Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I had a mentor tell me once, "It's better to fix the problem than to fix the blame."
You're not interested in fixing the problem if you won't discuss ways to fix it; you continually repeat that you're only interested in fixing the blame.
Is that the vibe every man in your physical vicinity gets from you? That you won't discuss anything with him until he shoulders the guilt of this cloud of black men you're angry with?
Why should a "good" black man shoulder the guilt of the bad black men? Why should he deal with a woman who insists that he shoulder the guilt of other black men? A "bad" black man isn't going to shoulder that guilt, so why would a "good" black man shoulder guilt that isn't even his?
I had a mentor tell me once, "It's better to fix the problem than to fix the blame."
You're not interested in fixing the problem if you won't discuss ways to fix it; you continually repeat that you're only interested in fixing the blame.
Is that the vibe every man in your physical vicinity gets from you? That you won't discuss anything with him until he shoulders the guilt of this cloud of black men you're angry with?
Why should a "good" black man shoulder the guilt of the bad black men? Why should he deal with a woman who insists that he shoulder the guilt of other black men? A "bad" black man isn't going to shoulder that guilt, so why would a "good" black man shoulder guilt that isn't even his?
Okay Jesus did that...are you looking for Jesus?
it's not the responsibility to "good" black men to police other people. We have enough on our plates just living in this country. And quite frankly I'm tired this thing that occurs were people search out the good black men and lecture them, and the lecturers never addresses the bad black men. It's a real quick way to get tuned out. When I was a kid I was a homebody for the most part. I liked tv and videogames or whatever. But guess who was always got lectured by my parents, aunts and uncles about "yall young people need to pull ya pants up and get out these streets"...again, they wouldn't go out and lecture those young people "in the streets" they came and found me.
I had a mentor tell me once, "It's better to fix the problem than to fix the blame."
You're not interested in fixing the problem if you won't discuss ways to fix it; you continually repeat that you're only interested in fixing the blame.
Is that the vibe every man in your physical vicinity gets from you? That you won't discuss anything with him until he shoulders the guilt of this cloud of black men you're angry with?
Why should a "good" black man shoulder the guilt of the bad black men? Why should he deal with a woman who insists that he shoulder the guilt of other black men? A "bad" black man isn't going to shoulder that guilt, so why would a "good" black man shoulder guilt that isn't even his?
Okay Jesus did that...are you looking for Jesus?
We will NEVER fix the problems if we won't even honestly discuss those problems.
It is really easy for you to dismiss my posts as being "angry with black men". I am not angry with black men, I am disappointed with black people.....my people.
We NEVER want to get to the root of our problems and fix them. We ALWAYS want to blame "the white man" for everything instead of COLLECTIVELY taking personal responsibility. We look for the easy way out. We shift blame and we continue to get no where.
"Good" black men. "Bad" black men. None of it really matters because society lumps all of you together.
Wanted to note in regards to speaking about problems, that oftentimes talking doesn't solve anything.
On the babies out of wedlock thing, I think instead of trying to admonish black girls/young women for having babies (which IMO are a blessing) that we should instead mentor our young girls and young women and educate them about safe sex, contraceptives, and abstinence as options for their lives in order to ensure that they grow and mature and are ready for a family instead of being put into a difficult situation regarding an unplanned pregnancy.
I agree with 8won in that oftentimes when black people in general complain about something we don't like, we direct those complaints at black family, friends, and community members who are not doing those things. He mentioned the whole "pull up your pants" thing and I have witnessed the stuff he spoke about. I'll admit that I do tell young men (and women) who I don't know that they should pull up their pants lol. I don't direct those comments to kids who don't do those things.
The main thing I speak to responsible and successful black men is to ask them to mentor a young black boy who may need a positive influence in his life or the beginning of a professional network. Organizations like "100 Black Men" are very important IMO for our youth and the main thing that black men need to do is to assist black boys into becoming young men.
Babies will be born and we, as a community need to care about those babies, the mothers and the fathers IMO and assist them to assist our demographic. All this talk is useless.
I'll also note that I don't care how other groups see us. We will always be seen as "bad" or "worse" than other demographics. No matter what we do as a demographic the negatives will remain because they are ingrained in American culture. The best thing to do is not GAF about what anyone thinks of us and to work on a local level within our families and if we can with organizations, churches, and other persons to steer our youth toward education, entrepreneurship, and strong familial connections (whether biological or even adopted/play family).
Again, black men and black women will always have issues. All males and females have issues. Action is more important than talk and it doesn't really take all that much effort to be a positive, supportive influence on another black person who may need some positivity, support, and to have their mind expanded regarding the possibilities of their life, regardless of past mis-deeds and bad decisions.
Will also note that I stated the above because as a young girl/young woman, I received a lot of both familial support and was basically "adopted" by a professional black woman who showed me what possibilities I could have as a black woman in America beyond those I saw in my family and community.
I did have a child out of wedlock with my current husband. The family saw it negatively but it is what it is and my mentor told me that it would just mean I would have to work harder and be more dedicated to my goals in order to benefit both of our lives. She also had a child out of wedlock, when she was only a teenager (I was 23 when my son was born). Yet she now makes nearly $200k annually in her career, she makes it a priority to professionally mentor young black people in her field. I was very fortunate to meet her when I was around 25 years old as knowing her has opened up a lot of doors for me and my eyes regarding the world around me. She took me on international trips for he first time. She encouraged me to be open minded. She reminded me of how talented I was and that I could do anything I wanted and how to focus on a particular project and get it finished even with the hiccups and fires that get in the way (she used to joke that our job was "putting out fires" and she'd act like she was stepping on flames every time we worked on one lol).
