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OP, actually black fathers are least likely to abandon children. they are more likely to provide financial support when they are the non-custodial parent and they are more likely to visit children when they are non-custodial parents as a whole.
I am black and am a "daddy's girl." My father and mother were not married when I was born. My dad was and is a constant figure in my life and he was a "crackhead" back in the 80s when I was a kid. I saw him 3-4 times per week, he took me to my paternal family for visits regularly, he gave me "spending money" and bought me whatever I needed. He got off of drugs when I was 12 and was more stable and paid child support to my mom until I was 18. My dad has 5 kids by 3 different women and was involved with all of us in our lives. Instead of blaming "black fathers" you should focus on your own dad as an individual. He was probably just an *******. The only person I know who grew up with a father that truly abandoned them is my husband. His dad was in the Marines and suffered severe PTSD due to Vietnam and was never around when my husband was a kid. Oddly enough they re-kindled their relationship when my husband was 30 years old and became close.
You also have to consider the relationship he had with your mom. Was he ever around? Did he know about you at all? Did he have another family? (he may have had an adulterous affair with your mom and didn't leave his other family). Do you know anything at all about him?
But so you won't think that black dads are continuously abandoning their kids, please read a book called "The Myth of the Missing Black Father."
Here's an article about the book and the study it was based upon. From the article:
Quote:
The report also revealed that among American fathers living apart from their children, black dads were at least as involved as other dads not living with their kids, or more so, according to most measures. Among fathers living apart from older children, more than half of black fathers said that several times a week or more, they talked to their kids about their day — a higher percentage than among white or Latino dads living separately from older children, the report showed.
And:
Quote:
Laura Tach and fellow researchers also found that black fathers were more likely than white or Latino dads to stay close to their children after having more kids with a new partner. Because it isn't as rare for black fathers to live away from the home, their communities might have stronger expectations that fathers will stay involved outside the "package deal" of a wife and kids, explained Tach, a professor of policy analysis at Cornell University.
"Some men think when they lose a marriage, they lose the relationship with the kids," said Marquette University sociology professor Roberta L. Coles. "For black men that doesn't seem to be as true."
This stereotype of black men is one that is not true. I personally don't think it has ever been true, it is just spoken about a whole lot more because black parents are less likely to be married when children are born. Just because parents aren't married doesn't mean that the father is not involved. In my experience, black dads are very much involved in day to day lives of kids and are even more involved in actually taking care of the kids, especially babies because, and this is my opinion, I feel that being around kids and taking care of them has never really been a female only sort of phenomenon for black people due to more black women always having work outside of the home. My dad grew up with 4 sisters, 3 younger and he knew how to braid and do ponytails lol. He has 3 daughters and did our hair regularly. He bathed us, clothes us, cooked for us - he is an excellent cook. Most of my white and Latino and Asian friends' fathers didn't do as much for them as my dad did and my dad was, I will say a character lol. He still is. He also was a source of great info during my teen years and wasn't shy about talking to us about not following his footsteps in regards to having multiple sexual relationships with people and abusing drugs. None of his kids have followed him either in this regard and I think it had to do with him presenting his advice in an informative and humorous way like "don't do X drug or any really, if you want to know what it feels like to get high off of X, then just let me know and I'll tell you since I did everything" LOL.
And FWIW, my two brothers both are very involved fathers, one is married with 5 kids with his wife, the other has 4 kids and was married twice but divorced now and both of them are very involved in their kids' lives. My mom got re-married when I was 11 and had 2 other kids, both boys. Both of them also have kids now, one is married with 3 kids and one has one kid with his girlfriend. They both are also very involved - they change diapers, bathe, etc. Both of them have young kids and they are really good fathers.
Last edited by residinghere2007; 04-23-2015 at 08:52 AM..
Young black males are arrested because they commit a disproportionate number of violent crimes. Has nothing to do with them getting screwed.
Black males get arrested due to increased harrassment over being black males. If white males were harrassed as much as black males, then crime statistics would increase for white males.
Depends on how old you are. I was a kid in the 70s and I can't recall a single white woman having a mixed child growing up. Probably more of a 90s and up thing.
