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Old 06-13-2013, 06:29 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,385 posts, read 18,420,530 times
Reputation: 12142

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This thread is inspired by a blog started by an Asian woman who refuses to date her own people.

I'm an Asian Woman and I Refuse to Ever Date an Asian Man | xoJane

She posted,

"I'm an Asian girl. I don't date Asian guys. Yep, I'm one of those that date lots and lots of (mostly, but not always) white guys.

Why? It's simple: I'm a racist
."

"This trend has nothing to do with skin color. It has everything to do with patriarchy and cultural sexism and a lifestyle I grew up with and want nothing to do with anymore."

"I date white men because the term "model minority" grosses me out. I date white men because it feels like I'm not ostracizing myself into an Asian ghetto and antiquated ideas of Asian unity. I still see myself as a minority. And with that, pretty soon comes connotations of "outsider." And I don't like that."

"even you, Daniel Liu whose hotness is practically a law of physics -- I would probably pass."
This is what Daniel Liu looks like,
http://25.media.tumblr.com/34463f385...tlmwo1_400.jpg

"Dating white men means acceptance into American culture. White culture."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My questions to you are the following,

1. Will you date a self-proclaimed racist like her? Why or why not?

2. Can you be able to date a person who hates and disrespects her own culture and her own people?
Why or why not?

3. Do you think American culture is a white culture? For a minority woman (or man), the only way to be accepted by American culture is to date white people?

 
Old 06-13-2013, 07:10 AM
 
22,770 posts, read 25,182,020 times
Reputation: 14506
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
My questions to you are the following,

1. Will you date a self-proclaimed racist like her? Why or why not?
Probably, yes, but I'm not sure.

This hypothetical person you're describing has problems that I cannot really understand, but those problems don't sound any more severe than the typical human being's desire for acceptance.

The concern would be: Is she dating me because I'm white? Which is no worse of a dilemna than your garden variety non-racial concerns like: " Is she dating me because I have money?" "Is she dating me because I'm popular?" "Is she dating me because I'm good looking?" "Is she dating me because I do nice things for her?" etc.

Quote:
2. Can you be able to date a person who hates and disrespects her own culture and her own people? Why or why not?
Sure. Not all cultures are equal, and not all of them are equally valuable to me. If an Asian doesn't like Chinese culture, or Korean culture, or Asian-American culture, it doesn't bother me in the slightest. Not only would I not understand her culture, but sometimes I'm not too crazy about my own culture.

Quote:
3. Do you think American culture is a white culture? For a minority woman (or man), the only way to be accepted by American culture is to date white people?
No, I don't think American culture is a 'white culture.'

I think America has subcultures, though, and some of the most powerful ones are white. However it is a mistake to look at all American whites and consider them a single culture.
 
Old 06-13-2013, 07:10 AM
 
3,558 posts, read 4,138,519 times
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I don't even know if I consider it so much "racist" as I do as them understanding a culture, and not liking their values.

I know black and hispanic girls that will only date white guys, simply because they are more attracted to their race. I am white and I "prefer" non-white girls. My girlfriend is hispanic and I like that about her. I am atheist and in some ways I prefer dating someone who is not atheist, as long as they can respect our differing beliefs. I am interested in other cultures and other religions. Even if I may not share the same beliefs, I may still like many of the values they hold because of it.
 
Old 06-13-2013, 09:07 AM
 
1,102 posts, read 1,512,398 times
Reputation: 1126
Self-hate is NOT an attractive trait.
 
Old 06-13-2013, 10:00 AM
 
Location: NoVa
2,038 posts, read 2,778,511 times
Reputation: 2785
Quote:
Originally Posted by nifear View Post
Self-hate is NOT an attractive trait.
I don't think it's self hate. As an Asian woman living in a western world, I think I understand where this self proclaim rasist is coming from. Asian culture is very different than western culture. We're much more socially conservative and a lot of Asian men (even those living in western countries) still have an antiquated view of what a woman should do or be. Those of you who come from the deep south of US will understand what I mean. And so, I can't blame this woman for wanting to do differently for herself. Not due to self hate but simply because she doesn't want to be part of that limited constraint in which she grew up anymore.

Obviously not all Asian men are like that, the more educated ones or the ones who have diverse circle of friends & upbringing are usually more liberated in their view. I married one 15 years ago.
 
Old 06-13-2013, 11:43 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,385 posts, read 18,420,530 times
Reputation: 12142
Quote:
Originally Posted by graceC View Post
I don't think it's self hate. As an Asian woman living in a western world, I think I understand where this self proclaim rasist is coming from. Asian culture is very different than western culture. We're much more socially conservative and a lot of Asian men (even those living in western countries) still have an antiquated view of what a woman should do or be. Those of you who come from the deep south of US will understand what I mean. And so, I can't blame this woman for wanting to do differently for herself. Not due to self hate but simply because she doesn't want to be part of that limited constraint in which she grew up anymore.

Obviously not all Asian men are like that, the more educated ones or the ones who have diverse circle of friends & upbringing are usually more liberated in their view. I married one 15 years ago.
But the woman in blog wanted to be accepted by "white culture" by dating or marrying a white man.

It is not self hate?
 
Old 06-13-2013, 12:14 PM
 
22,770 posts, read 25,182,020 times
Reputation: 14506
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
But the woman in blog wanted to be accepted by "white culture" by dating or marrying a white man.

It is not self hate?
How could it be? I don't even understand what you're saying.

If she doesn't like Asian-American culture, that means she hates herself? I don't get it.
 
Old 06-13-2013, 12:17 PM
 
1,102 posts, read 1,512,398 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by le roi View Post
Of course not, because there's a huge distinction between an individual person and the culture or race they were born as.
No it's not. It's lumping all Whites as something one should aspire to assimilate with and all Asians as something to distance from. The woman in the OP is not looking at individuals, she's looking at groups.
 
Old 06-13-2013, 12:25 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,385 posts, read 18,420,530 times
Reputation: 12142
Quote:
Originally Posted by le roi View Post
How could it be? I don't even understand what you're saying.

If she doesn't like Asian-American culture, that means she hates herself? I don't get it.
Read her blog. i provided a link

She posted, "I want to date white men because i want to be accepted by american culture, the white culture."
 
Old 06-13-2013, 01:07 PM
 
Location: mainland but born oahu
6,657 posts, read 6,159,032 times
Reputation: 3121
I will say there is a difference between a preference and prejudice. Preferences are when u prefer something but don't rule out anyyhing else. I know a few asian ladies who prefer white guys but will date any race. But this woman is racist because she is saying no, never, no matter what its no to other races.

Lily
1. No i wouldn't date a racist, because im not one myself and don't like hate, ignorance. Further what other major defects of character would she have?

2. No i couldn't date someone who dosnt like there culture etc, Really it would come down to what the person is rejecting the culture 4? Is it based on moral values(like old traditional honor) then i would run away the other way. Stuff like honesty, humility, self sacrifice are important to me.

3. No i think American culture is a class culture, in this day in age its more about money and class then race, sex etc. I think this poor young lady who wrote the blog needs to be pityed. She is very misguided. The answer isnt dating White men lol.
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