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Old 06-03-2013, 11:21 AM
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
21,796 posts, read 21,651,636 times
Reputation: 21417


Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post

About love. And fun like once upon a time they had shared together before she became a harpie shrew. The flips side is equally valid. He thought marriage was going to be very similar to what they had previously experienced. Why would they expect anything else? SHE was the one who changed the rules mid stream.

Truth is, men are super easy to train.
Seriously, do people expect their seperate household/finances, childfree dating life to stay very similar to their co-mingled, career launched, parent life?

Anyway if Im going to have to train something I'll get a dog.

Old 06-03-2013, 11:59 AM
19,081 posts, read 21,864,886 times
Reputation: 13432
Originally Posted by Baldrick View Post
It's exactly the same here, my wife earns coooooooonsiderably more than I do, has done for about 15yrs and it bothers me not one jot. She can spend what she wants as do I, every bill gets paid by us, it's our money. We're a partnership.
I suspect you have a great marriage, in part, because you're content with yourself. People get in their own way and so many seem to be mindless slaves to societal norms and insecurities. Being a solid spouse and parent involves much more than a total dollar amount. Some miss that.
Old 06-03-2013, 12:15 PM
Location: Toronto
2,161 posts, read 2,345,208 times
Reputation: 1148
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Yah. You hear it from men too. She is such a nag etc.

About love. And fun like once upon a time they had shared together before she became a harpie shrew. The flips side is equally valid. He thought marriage was going to be very similar to what they had previously experienced. Why would they expect anything else? SHE was the one who changed the rules mid stream.

Truth is, men are super easy to train.
I don't have a strong voice. I can't nag because my voice gives out and I have too short a memory to hold a grudge. And I can't keep up resentful. But once I was pregnant with our first, I was tired by the time I got home from work. I tried talking to him about it and got nowhere. So I went on strike and my husband got the message loud and clear; because he's a reasonable person. Some of these guys, it doesn't seem to matter what approach the woman takes, they just aren't reasonable. She didn't change the rules, it's called parenthood. These guys should try acting like one.

I'd understand if there weren't kids involved. My sympathy is lost when someone chooses parenthood but doesn't parent.
Old 06-03-2013, 01:28 PM
8,399 posts, read 5,294,371 times
Reputation: 2314
I read the article and I just don't see why it is a big deal.

I mean I make a lot more than my wife even before she stopped working outside the home when we started having children, but if she could get a job that topped my pay, I'd like to think I'd be ecstatic about the big increase in total family income.

Now I admit, the chores thing, mostly falls to her,and she by far is with our children more, but I'd like to think that if she starts working again, we will make adjustments which might involve hiring help, me doing more, and leaning on family.

I think having hard gender defined roles is very limiting and can lead to couples feeling stifled.
Old 06-03-2013, 01:30 PM
4,259 posts, read 4,230,312 times
Reputation: 3358
Originally Posted by augiedogie View Post
This NY Times article was silly. My wife makes more than me and has for over 10 years now. I don't have a problem with it. And I still wear the pants in the family, cook, shop, run errands, but I have my job also. But when it comes to finances, major purchases, etc. I make the decisions, I control the budget at home and control the investments. Read the article carefully and you'll see that men are not even in the picture in a lot of the people they were discussing, They were single mothers.
I would say that any husband that would use the outdated and sexist phrase "wear the pants in the family" just doesn't get it. You are like a living stereotype of the men the article is describing.
Old 06-03-2013, 01:37 PM
25,631 posts, read 30,350,635 times
Reputation: 23111
Deferred Acceptance Algorithm.
Old 06-03-2013, 01:41 PM
3,846 posts, read 1,956,853 times
Reputation: 390
Originally Posted by Bulldogdad View Post
Deferred Acceptance Algorithm.
I knew that.
Old 06-03-2013, 01:46 PM
21,344 posts, read 11,544,882 times
Reputation: 12175
Originally Posted by capitol View Post
A lot of women will resent their husband if their husband doesn't make as much as them.
I think the younger generation is different. My 27 year old daughter makes more than her husband and to her it's a competition. She really wants to make more than him which I get a kick out of and it doesn't seem to worry him at all.

She is super smart and driven and in this new female dominated society she will go to the top I'm sure.
Old 06-03-2013, 02:07 PM
1,561 posts, read 1,657,055 times
Reputation: 1046
Originally Posted by le roi View Post
Have you considered that perhaps men have lower standards when it comes to evaluating how much housework is "enough" ?

Well, perhaps these comments were made without any intention of being relevant to your personal life. The question being discussed was whether men have been adjusting to changing gender norms. The answer is yes, they have.

I bolded what I think is a very valid point. Most (not all) men just view things differently than women do in regards to home decoration, organization, cleanliness, etc.... Women in general care more about appearances and what other people think "what is your mom gonna think if she sees those curtians!" or "the neighbors have a nicer deck than we do!". Men generally don't care. Doesn't make either of us bad peopel it's just how things are.

I can tell you from personal experience there is a HUGE difference between myself and my GF (who I live with and plan on marrying). I'm relatively clean and neat, she is OCD. I could care less about decor, she wants to move things around constantly "lets switch the bedroom and office" then "OK lets move it back" Men are generally content, women never are. The project list never, EVER ends. does it make our place nicer? Absolutely! Do I appreciate it and love her for some of her ideas he has? Yes, of course! That being said, housework is probably the biggest point of contention between us. In her eyes everything must be done NOW. I just don't have the same sense of urgency.
Old 06-03-2013, 02:12 PM
Location: Center of the universe
24,757 posts, read 33,901,339 times
Reputation: 11780
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Can you give me an example that you have heard in real life? I cannot picture it.
While I will not give examples from my own experience, I can tell you that they are many and real. I am much more educated than my wife, but my academic background does not translate into big bucks. She has, to her credit, been able to build a business that has done very well. Meanwhile, I have worked as a teacher, journalist, writer and editor. Not lucrative occupations. I work very hard - as hard as any man or woman. I have also been the primary caregiver for our children.

So I don't hate that she makes more than I do - in fact I love it. What I do not love is her tendency to be bossy, domineering and condescending. She was like this before we married, and even when I was the primary breadwinner, but now that she's really banking, she is insufferable and impossible. So it is, at least in my case, not my problem or male ego that is causing our marriage to end. It is her nasty Type AA personality.
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