Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Spanking your child is LAZY parenting that not only reinforces violence but does not accomplish anything but creating fear. There are proper ways to discipline a child that will work properly but most parents are too lazy or just don't care to learn these steps. It's about creating boundaries, setting expectations, natural consequences, and follow-up at the end. Children need to be taught at an early age that they are the children and the parents are the adults who run the house/set rules. Most parents can't be bothered to learn appropriate ways of dealing with their children and refuse to place the time needed to accomplish the goals. It's a shame as many parents take the easy way out, spank their children, and "teach" their child that violent behavior is acceptable. It creates a sense of fear which is highly unhealthy.
Nothing "lazy" about it. There is nothing wrong with kids having a nice healthy dose of fear of their parents.
And what is a "natural consequence?" You put your hand on a hot stove and you get burned and scarred for life? I'd rather swat my kid on the behind after telling him 20 times "Please, don't touch that" than have him learn the "natural consequence" for doing so. And the "oh, LOOK! Let's go play with THIS" while dinner burns or gets shut off doesn't work for me either.
How does one create a boundary for a two year old who wants to stick his hand on a hot stove or throw food on the floor during every mealtime? A 2 minute time out? Good luck with that unless you strap the kid down on a time-out chair or hand cuff the kid and chain him to the wall.... and that could bee seen as "abuse".
Most parents start out using the "appropriate ways of dealing with their children" and when those "appropriate ways" fail, miserably, they find a way that works.
Let's be realistic...the majority of parents DO NOT have 5 hours to set aside in a day to effectively train their kids to be monkeys. Most have other children who need attention as well, not to mention a house to run.
Spanking isn't "violent" unless someone utilizes it out of rage and actually hurts their child. A swat on the behind that brings a child back down to reality and let's them know that you, as the parent, are serious AND the one IN charge and that the next time they flip the bird at all the psycho-babble you're throwing at them, they will receive another.
You might want to pick up a copy of the book "To Spank Or Not To Spank", by John Rosemond.
This is usually the weak defense people use when they can't come up with a decent rebuttal. I suppose I can't speak on any marriage issue either because I've never been married or I can't know what I'm talking about with the safety of driving a bus because I've never been a bus driver? You think I don't know what the dynamics are of spending 24/7 with a child just because I'm not a parent? I've had children pulling on me, pushing my buttons, and constantly driving me crazy with their behaviors. Sorry but your response is a laughable argument. Get back to me when you have a more rational response.
It's actually the reality of the situation.
You can speak in general of marital issues if you aren't married, but you don't know and can't speak in specifics if you are not.
If you don't drive a bus, you also are only partially clued-in.
And absolutely not, if you do not have children, you can not speak in absolute terms about how to raise them.
Nothing "lazy" about it. There is nothing wrong with kids having a nice healthy dose of fear of their parents.
And what is a "natural consequence?" You put your hand on a hot stove and you get burned and scarred for life? I'd rather swat my kid on the behind after telling him 20 times "Please, don't touch that" than have him learn the "natural consequence" for doing so. And the "oh, LOOK! Let's go play with THIS" while dinner burns or gets shut off doesn't work for me either.
How does one create a boundary for a two year old who wants to stick his hand on a hot stove or throw food on the floor during every mealtime? A 2 minute time out? Good luck with that unless you strap the kid down on a time-out chair or hand cuff the kid and chain him to the wall.... and that could bee seen as "abuse".
Most parents start out using the "appropriate ways of dealing with their children" and when those "appropriate ways" fail, miserably, they find a way that works.
Let's be realistic...the majority of parents DO NOT have 5 hours to set aside in a day to effectively train their kids to be monkeys. Most have other children who need attention as well, not to mention a house to run.
Spanking isn't "violent" unless someone utilizes it out of rage and actually hurts their child. A swat on the behind that brings a child back down to reality and let's them know that you, as the parent, are serious AND the one IN charge and that the next time they flip the bird at all the psycho-babble you're throwing at them, they will receive another.
You might want to pick up a copy of the book "To Spank Or Not To Spank", by John Rosemond.
If you are telling your child 20 times to not touch the stove then you are not doing what is needed in the first place. But I suppose resorting to swatting him/her is just so much easier. If you do what you need to be doing it shouldn't go past 2 or 3 times telling your child "no" and having them listen.
Do you honestly want me to go through the steps on how to create proper boundaries? You mock the time-out method but apparently you have no interest in doing it correct or don't want to invest the time it takes to be successful. You are also acting like it will take five hours every day to teach a child how to handle themselves correctly or face consequences. I bet if you take one weekend and place the proper methods in place, a child will learn quickly and know who is in control. Children aren't stupid and love to play the power/control game to get their way in the end. Yes you may have to revisit these same methods here and there but it's not going to take five hours every time. If these steps were installed with a child in the early stages then you aren't going to face the uphill battle of correcting things later on as your child will be acclimated to what is acceptable/unacceptable.
