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I'm not looking to have kids, but this is the reality today. Maybe in another time someone could have kids in their early 20s and do well, but that's just not today's reality. A family can't live off one salary anymore so you need child care, people have to save for their own retirement (very few pensions out there), people have to move away from home to find work so they lose the family support network, etc.
Today's reality is if kids become affordable for a couple, it's usually after you have an established career and a decent nest egg. That's usually in one's late 20s to early 30s.
In my dream world, I'd have 5 kids already. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. I'm 29, and likely won't even be able to consider having kids for a few years. And that's with my boyfriend and I planning on eloping to keep wedding costs null.
You do what you have to do, and for many of us, that means waiting to have kids until we're prepared. If there is so much concern about birth rates, then rally for subsidized daycare and paid parent leave so the middle class can entertain having children at the optimum time. Otherwise, you'll see the wealthy and poor able to have many children, while the middle class has fewer children later.
I would rather, if it were to happen, that it happens after I've had time to build savings and make a name for myself in my career which means in their 30s for most people, rather than at 24 or 25 when you are not financially prepared to handle such a blow.
There are no guarantees in life. I grew up in an area where people have kids young and say "G-d provides." They then find themselves in a world of hurt when they have children with special needs that they cannot afford to take care of.
I'm in no position to have children. This is why if I ever date(I'm turning 31 soon and I've been perennially single), I don't want to date a woman with children. I'm not ready yet, so I won't feel comfortable taking on someone else's children. I had personal problems in my 20s, and I've been playing catch-up for the past few years.
Most of my high school graduation class(2004) has kids. There were those that had kids before they graduated high school, those that got married young then had kids, and those who are divorced. Where I went to high school, there are people on their 2nd divorce before turning 30. I don't want to go through a divorce. One reason for being quite picky.
What you mentioned about special needs kids, I only know of one situation like that. And said person has 3 kids.
How on earth does that make millennials "spoiled brats"?
Look at what millennials saw. I don't have the estimates but I'd bet that a good chunk of them lived in homes where the parents got divorced. Even if they didn't, we all saw a good fat chunk of friends' parents get divorced. Oh yes, let's rush on in to that fun time!
First we tell people not to rush in to it, then we tell them that they're spoiled brats for not rushing in to it.
If people want to take the time to get an education, get a good job, start making some money, go live life before they ever decide to get hitched, have kids, live in the suburban home with the white picket fence where everything looks the same...I applaud that. There's no need to rush in to anything. I'd rather someone do it right than do it wrong and make life miserable for their kids.
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Originally Posted by tamajane
Come on now.
Just say you don't want to get married. The excuses get old. If you have a lousy job isn't it better to have someone else who can help support you, share in the rent and bills and paying taxes. ???? No one forces you into a very long educational career (professional student)...lol. When you get your great job because 22 years of school, then you don't want to get married because too much to lose in a divorce, so you cant be poor and married, and can't be well off and married, oh no....
No one said being low income is a reason to get married. It isn't reason not to get married if you are inclined to marry your partner. How is pooling two incomes bad...?
No one said being low income is a reason to get married. It isn't reason not to get married if you are inclined to marry your partner. How is pooling two incomes bad...?
Pooling two incomes for living expenses isn't bad. Joining yourself legally to someone's finances (and past financial choices!) is a different situation.
Except for the stubborn refusal to acknowledge that biology does not agree. A 35 year old woman is old. Period. It is not an optimal age to have a child. It is often disastrous to have a 1st child at that age. But in America we hide the overwhelming evidence of misery, and highlight the occasional happy endings.
Nonsense if the woman is healthy there's no problem 99.999 percent of the time.
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Originally Posted by jm1982
I'm not a baby boomer , but if younger generations blame everything on the older generation it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy .
You see people doing this in general .
"I didn't go to a good school ... so I can't X"
"I wasn't born into money so I can't X"
Also not cool to call older people "old farts"
Just like it's not right to call younger people "young punks" or "spoiled little brats "
Yes some are but generalizing like that isn't right.
The older generations are out of touch they worked in the 50's through the 70's when the country was totally different. Sadly these are the people running the country and that's why we're in the mess we're in.
Let all these pull up your boot strap preachers try and make it in this day and age...they'll be crying and longing to go back to the 60's and their hippie headband.
In my dream world, I'd have 5 kids already. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. I'm 29, and likely won't even be able to consider having kids for a few years. And that's with my boyfriend and I planning on eloping to keep wedding costs null.
You do what you have to do, and for many of us, that means waiting to have kids until we're prepared. If there is so much concern about birth rates, then rally for subsidized daycare and paid parent leave so the middle class can entertain having children at the optimum time. Otherwise, you'll see the wealthy and poor able to have many children, while the middle class has fewer children later.
You may not have a 'few years'. You might. But if its that important to you, don't you want better for yourself (and them) than 'might'? The great majority of American children exist because their parents weren't expecting them. In fact many were trying NOT to have them. Sad. Sad that so many who want children leave it till its too late because they want everything to be right financially and that is never going to happen. And so many that didn't want children have them because their knowledge or use of efficient birth control is so inept. I don't know if there are ways to test fertility before the fact, but if there is and I was a 29 y.o. woman, I would at least want to know where I stood. FWIW.
You may not have a 'few years'. You might. But if its that important to you, don't you want better for yourself (and them) than 'might'? The great majority of American children exist because their parents weren't expecting them. In fact many were trying NOT to have them. Sad. Sad that so many who want children leave it till its too late because they want everything to be right financially and that is never going to happen. And so many that didn't want children have them because their knowledge or use of efficient birth control is so inept. I don't know if there are ways to test fertility before the fact, but if there is and I was a 29 y.o. woman, I would at least want to know where I stood. FWIW.
Children are one of the biggest reasons for poverty and people getting on the system. This subsequently leads to relationship problems and stress, if there's even a relationship to begin with. Since being a single mom now w/ no man in the picture has been normalized. You act like the woman is the only factor in the equation. She has to find the man first too, and not just anyone.
You may not have a 'few years'. You might. But if its that important to you, don't you want better for yourself (and them) than 'might'? The great majority of American children exist because their parents weren't expecting them. In fact many were trying NOT to have them. Sad. Sad that so many who want children leave it till its too late because they want everything to be right financially and that is never going to happen. And so many that didn't want children have them because their knowledge or use of efficient birth control is so inept. I don't know if there are ways to test fertility before the fact, but if there is and I was a 29 y.o. woman, I would at least want to know where I stood. FWIW.
I learned where I stood when I was told at 23 that it would cost $14,000 to bank my eggs before starting chemo. There's a chance, sure, but it's not particularly reliant on my age at this point. Not to mention the further out from cancer I am, the safer it will be for me to even carry a pregnancy to term. Yes, I know I'm not typical, but everyone lives their own circumstances.
There are many ways to build a family.
I want things to be financially right because daycare for an infant costs $2000 a month where I live. If I was to become accidentally pregnant, I wouldn't be able to afford the daycare costs. It would also be unlikely that I could up and move somewhere cheaper while 4, 6, 8 months pregnant. People figure it out, sure, but both my partner and I had parents who winged it and WE will be paying for that mistake as they age. I won't do that to my kids.
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