Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
There are some ultra sensitive women out there. I'm a gay man with a male fiance that everyone knows about and I still got accused of hitting on a female coworker. What did I do? It's been a long time habit of mine to take people I train out to lunch. The males always we're delighted by the free meal. Then one female started avoiding me after our lunch. Not long after, someone told me she was telling people I was hitting on her. I had to show her a picture of my male fiance before I sent her to another office.
This wasn't the first time this has happened to me. It seems to me that some women think a guy is nice to them then the guy wants something in return.
I can understand why a lot of men are weary of being alone with a woman. The next accusation could be the end of their career. Personally, I have way too much to lose to risk it. This is why nowadays I always meet a female coworker in a public place.
Added by edit.
Like Pedro said, I have never had another male coworker think I was hitting on them nor have I ever heard of a male accusing another male of sexual harassment. But if a gay male like me could get accused of harassing a female coworker, then imagine how cautious the straight males have to be to avoid the accusations.
Probably something that happens to gay men just as much as straight men, because so many women desire that stereotypical caricature they want to be besties with. I'd bet most people don't even realize how many gay people they work alongside.
I never had an issue being one on one or going to lunch with a gay coworker. They are just one of the guys, and you can be yourself and not have to worry about any simple "misunderstanding". That's just not the case with women.
I guess things are really changing. Women should be careful with these baseless accusations like in your case, it isn't good for them in the long run. It would never occur to me that going to lunch with someone at work is harassment unless they did something inappropriate during the lunch. But the lunch itself... well, no.
Even the simplest things can be perceived as inappropriate just like me trying to read a name tag.
Maybe men should become househusbands and leave running the world to women for a while. Men have made a colossal mess of things.
I agree. They seem terribly frightened to just be themselves. Straight white males have run thing for so long . . . . let's give someone else a chance.
If you're a male who puts himself in a situation where you are alone with a woman at work, you lack it.
I'm a male, and one of the things I'm learning for the purposes of my sanity is that it's not a good idea to worry about consequences for things that you haven't done. I know that's easier said than done, especially since being [seriously] accused of sexual harassment as a guy is terrifying and career ruining. But if you are not actively engaging in behaviors that normal people would consider sexual harassment, then you shouldn't seriously worry about it.
Of course, we need to take reasonable precautions to stay safe, but the key word is reasonable. For example, car accidents could also ruin our lives, so maybe we take reasonable precautions like driving the speed limit and wearing seatbelts. Never going in a car, however, would be an extreme reaction to such danger, and we'd probably label somebody who did so as phobic. It's the same with women in the workplace. It's not a good idea to put yourself in obviously compromising situations, but in general, if you're going to interact professionally in a certain way with men, you should interact that way with women as well. Running out of the room screaming like a little schoolboy because you're left alone with a woman who's not your wife in the workplace because OMG she could accuse me of sexual harassment because I'm there and male is not a reasonable reaction in my opinion.
I would also like to address yours and Metroworld's "stories." You were looking at a woman's name tag, and she assumed your were oggling her "assets." This is a misunderstanding. These things happen all of the time. It's highly unlikely you're going to have your career ruined over looking at a woman's name tag. It's a reasonable explanation, there's a good chance that she might not have even been serious, she probably accepted your explanation with the "mmm hmmm," and you moved on. With Metroworld's story, I think it's fair to say that sometimes when dealing with the opposite sex, we make assumptions that we might not make with the same sex (regardless of one's sexuality.) For example, I had a friend of a female co-worker who would write flowery notes with hearts dotting the i's and all that. My co-worker knew that she was being "girly." Myself, on the other hand when receiving those notes, thought she might be hitting on me, and it made me kind of uncomfortable. I think that's kind of what went on with Metroworld's young and conventionally attractive female trainee. Her expectation was that men would treat her in a special way in order to hit on her. Metroworld was just being a nice guy, and in fact not offering her any special treatment, but she likely perceived it differently, making her uncomfortable. That being said, I also don't see in his situation that this crossed the threshold into true sexual harassment territory. It's something Metroworld did with everybody, and even if he were straight, I don't think an investigator would think differently.