Depends on where you live. My grandfather (black man) divorced my grandmother for his white mistress. Said white mistress already had 4 half black kids. She had another with my grandfather in the mid 1970s. I was born in the late 1970s and we had a lot of half black kids in my classes.
I recently moved back to my hometown and my husband, who is from Chicago even noticed that there is an extremely high amount of bi-racial children here. He says it is the "land of the bi-racial" lol.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyTexan
You are assuming here the Black man abandoned his family.
You are assuming both are mature enough to have kids. You are assuming they had a life commitment.
Most single parents got pregnant as teens. Their beloved boyfriend of today is tossed on the wayside for the next new love of their life. And both the girls and boys do it.
For many poor teenage girls getting pregnant is a ticket out of their home because of the welfare benefits.
Most single parents today did not get pregnant as teens. Teen pregnancy has declined substanitally over the years and isn't the issue it used to be. Most single parents today are in their mid to late 20s and 30s. Women over 35 are also a growing demographic of single mothers due to putting off marriage and wanting to ensure they have children before they can't anymore. I know quite a few single moms in their 40s with kids the same age as my daughter who is 6 years old.
In the white community it's more about women making bad dating choices and choosing to go after the 'exciting' guys when they are young. If they do manage to snag a stable guy who would actually make a good father they have this bad habit of getting 'bored' with the relationship and blaming the guy for not being able to maintain her attraction to him.. then she leaves and takes half his stuff and leaves the family broken so she can recapture that excitement that being chased by multiple guys brings her again.
I'm not saying they all end up this way, but a relatively large percent do end up this way. Guys are more easily kept happy.. give them food, beer, and sex and they'll be content to work and raise their family.. women require more complexity.... and they are attracted to the type of guys that don't make good fathers in many cases.
Eventually as they hit their 30's they all tend to compromise and take what they can get after spending their 20's getting used and abused on the club scene.
Not all women act like that but some do. These are usually the type of women that say things like "Where are the good men at?" or "All men or dogs". The best advise I could give is stay away from those type of women and look for women that are more emotionally mature.
I would like to think the issue relies more upon societal/cultural rather than biological. I'm no expert, just my first thoughts.
Why the thread then? You knew the answer already. But you posed this as a question. The poster who called you a poser was absolutely on point. Why these obviously troll threads don't get locked right away I just don't understand. 13 pages... really? Insanity is defined as the constant repetition of a behavior while expecting a different outcome. Since a child requires (rape excepted) the co-operation of a woman, more to the point, the conscious decision of a woman to bring an unwanted pregnancy to term... is it fair to continue to characterize absent fathers as a black male issue? There is also the overarching premise that absent black fathers are a problem. I don't really agree that it is in fact a problem. But, if, for whatever reason, a person might think that it is, then the solution surely does not lie with black men.
OP, actually black fathers are least likely to abandon children. they are more likely to provide financial support when they are the non-custodial parent and they are more likely to visit children when they are non-custodial parents as a whole.
I am black and am a "daddy's girl." My father and mother were not married when I was born. My dad was and is a constant figure in my life and he was a "crackhead" back in the 80s when I was a kid. I saw him 3-4 times per week, he took me to my paternal family for visits regularly, he gave me "spending money" and bought me whatever I needed. He got off of drugs when I was 12 and was more stable and paid child support to my mom until I was 18. My dad has 5 kids by 3 different women and was involved with all of us in our lives. Instead of blaming "black fathers" you should focus on your own dad as an individual. He was probably just an *******. The only person I know who grew up with a father that truly abandoned them is my husband. His dad was in the Marines and suffered severe PTSD due to Vietnam and was never around when my husband was a kid. Oddly enough they re-kindled their relationship when my husband was 30 years old and became close.
You also have to consider the relationship he had with your mom. Was he ever around? Did he know about you at all? Did he have another family? (he may have had an adulterous affair with your mom and didn't leave his other family). Do you know anything at all about him?
But so you won't think that black dads are continuously abandoning their kids, please read a book called "The Myth of the Missing Black Father."
