his own children.
The # one reason why women with young children receive welfare benefits is because of dead beat dads, who may or may not have been married to the mother of their children. Tax payers end up picking up the burden when dads refuse to honor their obligations to their children.
Men who fear the consequences of child support are best off keeping their junk in the trunk.
God gave them 2 hands for a reason.
It's possible his income changed or that the courts imputed income because of decisions he made. For example, maybe he only worked part time so they imputed full time income but he was unable to find a full time job or he had been working on big projects that dried up and the courts thought his drop in income was deliberate because of the divorce. I would think the amount could be adjusted if he simply could not earn the income.
When dh and I separated, I had to have income imputed to him because his career choices resulted in him earning 60% of what I did when he had the potential to out earn me had he made better choices (he made the choices he did because he had my income to fall back on. He chose what he liked instead of what could make him the most.). If my lawyer had not done this, I could have ended up with the kids AND having to pay HIM alimony. Unfortunately, that imputed income is included in determining child support whether he actually earned it or not. Fortunately, for him, as a working mom, so was my income. However, if I had been a stay at home mom, I could have burned him big time on that one. I would have gotten 20% of the imputed income in alimony and 30% for the kids or half of an amount he didn't actually earn.
Courts will do the same thing with wives but it doesn't do much good if she has no education or job skills. I have, personally, known two men who were ordered to pay well over half of their income to their wives in a divorce (uneducated wives with no job skills in both cases so they could not impute income to them). Both chose to stay married (in name anyway) because the bill was too high. One had 4 kids at the time they filed and one had 5. Neither wife worked.
The moral of the story is marry someone who has, at least, your earning potential and keep her working. That way you avoid alimony and when you split your retirement fund, she splits hers too. You'll also have more assets to split at the time of divorce. Problems arise when one partner, significantly, out earns the other and they divorce. That's when the courts get unfair.
In my opinion, if you want to dissuade people from getting married you would post a series of videos of married couples shopping for Christmas trees or you would ask them to watch HGTV couples choose a house to buy.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Don't forget the lawyers contributions to the problems