But your post is exactly why parents resort to hitting......they don't want to take the time out of their schedules short term for something that will benefit not only them but their child in the long term. A child is the most important thing in the world but so many parents refuse to place the proper time and attention because hitting them will be faster (installing fear while teaching that violence is acceptable). If your child does not respond to the proper methods after doing it past what it takes then perhaps they are dealing with emotional distress that counseling would help. Most kids acting out is a direct result of bad parenting or a lack of something needed they are receiving in their lives anyways.
Last edited by R.J. MacReady; 12-17-2009 at 07:10 PM..
You can speak in general of marital issues if you aren't married, but you don't know and can't speak in specifics if you are not.
If you don't drive a bus, you also are only partially clued-in.
And absolutely not, if you do not have children, you can not speak in absolute terms about how to raise them.
So I suppose a person should not comment on the way the government is run unless they have a government job? Or somebody's views/concerns/opinions aren't valid on the subject of homosexuality unless they are gay? It's insane thinking/excuses and a silly way to void somebody's opinion on a matter.
Should the government get involved in this to...this is insane and has now become a political issue???????
This amazes me...we were spanked as children and we're fine, we were not beat, but we knew there was a consequence for our actions...
I heard a man on the news comment, that spanking was an uneducated way to discipline...amazing...
I think not spanking is not only an uneducated way of discipline, but a parent who is avoiding discipline.
I am 59 years old and see way to many children today who do not fear a consequence for their actions...a couple down the street, raise they're 3 grand children...the parents were killed...two turned out fine...one, is in and out of prision, has already had 4 unwanted children...and has been in drug rehab uncountable times.
While pregnant with my son, I read a book which said, if you don't have control of your child by the time they are five, you never will. I spanked my son, 3 times in his life and I was spanked...and I'm glad my parents were strict and spanked me. Otherwise, I would have been a hand full.
Chrildren today, have no sense of discipline in public, they run around, yell and scream and have not an ounce of respect for the personal property and space of others b/c parents do not know how to parent.
You've got more kids on drugs and taking guns to school, b/c parents do not know how to parent. I was raised in a small town, all our families hunted...I would have never thought to even pick up a gun????? Let alone if I would have, I wouldn't have sat for a week...and I'm exhagerating, but, for God's sake what is wrong with people?????The irony in all of this is...fine, there are really disturbed people out there who want to make it against the law to spank children....yet...they refuse to do anything about all the sexual preditors that are out there? Makes no sense, and I find this the perfect example of our mentality today...we are not getting any smarter, matter of fact, we have regressed when it comes to common sense of parenting. Thanks
Government has NO business in our child rearing. There is a line between discipline and abuse that has been adressed, and this 'issue' needs to go away. I was spanked as a child, I am quite fine, and I was also put on my ass more than once as a teenager(deservedly so) by my father, and I had call to take my boys behind the barn as well. And, consequently, my kids are well mannered, hard working, responsible, and know what right and wrong are,(and what sassing their Ma gits em') This spanking issue is a long dead horse, and government and hand wringing pansy types just need to shut up and raise their own kids how they see fit. And, stay shut of other folks business.
If you are telling your child 20 times to not touch the stove then you are not doing what is needed in the first place. But I suppose resorting to swatting him/her is just so much easier. If you do what you need to be doing it shouldn't go past 2 or 3 times telling your child "no" and having them listen.
Oh knock it off.
Quote:
Do you honestly want me to go through the steps on how to create proper boundaries? You mock the time-out method but apparently you have no interest in doing it correct or don't want to invest the time it takes to be successful.
Please, do! I have 3 children. Try to teach me something I don't already know, please...I need a good laugh....from someone who HAS NO KIDS!!
Quote:
You are also acting like it will take five hours every day to teach a child how to handle themselves correctly or face consequences.
Who's acting? I've BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT. Three times. Plus teaching. You?
You teach behavioral "modification"? How many hours do you spend per kid until you get their behavioral issues all modified? How many weeks, months, years? Does it stick the first time, the second, third, fourth... 50th? I didn't think so, b/c you have to re-teach. But my 2 year old won't touch the stove after one swat on his hand.
Quote:
I bet if you take one weekend and place the proper methods in place, a child will learn quickly and know who is in control. Children aren't stupid and love to play the power/control game to get their way in the end. Yes you may have to revisit these same methods here and there but it's not going to take five hours every time. If these steps were installed with a child in the early stages then you aren't going to face the uphill battle of correcting things later on as your child will be acclimated to what is acceptable/unacceptable.
If you have more than one child (which is a breeze) it could take LONGER than 5 hours at a time. And to the detriment of the older children who are old enough to actually UNDERSTAND actions=consequences and in a way they don't forget 10 minutes later.
Quote:
But your post is exactly why parents resort to hitting......they don't want to take the time out of their schedules short term for something that will benefit not only them but their child in the long term.
And your postS are exactly why children need their "behavior modified" by someone who is NOT their parent.
Quote:
Most kids acting out is a direct result of bad parenting or a lack of something needed they are receiving in their lives anyways.