Here's an article about the book and the study it was based upon. From the article:
And:
This stereotype of black men is one that is not true. I personally don't think it has ever been true, it is just spoken about a whole lot more because black parents are less likely to be married when children are born. Just because parents aren't married doesn't mean that the father is not involved. In my experience, black dads are very much involved in day to day lives of kids and are even more involved in actually taking care of the kids, especially babies because, and this is my opinion, I feel that being around kids and taking care of them has never really been a female only sort of phenomenon for black people due to more black women always having work outside of the home. My dad grew up with 4 sisters, 3 younger and he knew how to braid and do ponytails lol. He has 3 daughters and did our hair regularly. He bathed us, clothes us, cooked for us - he is an excellent cook. Most of my white and Latino and Asian friends' fathers didn't do as much for them as my dad did and my dad was, I will say a character lol. He still is. He also was a source of great info during my teen years and wasn't shy about talking to us about not following his footsteps in regards to having multiple sexual relationships with people and abusing drugs. None of his kids have followed him either in this regard and I think it had to do with him presenting his advice in an informative and humorous way like "don't do X drug or any really, if you want to know what it feels like to get high off of X, then just let me know and I'll tell you since I did everything" LOL.
And FWIW, my two brothers both are very involved fathers, one is married with 5 kids with his wife, the other has 4 kids and was married twice but divorced now and both of them are very involved in their kids' lives. My mom got re-married when I was 11 and had 2 other kids, both boys. Both of them also have kids now, one is married with 3 kids and one has one kid with his girlfriend. They both are also very involved - they change diapers, bathe, etc. Both of them have young kids and they are really good fathers.
So, in your words your dad was a crack head, drug addict, with 3 Baby Mamas and your talking about Black men defying Stereotypes. Your lucky, typically drug addicts don't make good fathers. Well, you are honest and in stating that we should ultimately be judged as individuals
I agree with you, and this is what I believe. But, I am curious to know where it seems to be so common in the black community? Or perhaps is this just my perception?
What percentage of those single parent households are due to an absent father?
I'm guessing 80%. What's your guess?
But go ahead and continue living in fantasy land.
Can you provide what statistic your referencing? I could probably help you with this, there aren't any. The statistic stops at children born out of wedlock which again is different from Children who are raised by both parents. By you reasoning a divorced father is a absent father.
Why the thread then? You knew the answer already. But you posed this as a question. The poster who called you a poser was absolutely on point. Why these obviously troll threads don't get locked right away I just don't understand. 13 pages... really? Insanity is defined as the constant repetition of a behavior while expecting a different outcome. Since a child requires (rape excepted) the co-operation of a woman, more to the point, the conscious decision of a woman to bring an unwanted pregnancy to term... is it fair to continue to characterize absent fathers as a black male issue? There is also the overarching premise that absent black fathers are a problem. I don't really agree that it is in fact a problem. But, if, for whatever reason, a person might think that it is, then the solution surely does not lie with black men.
Hello,
I created the thread to get other opinions. I do not feel my view is the only view that may or may not hold any water. It went on for 13 pages because others had input. But to ask this question was to not be a poser. I wish my experiences were made up, but sadly they are not. To come on here to create a thread to upset people was not at all my intention. I commited no crime in asking because I have wondered about this for years. If this offends you, you are welcome to not answer or simply press the report button. I don't live for this forum.
I have noticed that black men being absent from their homes was not just a couple of people I have spoken to, but most of them. Does that mean I think black men are all deadbeats? Of course not. But I wanted to see if others have noticed this as well and if this occurs more in a black household than others. Because unfortunately, other people I have spoken to of any other race, most of their fathers remained involved in their lives, even after getting a divorce from the mother.
Perhaps I should have read some sociological papers, but I wanted to get real opinions from others. I did not see any harm in that.
I am simply asking a question. I believe in my heart that anyone can be an absent father, but I could not help but to notice within the black community it seeimg to be a bit more common. So I posed the question to possibly find out why or if it was just my perception based on where I lived and etc.
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