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I think what you're failing to understand is that we're not taking it as a compliment.
That's your problem then.
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If you take the time to notice something that we have worked hard to accomplish and make a comment on that, that is a compliment.
That could be the very thing you say that offends you. So if someone works hard on themselves am I to compliment them on that or not?
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Ham-handedly giving us your approval on our looks is condescending and offensive. Unless you can honestly say you go around telling strange men how good they look all the time.
I addressed this already. I've complained about this all the time when discussing things. I don't understand why I have to repeat myself over and over. Sometimes I scan also and don't read all replies thoroughly but first off I NEVER said I make remarks to anyone all the time.
I also addressed the point that I will respectfully make remarks to both men and women. I even provided a real life example. Because you are not able to differentiate between a crude sexual remark, which I understand someone disliking and a legitimate compliment won't stop me from being complimentary to people.
Men don't have nearly the concern of sexual assault.
I'm thinking that if any man thinking it were no big deal ended up in prison, they might understand how cat calls are a bit disturbing if they were the target of the calls.
I wish people would realize that what you're all complaining about is ridiculous when you look at the rest of the world - I really have no sympathy for these pity parties. Now someone I do feel for is this child - he has a reason to complain: https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/moms-he...150903458.html
Life is not throwing women anything they can't handle - unlike this poor child. Suck it up!
Mature adults can care about more than one thing at a time and can hold a conversation on a topic without it clouding everything else out.
This is a lazy way to get out of an argument and doesn't address the topic at hand.
Why does someone meaning well over rule basic manners? It is simple politeness, if you don't know so one, don't comment on their appearance.
Then we have people who truly can't smile due to a medical issue or disease. A teacher at my son's school has a syndrome where she can't make any facial expressions. It always looks like she is just staring straight ahead. I'm sure she would LOVE to smile but she can't. People should just mind their manners, like you said.
Okay, I'm going to share a lot because it seems like it might be the only way to make people understand. I share a lot, anyway, just because it's the way I am. Sometimes people say nasty things in response to my sharing, sometimes they don't. I'm used to it now, though, and maybe if it helps someone else, it's worth it. I don't know.
When I was 4, I was sexually abused by the next door neighbor. It went on until I was about 11. I would beg my parents to not send me over to his house, but he'd call and say he needed help with getting mail or dialing the phone... and I was sent over. They'd say, "He's old. He needs help." He'd lock me in his room while I begged to be let out. His wife sat in the living room right outside the door and could hear me asking to be let out. When he'd finally allow me to go home, I'd run to the door and jump on my bike. He'd send his German Shepherd after me as I furiously pedaled home, crying the whole time. He told me that he "just couldn't help it because I was so beautiful and he just HAD to touch me." The shame, guilt, and disgust I felt was very real and very damaging. I can remember every catcalling incident because they ALL brought back those feelings of shame and disgust that were instilled in me at a very young age. I'm at the age now where it doesn't ruin my day if someone says something dumb to me. But I still resent the intrusion because it's taken me a long time to get to where I feel good about myself and life in general. I want to be friendly and like people... and I DO. And sometimes I am not friendly and don't like people... and that is okay, too. Women don't need to be a certain way just because someone tells them to. I don't owe anyone smiles or friendliness just because they demand it of me.
So if you think that 13 year old girl walking down the street, covering her chest in an attempt to not be noticed isn't hurt by some grown man catcalling her, I have news for you. It certainly does hurt. It's BAD behavior. And I have to believe that any woman in this world would want that kid to NOT have to go through that. I realize my situation is rather extreme, but there are a lot of sexual abuse survivors... and I guarantee they feel sick when someone objectifies them. It's not so simple as, "Oh, well, they're just words." You should be able to claim your space in this world... walk down the street, go grocery shopping, whatever... without someone commenting on your physical appearance. It's just that simple. No one HAS to catcall. It's a choice they make... and it's not a choice they make to brighten anyone's day. They feel like they have the upper hand and can say whatever they feel and if a woman complains about it, then she's being "sensitive." They KNOW that people will excuse the behavior... because it's always been like that. Maybe it's time to just start trying for some decency, you know? Instead of telling women to get over it, let's start telling the catcallers to stop being dickheads instead.
<3 Thank you for your story.
I've been the subject of sexual harassment several times. I've also been the victim of rape after being drugged at a bar. I've also been propositioned, as if I was a prostitute, numerous times by men old enough to be my grandfather.
You are absolutely right. Catcalling brings all those feelings of shame, humiliation, fear to the surface again and its even worse because it happens out of the blue. Like, maybe I'm walking downtown really enjoying a nice sunny day, grabbing a coffee with a friend and some ******* feels the need to shout to me, "Nice ****!!" It completely ruins your mood and you feel exposed somehow. Everyone else on the street is looking at you. Its a form of bullying, really.
It doesn't seem like a scientific survey to be fair. They include leering, whistling and honking, lewd gestures, sexually explicit comments, path blocking, kissing noises, touching, assault, and masterbating among other things as street harassment so it includes more than catcalling. It looks like 81%-95% of women surveyed had been cat called (81% if you think of it as shouted out sexual comments and 95% if you think of it as whistling and honking.
Twice in my life I've had men masterbate in public in front of me. Once when I was 15 and working at a summer job and once on public transportation a few years back (we were the only two in the train car). I personally feel that is a higher level than catcalling.
I think this is something men just don't get. Men are bigger than most women and more intimidating. Men assault women a lot more than women do men. There are sickos out there and even if a man isn't a sicko and thinks he's making a harmless comment, he's acting just like the ones who are real threats and since it's a stranger we don't know if you are or aren't a threat. I and all of my friends starting getting these kinds of comments starting at 12-13 years old.
It boils down to its rude at best and it's threatening at worst. Stop before you cat call and ask would you want someone saying these things to your daughter? Your wife or girlfriend? Your sister or mother? And have a little empathy.
Oh I forgot the good old flashers/masturbaters. I've encountered two myself - one on a public bus and one near the high school. Fun times.
There's an article in our local paper about some guy who exposed himself to 8 different young girls and women recently. He'd ask them to approach his vehicle under the guise of needing directions and then expose his genitals.
Some guy asked, "Why would anyone call the cops about this?"
A woman told him that exposing genitals to people randomly on the street is a crime.
He advised her that the girls and women should, "make the best of the situation. They get to see a penis."
I've said, "That is an impressive beard". I ran into a guy at a concert. He had dreads down to the back of his knees. I told him they were impressive. He even allowed me to take his picture.
I ran into him a couple times now. We say Hi.
I'm still going to disagree here. One can give another a compliment that is not sexual in nature. It's simply an honest compliment.
I have to agree with you here. I've had men give me compliments before and they were completely non-threatening. Its all in the delivery, body language and environment.
I have to agree with you here. I've had men give me compliments before and they were completely non-threatening. Its all in the delivery, body language and environment.
yeah and usually the ones complaining are the jealous ugly looking feminist types that don't get hit on anyway.
go figure.
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Originally Posted by skepticratic
Yeah, ****ing feminism telling women they're worth extends beyond physical appearance. What an absurd ideal...
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