Most kids act out b/c they do not know how to PROCESS their feelings about ANYTHING. It's called age-appropriate frustration. They WANT to do something, but they can't. Whether it be physical or verbal. Either that or they missed a nap, are getting sick, or went to bed way too late the night before. You sound like you would have them all interrogated to give up their parents for "bad parenting". You are a degreed professional?
You really can't speak in theory when those who live in reality (and don't breast feed until their kids are 9) know different. You can try, but everyone is laughing.
You've got all us bad parents coined. And I thought I did too...especially when I was teaching pre-school...and then I had my own baby.
This is usually the weak defense people use when they can't come up with a decent rebuttal. I suppose I can't speak on any marriage issue either because I've never been married or I can't know what I'm talking about with the safety of driving a bus because I've never been a bus driver? You think I don't know what the dynamics are of spending 24/7 with a child just because I'm not a parent? I've had children pulling on me, pushing my buttons, and constantly driving me crazy with their behaviors. Sorry but your response is a laughable argument. Get back to me when you have a more rational response.
Well to be honest no you really can't speak to either issue with complete certainty because you have not actually done it. It is no different then if I say I saw a person play golf 20,000 times but I never actually played. Do I really know about it? No I don't. I know some but really have no concept. So it is not a lack of an argument, it is not being able to make you even remotely understand because you have not done it. Pretty simple in fact. I HAVE done it you have NOT.
If you are telling your child 20 times to not touch the stove then you are not doing what is needed in the first place. But I suppose resorting to swatting him/her is just so much easier. If you do what you need to be doing it shouldn't go past 2 or 3 times telling your child "no" and having them listen.
Do you honestly want me to go through the steps on how to create proper boundaries? You mock the time-out method but apparently you have no interest in doing it correct or don't want to invest the time it takes to be successful. You are also acting like it will take five hours every day to teach a child how to handle themselves correctly or face consequences. I bet if you take one weekend and place the proper methods in place, a child will learn quickly and know who is in control. Children aren't stupid and love to play the power/control game to get their way in the end. Yes you may have to revisit these same methods here and there but it's not going to take five hours every time. If these steps were installed with a child in the early stages then you aren't going to face the uphill battle of correcting things later on as your child will be acclimated to what is acceptable/unacceptable.
But your post is exactly why parents resort to hitting......they don't want to take the time out of their schedules short term for something that will benefit not only them but their child in the long term. A child is the most important thing in the world but so many parents refuse to place the proper time and attention because hitting them will be faster (installing fear while teaching that violence is acceptable). If your child does not respond to the proper methods after doing it past what it takes then perhaps they are dealing with emotional distress that counseling would help. Most kids acting out is a direct result of bad parenting or a lack of something needed they are receiving in their lives anyways.
You have no idea until you are actually experiencing it. You may think you will do ABC but when you are in the situation you may very well do XYZ. For you to speak as though you know with 100% certainty what is the "correct" way to teach/discipline a child is a joke because you have NO actual experience in doing it with your own child. Pardon me if I chose not to trust someones views that has never done it.
JerseyG.......why haven't you answered the questions a few posts up that I asked. It's a cop-out to say that somebody who doesn't have children is clueless on successful techniques of raising children and teaching them how to behave properly. It's also not really helping a discussion when you post things like "oh knock it off" instead of why you feel a certain statement is incorrect or why you have issues with it. Where's your proof that somebody who doesn't have a child isn't capable of knowing the proper ways and techniques of raising a child? I have used and cited techniques/models that have been utilized by many professionals that have provided a ton of positive results.
Cyber Queen.....I guess you should stop posting opinions in the gay related threads because you are heterosexual. Your word must be useless because you have not lived in the world as a gay woman. You obviously have no idea where gay people are coming from because you haven't been there and don't have the experience of being gay. Your views must be incorrect since you aren't gay.
JerseyG.......why haven't you answered the questions a few posts up that I asked. It's a cop-out to say that somebody who doesn't have children is clueless on successful techniques of raising children and teaching them how to behave properly. It's also not really helping a discussion when you post things like "oh knock it off" instead of why you feel a certain statement is incorrect or why you have issues with it. Where's your proof that somebody who doesn't have a child isn't capable of knowing the proper ways and techniques of raising a child? I have used and cited techniques/models that have been utilized by many professionals that have provided a ton of positive results.
Cyber Queen.....I guess you should stop posting opinions in the gay related threads because you are heterosexual. Your word must be useless because you have not lived in the world as a gay woman. You obviously have no idea where gay people are coming from because you haven't been there and don't have the experience of being gay. Your views must be incorrect since you aren't gay.
I have not ever gone onto a gay thread and spoke as if I KNOW for sure as you did here. You came right out called parents who spank lazy when you have ZERO clue what it even takes to be a parent so no your opinion does carry as much weight as that of an actual parent. Sorry if you can not grasp that.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
) This spanking issue is a long dead horse, and government and hand wringing pansy types just need to shut up and raise their own kids how they see fit. And, stay shut of other folks business.
