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I'll respond to this because I'm too angry to respond to your first paragraph. Good luck with that! You can't mold 'em into what you want them to be.
And I disagree to that. It's all about good parenting techniques. In my family, we were keen to please our parents. And we were also taught that the elders in our family were more important that the younger members. We weren't coddled like precious snowflakes either. Therefore, when my parents told us that our job as their children was to go to school and focus on our academics, we did. My mother also closely scrutinized all of our friends and asked what their parents did. And that made me think more about what sort of friends I wanted to hang around with. And my sisters and I weren't dressed up as "cute girls" either. Having boyfriends in high school wasn't important to me. I waited until I got to college for that, and even then I didn't get into any sort of real dating until I was out of school, had a job and my own apartment. And looking back, I am glad I waited for romance, because I was able to focus on me first.
Parents coddle their kids way too much, and hover over them too much also. They need to learn the importance of thinking and using commonsense. They need to learn from their mistakes. There is no bad luck in this world, just a lot of not enough forethought and poor decision making.
My sister-in-law was raped by her boyfriend of several months, who decided he wanted to do something that she had no interest in doing. They were in bed, she protested, and he assured her she'd like it and did it anyway. She was terrified and messed up for months at the gross breach of trust. I am one of the few people who knows ... she certainly never pressed charges or even told her parents. Many people, including the esteemed Dr. Ruth and apparently more than a few people on this thread, believe that there is a point where "no" is meaningless, that there is a point where a "yes" cannot be revoked.
How horrible, and a very difficult topic to talk about or reconcile. It's quite alarming. I'm not sure what you are referring to, and it doesn't really matter, but I was reading new statistics on anal sex between long-term heterosexual couples, and how many of the occurences were forced/coerced/bullied = rape. It was a frightening read.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
There was a news story last week about a group of women in a restuarant who noticed a woman's date put something in her drink when she wasn't looking. They followed her into the bathroom, told her, and waited around until the man was arrested at the restuarant. The perp was someone she had known for a year and a half, a coworker, and someone she identified to the hero women as "one of her best friends."
Maybe she was dressed like a ****, though. Probably asked for it.
A woman is never responsible for being raped. Never.
I hope you are not the parent of a son....
Fine... keep thinking that and telling your daughters that... and the rapes will continue. I don't understand why you would rather argue for the right for all women to be able to dress slutty and be c*ckteases, instead of telling young women to be more aware of how they are dressing and acting is affecting the men around them. If they want to exude sexuality, then they should expect sexual advances. Instead, they should only be acting sexy towards men that they are interested in having a sexual relationship with. In fact, I think it very mean-spirited and cruel to be flirtatious with men that they would never date in a million years. Why be so unkind? Why be a user?
What's that...about 57 months shorter than what Brian Banks served?
And not just that--he is separated from the rest of the population---supposedly this is something they do with sexual offenders to protect them since other inmates are apt to attack them. I knew pedophiles were likely to be attacked---not sure why Turner would be more likely to be attacked. Once again, cushy treatment...
Fine... keep thinking that and telling your daughters that... and the rapes will continue. I don't understand why you would rather argue for the right for all women to be able to dress slutty and be c*ckteases, instead of telling young women to be more aware of how they are dressing and acting is affecting the men around them. If they want to exude sexuality, then they should expect sexual advances. Instead, they should only be acting sexy towards men that they are interested in having a sexual relationship with. In fact, I think it very mean-spirited and cruel to be flirtatious with men that they would never date in a million years. Why be so unkind? Why be a user?
I am sure you will disagree, as you have said enough in this thread already. However, there is a big disconnect between how a woman acts, and whether a man forces himself on her.
Whether or not girls and women should be raised to be aware of risks and avoid situations which may put them at a heightened level of risk is a total and completely different conversation.
Placing the blame on a woman based on her wardrobe or whether she is a flirt is a sorry defense for a man knowingly and consciously raping her. A woman who puts herself at greater risk is not giving some kind of "consent by circumstance" because she has a showy dress, drank too many drinks, or acted flirty.
