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Old 02-08-2013, 03:24 AM
 
Location: Earth
24,639 posts, read 24,816,280 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Californian34 View Post
Yeah, there is normal child exploration and then there is sexually acting out in a way that is inappropriate for children. This type of behavior suggests one or more of these children have been molested or, at the very least, exposed to pornography. Sad.
Or the news or TV.
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Old 02-08-2013, 03:32 AM
 
Location: Too far from home.
8,743 posts, read 5,775,064 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gizmo980 View Post
Do your own research... I get paid for that kind of work, and don't feel like doing it on my break.

(I'll try to look for some info later, but again, it's fairly common knowledge to anyone who's read anything about human sexuality)
I'm not going to research YOUR claim. Try using "Google", it's your friend and you will find info countering your "common knowledge" claim. Children are very capable of stimulation (self and otherwise), which could lead to "dry" orgasm. Self stimulation is discovered when a child starts to "explore" their own body, a normal curiosity (common knowledge my friend)
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Old 02-08-2013, 06:00 AM
 
Location: Earth
24,639 posts, read 24,816,280 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saritaschihuahua View Post
It's pretty horrible, and would ruin my day, my week, and my year. Kids aren't meant to walk in on parents having sex.
Yet they do.
It happens.
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Old 02-08-2013, 06:35 AM
 
Location: Oxford, England
13,036 posts, read 22,012,684 times
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Kids are always going to experiment sexually from a very early age, it is part of the growing process but I must admit oral sex seems to be quite an advanced "technique" for 4 year olds. It does imply mimicking something they have seen whether on TV or in real life having observed parents.

It is perfectly normal for kids to investigate their bodies and play with it but what the OP mentions is one step further from this and becomes a very thought about premeditated thing IMO. Oral sex is not just investigating your body and how it functions.... It really goes a little further than that.

However I think one of the worst thing you could do with those kids is make too much of an issue about it. I suspect at that age they are not viewing it quite in the same way as we do and to "highlight" the very sexual disturbing nature of it will only fuel their interest further.

I am not quite sure how I would handle it as a parent to be honest, it is quite a delicate balance between wanting to discourage them in the future but also making it seem "dirty" and thus also giving them a rather skewed view of sexuality for the future.

Our society is overly sexualised IMO. We have this idea that sex is paramount for our happiness and well being, that sex is a commodity whilst also inferring it is dirty and something to be slightly ashamed of.

IMO we need to be far more open about sex to kids but in a very age appropriate and responsible adult mature manner. Because whether we like it or not kids will be exposed to pornography, to the sexualisation and objectification of sex as the be and end of it all in society at large.

We are the ones who have degraded something perfectly healthy and normal and made it sleazy and the damage is going to be hard to undo unless we too start re-assessing our views of sex.

Kids are curious. They will explore, they will question and they will experiment.They are also sponges and they absorb and mimic what adults do. Toddlers now try to emulate the way pop stars and actresses sing , dance, act , dress so considering we seem to revere and put those people on a pedestal it is quite normal for children to assume this is fine and normal.

Perhaps if WE as adults took a more mature approach to sex we could pass on more healthy values to our kids ?

Trying to hide stuff from kids in a world which is so media driven is almost impossible. Not sure how you get the horse back into the stables on that one...

Being sexually repressed is bad, but over-sexualisation is just as bad. We have gone from one extreme to another with nothing even remotely approaching a healthy mental middle.

Nothing wrong with oral sex but between kids age 4 and 5 ? Mmmmm. I think somewhere something might have got a little out of hand.

Kids are not allowed to grow up at their own natural normal pace now but expected to handle more and more at a younger age. Our bodies and minds are meant to be developing at a certain pace.

Sexual experimentation and the discovery and understanding growing up brings is meant to happen slowly so we can not only come to grips with it emotionally and physically but also enjoy the process.

We have made everything about sex nowadays rather than incorporating sex into a normal healthy life. We are sold society sex as the panacea for all ills, and bombarded with images which quite frankly are there to titillate nothing more. And are inescapable unless you retire to a place which has no TV, Radio, Computers or Advertising of any kind.

And yes kids to walk on parents having sex and it will be far more embarassing to the parents than the kids (if they are young anway ). It is not what they see which will scar them but how you handle this. You can choose to go off the deep end or do the brave and mature thing, grab the bull by the horns and explain about sex.

I remember my Dad ( single Dad) who was obviously terribly uncomfortable telling me about such things but who still had the courage at all stages of childhood to explain things to me.

Everything was age appropriate but I was never left in the dark. And if I asked ANY questions no matter how strange he would answer them, albeit with a strained expression !

In many ways I think he got more embarassed as I got older and older ! I was far more informed than any of the girls in my Catholic schools .

He also made it very plain when I was very small that my private parts were not to be be interefered with by ANYONE including himself and that I should immediately tell someone I trusted if this ever happened.

I had not idea what child abuse was at 4 but I bloody well knew it was not right if someone did things to me. Unlike most of my school-friends I was not shocked when I got my first periods and not that embarassed to have and ask my Dad to take me to the shop to get my first bra.Though his face was a picture ! Poor Dad.

I think it must be awfully hard to have a teenage Daughter on the cusp of womanhood he still wants to pretend is his little Girl !

Sex is not embarrassing, it is not dirty, nor disgusting but it should come within an age appropriate emotional framework and this should be explained to children. The mechanics are one thing, the emotions and psychological upheaval which come with it have to also be addressed.
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Old 02-08-2013, 06:50 AM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,601,174 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer View Post
Kids are always going to experiment sexually from a very early age, it is part of the growing process but I must admit oral sex seems to be quite an advanced "technique" for 4 year olds. It does imply mimicking something they have seen whether on TV or in real life having observed parents.

