Is the mother who hit her son for rioting a hero or a child abuser? (regular, insurance)
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- There is a thing called an ACE score that ranks your level of adverse childhood experiences (physical abuse, verbal abuse, neglect, parent with substance abuse problems, etc.) and there were studies where they went to prisons and had inmates fill these out and virtually all of them had high ACE scores. Obviously having a high score doesn't mean you'll automatically have issues as you become an adult, but it's clearly not a coincidence. Aggressive or neglectful parenting does more harm than people realize.
Anyone with a single course in surveying, poll-taking, and statistics would realize all the fallacies involved in that conclusion from that data.
Most people from any neighborhood are not in prison. If you took the same poll of people who had the same background--from the same neighborhoods--but were not in prison, what would that indicate? And how many other factors just as common among the inmates would you find among the non-inmates?
After reading everyone's responses, it looks like my take on it will be very unpopular. I think it's tragic, and she certainly isn't a hero. I commend her for showing disapproval for her son's actions, but verbal and physical aggression is almost 100% the reason the kid turned out that way in the first place. Child abuse and/or neglect is rampant in "the ghetto" (black, white, hispanic, or whoever), and it's a huge factor in why their children become criminals. I could go on about this at length, as I've seen it firsthand and have seen the facts, statistics, and watched speeches on the subject, but I'll just give the quick rundown...
- Hitting doesn't teach lessons, it teaches that violence solves problems. Kids won't learn why they shouldn't do something, and will only stop if the parent is around to hurt them again. Often times they'll even go back to what they were doing shortly after being hit. That isn't teaching. It's often hypocritical too, as parents will hit their child for hitting another child. "*SMACK* "don't hit your brother!" Interesting...
- There is a thing called an ACE score that ranks your level of adverse childhood experiences (physical abuse, verbal abuse, neglect, parent with substance abuse problems, etc.) and there were studies where they went to prisons and had inmates fill these out and virtually all of them had high ACE scores. Obviously having a high score doesn't mean you'll automatically have issues as you become an adult, but it's clearly not a coincidence. Aggressive or neglectful parenting does more harm than people realize.
- Many parents hit their children because that's how they were raised, and then when the child starts acting out, they hit them more, not realizing that the aggressive behavior of the child is a result of their own aggression. When someone tries to tell them that they should explain things to their child, actually teach them, reason with them, etc. they'll say "are you kidding? Reason with a child? Not my kids. They can't be reasoned with and will just run amok if I don't smack them a bit"...that's because you've been teaching them aggression rather than reason. Toddlers begin to develop reasoning skills (I forget what age range exactly, but it's something like 1 or 2) so it isn't true that "you can't reason with a child". Reason > Force
Most people, including myself, grew up in a situation where this was just normal parenting, and there will be a negative emotional reaction to hearing this information. I thought it was wimpy over-sensitive academic garbage at first, but I tried to be objective and give it a chance and the evidence convinced me. The correlation is just too high to act like its a coincidence.
Alright, I'm ready for the angry responses...if anyone took the time to read it.
I don't disagree with your premise or attitude.
This was a highly-charged singular event in the life of this teen and his mom. As someone against "physical discipline" I could be sympathetic to this outburst if the circumstances were not what they were.
My point is, and always has been as stated in previous posts, this mother "raised" a teen who premeditated these horrible acts. In all likelyhood (99.9%) she had failed day-in and day-out with this boy the previous 16 years of his life.
Even if you could excuse her outburst (I don't) it's obvious she was not a good parent anyway. Regardless of the prescence of physical abuse in the home prior to this event whatever this woman did the last 16 years was wrong.
This was a highly-charged singular event in the life of this teen and his mom. As someone against "physical discipline" I could be sympathetic to this outburst if the circumstances were not what they were.
My point is, and always has been as stated in previous posts, this mother "raised" a teen who premeditated these horrible acts. In all likelyhood (99.9%) she had failed day-in and day-out with this boy the previous 16 years of his life.
Even if you could excuse her outburst (I don't) it's obvious she was not a good parent anyway. Regardless of the prescence of physical abuse in the home prior to this event whatever this woman did the last 16 years was wrong.