Maybe this has something to do with "hookup culture"? Sex in the City, free porn, sexting?
In my younger days we dressed in tight designer jeans, short skirts, tube tops, daisy dukes, high platform shoes and no one talked of c*** teasing or getting raped. Those clothes were considered young and cute for teens and twenties. Men wore short shorts too. No one expected sex because of cut off shorts. There also wasn't a cultural expectation of FWBs and hookups. If you were into it, free love, but wearing a halter crop top or flirting with a boy was not an indication you were into casual sex or trying to bother men. Now if you do that, you are called names and open to being raped? It's got to be more than the clothes and the flirting.
Fine... keep thinking that and telling your daughters that... and the rapes will continue. I don't understand why you would rather argue for the right for all women to be able to dress slutty and be c*ckteases, instead of telling young women to be more aware of how they are dressing and acting is affecting the men around them. If they want to exude sexuality, then they should expect sexual advances. Instead, they should only be acting sexy towards men that they are interested in having a sexual relationship with. In fact, I think it very mean-spirited and cruel to be flirtatious with men that they would never date in a million years. Why be so unkind? Why be a user?
It is becoming crystal clear that you are jealous of these women, hence they deserve to be raped. Ok, gotcha. Have a nice life.
And I disagree to that. It's all about good parenting techniques. In my family, we were keen to please our parents. And we were also taught that the elders in our family were more important that the younger members. We weren't coddled like precious snowflakes either. Therefore, when my parents told us that our job as their children was to go to school and focus on our academics, we did. My mother also closely scrutinized all of our friends and asked what their parents did. And that made me think more about what sort of friends I wanted to hang around with. And my sisters and I weren't dressed up as "cute girls" either. Having boyfriends in high school wasn't important to me. I waited until I got to college for that, and even then I didn't get into any sort of real dating until I was out of school, had a job and my own apartment. And looking back, I am glad I waited for romance, because I was able to focus on me first.
Parents coddle their kids way too much, and hover over them too much also. They need to learn the importance of thinking and using commonsense. They need to learn from their mistakes. There is no bad luck in this world, just a lot of not enough forethought and poor decision making.
I am really curious to know if you have kids at all. Sure, most kids want to please their parents. But there's also the element of rebellion, and that of peer pressure. Gosh, back in the early 60s my mom was appalled at the short skirts (short at that time being to the mid-knee), nylon stockings (yes, pre-pantyhose days) with tennis shoes, etc in jr. high. She did let me do both. Most parents are happy if the kids get good grades, and learn to overlook the clothing styles.
By high school there was plenty of drinking. Just 10 miles away, in Ohio, 18 year olds could drink beer legally, and "going to Ohio" was a popular activity for some. (Not me, but probably b/c no one asked me along more than anything else.)
But none of this really matters. The woman was 22, I believe, an adult. She was working.
Parents get blamed for too much.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane
Maybe this has something to do with "hookup culture"? Sex in the City, free porn, sexting?
In my younger days we dressed in tight designer jeans, short skirts, tube tops, daisy dukes, high platform shoes and no one talked of c*** teasing or getting raped. Those clothes were considered young and cute for teens and twenties. Men wore short shorts too. No one expected sex because of cut off shorts. There also wasn't a cultural expectation of FWBs and hookups. If you were into it, free love, but wearing a halter crop top or flirting with a boy was not an indication you were into casual sex or trying to bother men. Now if you do that, you are called names and open to being raped? It's got to be more than the clothes and the flirting.
I don't know about that! In my younger days, before yours I think, we wore miniskirts in college and even at work as a young nurse. As skirts got shorter, we allowed to wear pants to work. But rape was present, though not as much talked about. In fact, when I was in college, it was just starting to be talked about. Sadly, attitudes seem not to have changed a lot since the late 60s.
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How horrible, and a very difficult topic to talk about or reconcile. It's quite alarming. I'm not sure what you are referring to, and it doesn't really matter, but I was reading new statistics on anal sex between long-term heterosexual couples, and how many of the occurences were forced/coerced/bullied = rape. It was a frightening read.