Professional mentorship and educational mentorship IMO is VERY important for black Americans. Instead of all this arguing we should be helping someone, even if it is a friend. We should ESPECIALLY be singling out talented high school students who are black, both suburban and inner city because our economic situation is always tenuous and our education, especially for inner city youth is usually subpar compared to other schools. I primarily focus on high school kids and spend a good amount of my time looking for programs that will pull the young inner city kids in my area (since I live in the inner city) into an educational program that will broaden their horizons along with give them some academic preparation for college. I do this because some of the young women I mentor, who were A+ students in high school, yet who went to either working class suburban high schools or inner city high schools, they went to college and were SEVERELY behind. I had a girl I mentor a few years ago become severely depressed about how she was not prepared at her suburban high school for OSU pre-med programs. The science and math classes she received just were nothing like what other students in her cohort had taken in high school. This is a huge issue - our kids not being prepared for college who are capable academically. Our young men especially need some mentorship in this field and for me, it is disheartening that in my area we will have all these professional black men come out and shake hands with black boys at the beginning of the school year and then they don't show up to mentor or speak at all to these young boys who could use the inspiration of these men, who come from the same background as they do and to give them an early professional network.
I am going to answer this question, however, the truth will be ignored.
Black men (and then by extension black people) are not respected because all men are expected to secure resources, to build communities to protect those resources, and create a legacy that carry what they have built and the resources that they have secured into future generations. Collectively, black men do not secure or build; they consume and often destroy. And often, when black men do individually secure resources and build for their individual legacy it is with women who are not of their own race therefore ensuring that their legacy will be absorbed back into that of white/non-black patriarchies.
The blame game is often employed as an excuse for not being able to "secure resources" or to "build communities". There is zero accountability or personal responsibility.
Also, there is a lack of shame or guilt in allowing the heavy lifting to be done by black women. Femininity flourishes when there is security, protection, safety and resources.
And I know what you are going to say...."I'm not like that. I'm a good/respectable/upstanding black man". Well, unfortunately for all of us there are far too many black people walking around who fit the negative stereotypes for any of us to truly be exceptions.
....but I know that this post will be ignored because I didn't throw rose petals at their feet.
It's so funny, I don't recall asking you of anyone else to throw rose petals at my feet. That said, there's plenty of deadbeat black WOMEN as well. And no it can't all be blamed on black men. You want to talk honesty? If a BW is having that many men problems (i.e., Single mother five kids none of them with the same father), then maybe it's not the men that are the problem. The ones who don't half dress their kids but can buy s head full of weave. I worked in the social services field so I've seen it. As far as only being better squatters or wanting what white men have. Depending on where one is from that ain't a whole lot.
I am going to answer this question, however, the truth will be ignored.
Black men (and then by extension black people) are not respected because all men are expected to secure resources, to build communities to protect those resources, and create a legacy that carry what they have built and the resources that they have secured into future generations. Collectively, black men do not secure or build; they consume and often destroy. And often, when black men do individually secure resources and build for their individual legacy it is with women who are not of their own race therefore ensuring that their legacy will be absorbed back into that of white/non-black patriarchies.
The blame game is often employed as an excuse for not being able to "secure resources" or to "build communities". There is zero accountability or personal responsibility.
Also, there is a lack of shame or guilt in allowing the heavy lifting to be done by black women. Femininity flourishes when there is security, protection, safety and resources.
And I know what you are going to say...."I'm not like that. I'm a good/respectable/upstanding black man". Well, unfortunately for all of us there are far too many black people walking around who fit the negative stereotypes for any of us to truly be exceptions.
....but I know that this post will be ignored because I didn't throw rose petals at their feet.
I agree with this. There are expectations for men and the majority of "black" men fail to meet them. I have always said that, generally speaking, where men have themselves together, the women and children will follow. The reason is because men were designed to be leaders of the home.
So when they point fingers at the opposite sex, the other fingers point back at them. They fail to realize it is really a reflection on them. My thought is, you are a MAN. Get it together. Personally, I grew up with an excellent father, who is also an amazing husband. So in my mind, there are standards for men, for what truly makes a man.
Btw, I am not including Africans in this, but rather generational Westernized "black" people, especially in the U.S.
It's so funny, I don't recall asking you of anyone else to throw rose petals at my feet. That said, there's plenty of deadbeat black WOMEN as well. And no it can't all be blamed on black men. You want to talk honesty? If a BW is having that many men problems (i.e., Single mother five kids none of them with the same father), then maybe it's not the men that are the problem. The ones who don't half dress their kids but can buy s head full of weave. I worked in the social services field so I've seen it. As far as only being better squatters or wanting what white men have. Depending on where one is from that ain't a whole lot.
How can black men not be the problem if the women is still single? That means 5 black men have no problem depositing their seed somewhere and not marrying the woman. She is a problem but she is 1 woman. Meanwhile you have 5 black men involved in the mess. It isn't just black women either, black men do this with other women as well. And then you wonder why parents of other backgrounds don't want their daughters dating black boys/men? There was an article years back that called "Once you go black, you become a single mother." It was removed because it angered many. However, in the vast majority of cases, it's true.
In an independent study on the Social Science Research Network “Examining the Birth Trends, Family Structure, Economic Standing, Paternal Relationships, and Emotional Stability of Biracial Children with African American Fathers,” Tiffany Calloway, B.S. J.M, claimed “92% of biracial children with African American fathers are born out of wedlock and 82% end up on government assistance.”
Last edited by ReineDeCoeur; 06-24-2017 at 05:22 AM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