Still too many presumptions being made about a particular case. Someone has asserted that this particular kid has a long record of prior juvenile convictions. I don't know, the situation is not important enough in my day to spend time investigating it that far.
But even 16-year-old boys who have had good parentage can get caught up in stupid moments of mass involvements. Take, for instance, the riots that sometimes follow significant soccer or football games. Has everyone in those riots been a criminal with bad parents?
Sixteen-year-old boys do stupid things. I don't think I'd have been caught up in a riot like that, but the summer I was 16, I did wind up in some places I knew I shouldn't have been, and had my mother caught me, she'd have certainly cuffed men.
While most of the comments on the ABC news site support her, it is only a matter of time before political correctness comes in strong and the mother is arrested for punching her son. It is only a matter of time before she is arrested!
Still too many presumptions being made about a particular case. Someone has asserted that this particular kid has a long record of prior juvenile convictions. I don't know, the situation is not important enough in my day to spend time investigating it that far.
But even 16-year-old boys who have had good parentage can get caught up in stupid moments of mass involvements. Take, for instance, the riots that sometimes follow significant soccer or football games. Has everyone in those riots been a criminal with bad parents?
Sixteen-year-old boys do stupid things. I don't think I'd have been caught up in a riot like that, but the summer I was 16, I did wind up in some places I knew I shouldn't have been, and had my mother caught me, she'd have certainly cuffed men.
I strongly disagree.
You are describing events in which a teen was "in the wrong place at the wrong time".
A football game or getting involved in a cafeteria melee are incidents in which innocents (or kids getting caught up in the moment) had a good reason to be at the scene to begin with. It's called a football game or lunch.
This kid put on his ninja clothing, covered his face, strapped on his backpack (presumably to carry his loot) and went down to join a riot.
The riot was the primary event. This kid wasn't coming home from a party or a game.
Anyone with a single course in surveying, poll-taking, and statistics would realize all the fallacies involved in that conclusion from that data.
Most people from any neighborhood are not in prison. If you took the same poll of people who had the same background--from the same neighborhoods--but were not in prison, what would that indicate? And how many other factors just as common among the inmates would you find among the non-inmates?
Just because you have a high ACE score doesn't mean you'll end up a criminal or anything, but the correlation is extremely high when they've tested inmates and others with various issues. Abuse and neglect leads to increased aggression, lack of empathy, promiscuity, and other characteristics. Again, I know that many made it out fine, but why risk it when there are alternatives? I'd argue more moral alternatives, but that's just my view.
I'll have to watch it again, but "the bomb in the brain" is a good presentation on YouTube. It goes into more detail than I have.
Also, no_recess...I definitely agree with what you're saying. I think single mothers are let off the hook too much. Both parents are to blame for single parent households, and that's a big factor in how their kid develops.
After reading everyone's responses, it looks like my take on it will be very unpopular. I think it's tragic, and she certainly isn't a hero. I commend her for showing disapproval for her son's actions, but verbal and physical aggression is almost 100% the reason the kid turned out that way in the first place. Child abuse and/or neglect is rampant in "the ghetto" (black, white, hispanic, or whoever), and it's a huge factor in why their children become criminals. I could go on about this at length, as I've seen it firsthand and have seen the facts, statistics, and watched speeches on the subject, but I'll just give the quick rundown...
- Hitting doesn't teach lessons, it teaches that violence solves problems. Kids won't learn why they shouldn't do something, and will only stop if the parent is around to hurt them again. Often times they'll even go back to what they were doing shortly after being hit. That isn't teaching. It's often hypocritical too, as parents will hit their child for hitting another child. "*SMACK* "don't hit your brother!" Interesting...
- There is a thing called an ACE score that ranks your level of adverse childhood experiences (physical abuse, verbal abuse, neglect, parent with substance abuse problems, etc.) and there were studies where they went to prisons and had inmates fill these out and virtually all of them had high ACE scores. Obviously having a high score doesn't mean you'll automatically have issues as you become an adult, but it's clearly not a coincidence. Aggressive or neglectful parenting does more harm than people realize.