It is perfectly normal for kids to investigate their bodies and play with it but what the OP mentions is one step further from this and becomes a very thought about premeditated thing IMO. Oral sex is not just investigating your body and how it functions.... It really goes a little further than that.
You are right that it is unusual. What people seem unable to grasp is that even a world in which there were zero instances of child sexual abuse, the child population would still have a 'bell curve' when it comes to sexual precocity, with some at the leading edge and some at the lagging edge. There's a finite number of body parts, and among all pairs of children with enough privacy and time on their hands, a few are bound to figure out oral sex just by trial and error.
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Old 02-08-2013, 07:21 AM
 
17,497 posts, read 10,651,701 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gizmo980 View Post
Try reading that WHOLE string of the conversation, and it might make more sense to you. I didn't bring up HBO, I was only responding to a comment made by claudhopper... in fact, I was wondering the connection too!
I have been following and HBO kept coming up...........I myself don't think she learned this from TV. Self exploring and "show me yours and I'll show you mine" is very expectable, giving BJ on the playground, not so much. One does have to wonder were this little girl's life may go, children don't go around putting things like that in their mouths just to experiment.

I worked for several years around daycares, masturbating was something we saw at nap time, but performing on others was not something we encountered.
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Old 02-08-2013, 09:49 AM
 
Location: NY
28 posts, read 33,507 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saritaschihuahua View Post
Hopefully we'll find out. Is it that the children saw something at home? Is it abused kids? Is it experimentation gone f_d up out of control and into lunacy?

I personally prefer to see kids remain completely ignorant of sex and playing with dolls and Legos until they're 13, if you ask me. There's absolutely nothing wrong with kids not learning anything about real sex until they're fairly old. I personally think kids should be discouraged from any self experimentation, but not in a crazy way, angry way. Just saying "no" is plenty. Kids need to have a childhood - childhood movies, nice things. When sex enters into childhood, no matter how, I think things are bound to go VERY BAD. My parents used the locked door method of being together. Sometimes they'd be in the bedroom locked, we'd knock and yell, but they'd be in there, all nice and locked in. We thought they were arguing silently.
Don't agree with this. This mentality is the reason why things like this occur. Parents need to be more proactive in their child's life regarding sex. IMO, parents should start discussing body parts at a young age and teach children about boundaries and protecting their bodies. Parents who hide their head in the sand seem to be uncomfortable with the fact that humans are sexual beings even at a young age. If you aren't teaching your kids then they are learning from their peers who are often misinformed.
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Old 02-08-2013, 11:43 AM
 
Location: Bay Area, CA
29,041 posts, read 45,010,327 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 3~Shepherds View Post
I have been following and HBO kept coming up...........I myself don't think she learned this from TV. Self exploring and "show me yours and I'll show you mine" is very expectable, giving BJ on the playground, not so much. One does have to wonder were this little girl's life may go, children don't go around putting things like that in their mouths just to experiment.

I worked for several years around daycares, masturbating was something we saw at nap time, but performing on others was not something we encountered.
Yes, and that's exactly what I said. Again, I didn't bring up HBO first... and in that very post you're quoting, said it has no connection (and that this reeks of sexual abuse). Why aren't you saying all of this to claudhopper? After all, he's the only one who seems to think late-night programming for adults = kids doing inappropriate things in school.

Last edited by gizmo980; 02-08-2013 at 11:52 AM..
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Old 02-08-2013, 11:47 AM
 
Location: Bay Area, CA
29,041 posts, read 45,010,327 times
Reputation: 20425
Quote:
Originally Posted by softblueyz View Post
I'm not going to research YOUR claim. Try using "Google", it's your friend and you will find info countering your "common knowledge" claim. Children are very capable of stimulation (self and otherwise), which could lead to "dry" orgasm. Self stimulation is discovered when a child starts to "explore" their own body, a normal curiosity (common knowledge my friend)
Haha... I'm a professional reference librarian, and thus don't consider Google as equivalent to real research.

That silly comment aside, I do have to amend what I said earlier. I was thinking ejaculation, which is only possible after adolescence - you're right that children can experience something, it's just debatable whether you can call it "orgasm."

P.S. It wasn't my claim, actually. Another poster made that comment, YOU asked how they knew that, and I replied "science." Why is everyone having trouble following this thread?
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Old 02-08-2013, 12:01 PM
 
7,315 posts, read 5,537,461 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by softblueyz View Post
Once upon a time, a long time ago......................that's how children grew up.

Today, with children going to nursery and pre-school, many parents need to instill the "good touch, bad touch" rule. It's unfortunate, but seems necessary with the direction society has taken. Many parents believe teaching their children "right from wrong", and a bit more as they get older, at an early age is necessary. Too many children are exposed to far more than they should be. I bet there are many parents that will be adding something relative to this to the "right from wrong" teaching. What does it say about society when condoms and the day after pill (must be 14!!!) is being handed out in high school?

Children have been robbed of their childhood. When I was 13 (back in the dark ages ) I was probably still playing "mommy", not thinking about becoming a mommy. I guess we kids were just plain "slow" back then.
I know what you mean! It's going to sound weird, but I still had a "kid" mentality at 12. I saw myself as a child. I didn't know the details about sex, and what's more important, I don't think I wanted to know them. Nowadays? Heck, kids nowadays are dressing like adults at a bar, and having SEX at 12!
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