Fortunately, I think that this perceived being uncomfortable goes away with getting to know people better. You wouldn't give your house keys to a stranger, even if that stranger is trustworthy, but you might give them to your best friend. Likewise, a new female hire might feel uncomfortable going to lunch with a male superior, but if you've worked together for four years and have built a trust and rapport with each other, that's not going to be the case. As men, we need to look at the professional environment with women wholistically - not running scared, but that they're real people with real feelings and ideas and whatnot who can be just as valuable to our workplace as men.
i am not a social conservative, not religious but as a married man i made the conscious decision to come home to my family NOT GUILTY.
old peeps, Mike Pence and others have built a reputation for them selves. Maybe its was an accepted thing to do back than. Now they are being held accountable.
I'm a male, and one of the things I'm learning for the purposes of my sanity is that it's not a good idea to worry about consequences for things that you haven't done. I know that's easier said than done, especially since being [seriously] accused of sexual harassment as a guy is terrifying and career ruining. But if you are not actively engaging in behaviors that normal people would consider sexual harassment, then you shouldn't seriously worry about it.
Of course, we need to take reasonable precautions to stay safe, but the key word is reasonable. For example, car accidents could also ruin our lives, so maybe we take reasonable precautions like driving the speed limit and wearing seatbelts. Never going in a car, however, would be an extreme reaction to such danger, and we'd probably label somebody who did so as phobic. It's the same with women in the workplace. It's not a good idea to put yourself in obviously compromising situations, but in general, if you're going to interact professionally in a certain way with men, you should interact that way with women as well. Running out of the room screaming like a little schoolboy because you're left alone with a woman who's not your wife in the workplace because OMG she could accuse me of sexual harassment because I'm there and male is not a reasonable reaction in my opinion.
I would also like to address yours and Metroworld's "stories." You were looking at a woman's name tag, and she assumed your were oggling her "assets." This is a misunderstanding. These things happen all of the time. It's highly unlikely you're going to have your career ruined over looking at a woman's name tag. It's a reasonable explanation, there's a good chance that she might not have even been serious, she probably accepted your explanation with the "mmm hmmm," and you moved on. With Metroworld's story, I think it's fair to say that sometimes when dealing with the opposite sex, we make assumptions that we might not make with the same sex (regardless of one's sexuality.) For example, I had a friend of a female co-worker who would write flowery notes with hearts dotting the i's and all that. My co-worker knew that she was being "girly." Myself, on the other hand when receiving those notes, thought she might be hitting on me, and it made me kind of uncomfortable. I think that's kind of what went on with Metroworld's young and conventionally attractive female trainee. Her expectation was that men would treat her in a special way in order to hit on her. Metroworld was just being a nice guy, and in fact not offering her any special treatment, but she likely perceived it differently, making her uncomfortable. That being said, I also don't see in his situation that this crossed the threshold into true sexual harassment territory. It's something Metroworld did with everybody, and even if he were straight, I don't think an investigator would think differently.
Fortunately, I think that this perceived being uncomfortable goes away with getting to know people better. You wouldn't give your house keys to a stranger, even if that stranger is trustworthy, but you might give them to your best friend. Likewise, a new female hire might feel uncomfortable going to lunch with a male superior, but if you've worked together for four years and have built a trust and rapport with each other, that's not going to be the case. As men, we need to look at the professional environment with women wholistically - not running scared, but that they're real people with real feelings and ideas and whatnot who can be just as valuable to our workplace as men.
In a perfect world, explanations of simple misunderstanding are believed and forgotten. In the real world, that's not always the case. In the real world, it's still noted in HR records. In the real world, even the perception of "may or may not have been an issue" can effect promotions and assignments "unofficially".
You can gamble all you'd like, but I don't advise it for most men.
Maybe we should bring back the quaint practice of chaperones.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