- Many parents hit their children because that's how they were raised, and then when the child starts acting out, they hit them more, not realizing that the aggressive behavior of the child is a result of their own aggression. When someone tries to tell them that they should explain things to their child, actually teach them, reason with them, etc. they'll say "are you kidding? Reason with a child? Not my kids. They can't be reasoned with and will just run amok if I don't smack them a bit"...that's because you've been teaching them aggression rather than reason. Toddlers begin to develop reasoning skills (I forget what age range exactly, but it's something like 1 or 2) so it isn't true that "you can't reason with a child". Reason > Force
Most people, including myself, grew up in a situation where this was just normal parenting, and there will be a negative emotional reaction to hearing this information. I thought it was wimpy over-sensitive academic garbage at first, but I tried to be objective and give it a chance and the evidence convinced me. The correlation is just too high to act like its a coincidence.
Alright, I'm ready for the angry responses...if anyone took the time to read it.
Not angry, just recognize that you are a fool and that people like you are responsible for the monumental decline in civilized behavior because you've thrown discipline out the window.
Nah, she's just another idiot who had children out of wedlock.
This...there is absolutely nothing for me to commend here...she is emblematic of everything wrong with so many black communities. A walking, talking stereotype of hoodrats. A lone stereotypical black woman out there looking stupid trying to pummel a kid who from the looks of it, if he wanted to, could have easily knocked her out and kept right on looting. But instead we got this trashy clown, a single mother of 6 kids, with no father in the picture, violently flying off the handle in public at the drop of a hat, weave flying in every direction (a recently laid off single mother of 6 with an impeccable weave, nails done perfectly, of course) essentially assaulting a young black male, who, in this case happens to be her son. This loser trash didnt even have the dignity to wait until she got home to unleash her predictably violent hoodrat wrath. She, as the adult in the situation, should have been the main one showing restraint, at least publicly, until she got him home....Big Mama, *pssst* ill let you in on a little secret: youre the adult. Youre not both supposed to act like children in public. Youre the one who is suppose to show that youre not only in control of your child in public, but that youre in control of yourself as well.
But what she wanted more than anything was to put on a show for the public, after apparently doing a clusterf*ck of a job parenting privately for the past 16 years. She's no different than the Maury Povich guest who is just waiting for primetime when the lights come on and the cameras start rolling, so she can begin rolling around on the ground having a fit, acting heartbroken and throwing chairs across he stage when she finds out her boyfriend she cheated on is not the baby daddy.
And then we, as a nation have the nerve to sit around hemming and hawing and asking "well gosh, where did someone like Ray Rice ever get the crazy notion that violence toward women is ever ok?...No More! Stop da violence against da wimmins"....smh, pitiful...hmm..I wonder....could it be because he was probably raised by some hoodrat clown like this; who viewed an already volatile situation as an opportunity to take center stage and show her ass in hopes that like minded people would see her doing 5 minutes worth of hooting and hollering and slapping and not have any better sense than to equate it with her being a good parent...please...she put on her little show, and what she showed me is that she is the problem...it'll be a cold day in hell before she ever gets her little pat on the back from me for this circus act she put on.
Last edited by soletaire; 04-30-2015 at 08:01 AM..
I call bull on this statement as it is NOT always true. I am a single mother of 3. My son is 26 and I have two daughters 24 and 20. My ex is a presence in my childrens life, but their success is from what I instilled in them as THE HEAD OF MY HOUSEHOLD. Their father was the sports and fun parent, I am more the diciplinarian and all about Education and Responsibility. My son is a Public School teacher by day and Director of a Homeless Shelter in the evenings, My oldest daughter is a Wealth Management Project Manage at a Bank In NY and my Youngest will be entering in her last year of college this fall.
There are Many single parents that raise kids that turn out Great, and there are two parent households that raise monsters.
Whatever you thinks works for you is good, but ideally you should have made your marriage work for your children. People fall in and out of love in long marriage's. Your kids have scars because of your choices. If you can live with that? Awesome.
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