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I suspect that is true. Women who have to have a man in their bed at all times, will allow men to abuse the children, the lovers come first and that's what messes up the kids.
A friend of mine was telling of the time her 10 year old son's friend asked him if his mother is a w*hor*e and her son was almost starting to get mad when the friend replied that he asked because his own mother is and then proceeded to talk about all the men coming to spend the night in her room with her. Not a good way for a little boy to view his mother.
The disruption of a family doesn't have to mean the kids are just obstacles and never do family type things anymore, but either both parents make the effort to provide what children need -- which is a whole lot more than material things -- or at least one must.
That is really sad that a 10 year old would even have to think that thought!
Thankfully my son at age 10 did not need to have this conversation with anyone. I had zero men in my life after he was born. (I have a ton of brothers. They were the only men in his life.)
I never married, so I never had to worry about divorcing.
My own parents divorced a year after my youngest brother graduated from high school. I wish they had done so ten years before that. There was no love between them for years. In fact, my dad had been having an affair for at least five years prior to the divorce. (He married this woman and stayed with her for 20 years until he died.) By this time only two of my brothers were at home.
I hated the constant bickering and fighting that went on in that house. I know my youngest brothers did, too: They are both in prison for life for child molestation. What went on in that house after I moved out and before my parents divorced?
I would never, ever advocate for two parents staying together "for the sake of the children".
Children from divorce might (or might not) turn out bad.
Children living in constant turmoil will turn have way more problems to deal with than children of divorce. These are the children I worry about more.
I really don't understand how two grown ups (who somewhat cared about each other in the past to produce kids) cannot get along under the same roof provided minimal efforts. I get along with all kinds of people I feel no "romantic" attachment to whatsoever. Roommates get along just fine most of the time. Why staying together "for the sake of the children" should mean fights and "turmoil", disrestpect? Even if romantic fire doesn't burn, so to speak, it's not enough for grown people to fight over every darn thing. People do fight, because most think they are missing up on that as seen on TV life of theirs by staying with no longer desirable partners/kids. If a person chasing "happiness" and fulfillment, he/she should not breed, period. Breeding and raising litter - hard (not always pleasant and enriching) job. You choose to breed - have enough of integrity to bear your yoke, regardless of your "romantic" feelings and self-fulfillment urges. People of the past did just that.
I really don't understand how two grown ups (who somewhat cared about each other in the past to produce kids) cannot get along under the same roof provided minimal efforts. I get along with all kinds of people I feel no "romantic" attachment to whatsoever. Roommates get along just fine most of the time. Why staying together "for the sake of the children" should mean fights and "turmoil", disrestpect? Even if romantic fire doesn't burn, so to speak, it's not enough for grown people to fight over every darn thing. People do fight, because most think they are missing up on that as seen on TV life of theirs by staying with no longer desirable partners/kids. If a person chasing "happiness" and fulfillment, he/she should not breed, period. Breeding and raising litter - hard (not always pleasant and enriching) job. You choose to breed - have enough of integrity to bear your yoke, regardless of your "romantic" feelings and self-fulfillment urges. People of the past did just that.
I really don't understand how two grown ups (who somewhat cared about each
other in the past to produce kids) cannot get along under the same roof provided
minimal efforts.
REALLY? Once one or both have indicated lack of affection for the other and sets off living together while living their life without the other, as they please, this living situation is SOUL CRUSHING. Even if no fights or harsh words or spoken. ESPECIALLY if few words are spoken at all. Kids get to grow up watching mom and/or dad on the verge of a mental breakdown while trying to pretend life is good. That doesn't work. When everyone is keeping secrets, everyone is lying, extended family may be involved or may be kept in the dark, LIFE BECOMES A LIE. I don't see how that is better for anyone, much less the kids who pick up on the fact things aren't right or, worse, think this is normal. Way to keep someone from actually ever having a GOOD relationship.
Welcome to my world. Fortunately one child was already out of the house and the other really really grounded and both knew the truth of the situation because I didn't believe in pushing fairy tales off as reality.
What you don't understand about "no fault" divorce? Her dissatisfaction mushroomed shortly after I lost a job, she couldn't take it anymore, besides new career horizons were right in front of her. I honestly can tell that there was nothing she could do for me to file for a divorce, for some really weird reason I take that stuff seriously. But I'm all for the non fault divorce, it's not the law that should keep people together.
REALLY? Once one or both have indicated lack of affection for the other and sets off living together while living their life without the other,
Sorry, "living life without the other" doesn't not automatically follow from losing romantic fire burning in the different places. That what happens, if there is no sense of duty, loyalty or "higher purpose" (forgive my French). I didn't mean "staying together" in that sense.
What you don't understand about "no fault" divorce? Her dissatisfaction mushroomed shortly after I lost a job, she couldn't take it anymore, besides new career horizons were right in front of her. I honestly can tell that there was nothing she could do for me to file for a divorce, for some really weird reason I take that stuff seriously. But I'm all for the non fault divorce, it's not the law that should keep people together.
You have got to be kidding me? So that long judgemental opus about "why can't 2 adults just work things out" wasn't true for yourself, but you expect others to do so? Hmmm, why am I so not surprised.
I will say yet again that those who are the most judgemental seem to be the ones who do not practice what they preach. How ironic.
You have got to be kidding me? So that long judgemental opus about "why can't 2 adults just work things out" wasn't true for yourself, but you expect others to do so? Hmmm, why am I so not surprised.
I will say yet again that those who are the most judgemental seem to be the ones who do not practice what they preach. How ironic.
Yes, it takes TWO willing adults to work things out, that's right. Once there is a will, it's not that hard. We got along just fine until 50% of the will evaporated. Where is hypocrisy?
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