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Old 02-28-2018, 11:42 AM
 
41,111 posts, read 25,586,708 times
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Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
So don't marry a guy like that.
There is no way I would marry a guy like that. If I unknowingly did, at least today, being that we work outside the home and are not dependent we have options. This is another reason that its real bad to get pregnant before getting married. If you end up with one of those it's harder but still possible. If you stay for the kids then while everyone else is happy, and only you suffer.
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Old 02-28-2018, 11:50 AM
 
35,961 posts, read 30,501,110 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
And no busy have-it-all women are taking anti-depressant or anti anxiety meds.
Sure as are SAHMs and busy have it all men. No one is claiming being a working mom is all sunshine and skittles as they are the SAHM of the 50's and 60's.
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Old 02-28-2018, 11:52 AM
 
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Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
And no busy have-it-all women are taking anti-depressant or anti anxiety meds.
Today it's because they are overwhelmed. Taking care of the house and kids is a full time job. Today women who work and who's husband won't pull his share at home has 2 full time jobs. Do men who refuse to do their share think the he men in those days would have accepted women sitting on the couch eating bon-bons while he worked? Hardly.
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Old 02-28-2018, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Watervliet, NY
6,916 posts, read 3,898,289 times
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Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
No one is doing that. No one forced women to marry in the 50s/60s.
If you made it out of your early 20's in that time period without being married, you were considered to be an anomaly. My mother was one of the last of her female social circle to get married, meanwhile she had a huge scrapbook full of newspaper clippings of her friends' wedding announcements (which featured only the bride in the photos, never the groom).

And the only reason she did get married... she got pregnant in 1965. No shotgun, but she and my father are not exactly suited to one another - she's a Baptist, he's an atheist... they may have been great partners on the square dance floor, but marriage is entirely different. At least she chose a hard-working man with an affinity for math and science who busted his butt in night school to get his Bachelor's in Mechanical Engineering while working 40 per week as a technician in a hot lab after they were married and there were little mouths to feed, not a low-life with no prospects.
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Old 02-28-2018, 11:58 AM
 
35,961 posts, read 30,501,110 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by petch751 View Post
There is no way I would marry a guy like that. If I unknowingly did, at least today, being that we work outside the home and are not dependent we have options. This is another reason that its real bad to get pregnant before getting married. If you end up with one of those it's harder but still possible. If you stay for the kids then while everyone else is happy, and only you suffer.

As if people always know the flaws of their betrothed. Especially back then when you weren't permitted much alone time, co-habitation, etc. to better know someone. Until you share a bed and home and assets and debts you may not know that person is abusive, or an alcoholic, or stingy, or a spend thrift, or a cheat or a nag or sexually repressed or deviant, etc.


People are good at hiding their true selves and changing over the years.
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Old 02-28-2018, 11:59 AM
 
Location: Watervliet, NY
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Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
They just shamed them by calling them spinster and old maids and limited the types of jobs they could be hired to do and the level of income they had to settle for since men supporting a family were deemed more deserving on that basis alone.
Hey, my mom would have made out great if she hadn't gotten married. She excelled in Business courses, and got a job in a bank with nothing more than a high school diploma (she actually has two HS diplomas, one from NY State for Regents and the other from the school), and then she earned High Honors going to night school at Albany Business School. She was doing the books for a construction firm when she got married (due to getting pregnant). I think she would have made out fine if she had stayed single.
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Old 02-28-2018, 12:10 PM
 
41,111 posts, read 25,586,708 times
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Funny, my dad from the 50's generation always encouraged me to get an education and preached that I never depend on a man. I don't know if he understood the times were changing and had an attitude adjustment or if it was because I was his daughter and didn't want me in that position, or if he understood that even very young I didn't have the house wife mentality or if he understood I had more going for me than that but I'm VERY thankful for his encouragement and that he didn't try to groom me to be someone's maid. Thank you for not trying to force societal norms on me mom and dad, love ya!

Last edited by petch751; 02-28-2018 at 12:25 PM..
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Old 02-28-2018, 12:11 PM
 
41,111 posts, read 25,586,708 times
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Originally Posted by ContraPagan View Post
Hey, my mom would have made out great if she hadn't gotten married. She excelled in Business courses, and got a job in a bank with nothing more than a high school diploma (she actually has two HS diplomas, one from NY State for Regents and the other from the school), and then she earned High Honors going to night school at Albany Business School. She was doing the books for a construction firm when she got married (due to getting pregnant). I think she would have made out fine if she had stayed single.
I grew up with boys, not realizing the expectation for women until my teens, I always knew I would go to college and was in no hurry to marry. I had two aunts, both moved away from family, out of state, one aunt was a flight attendant in the hayday, both were single. When my aunt who was a flight attendant came into town me and my dad would go to the airport and pick her up and she stayed with us. They were close and he was always so happy to see his little sister, it was if the queen came into town.

I thought women choosing their lifestyle was normal. One aunt passed, but my aunt who's still alive explained what it was like to be a woman in those days and grandma trying to marry them off. She jokes that they "escaped" the drudgery of the 50's lifestyle. They both eventually married but it showed it was under both (husband and wife) terms, they both had happy marriages.

Last edited by petch751; 02-28-2018 at 12:46 PM..
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Old 02-28-2018, 12:16 PM
 
Location: Watervliet, NY
6,916 posts, read 3,898,289 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by petch751 View Post
I grew up with boys and didn't realize that there were expectations until my teens, I always knew I would go to college and was in no hurry to marry. I had two aunts, one was a flight attendant in the hayday, the other also moved out of state, both were single. I thought that was normal. Now we joked that they "escaped" the drudgery of the 50's life (grandma trying to marry them off). They both eventually married but it showed it was under both (husband and wife) terms.
My mother's only family growing up was her mom and older sister. Her father died when she was 4, and the entire rest of her family was in Europe, so I think the whole societal/familial pressure or influence to live a certain way wasn't a factor for her. My grandmother never remarried. Mom's sister married, had one child and got her Master's and taught school for several years.
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Old 02-28-2018, 12:48 PM
 
41,111 posts, read 25,586,708 times
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Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
As if people always know the flaws of their betrothed. Especially back then when you weren't permitted much alone time, co-habitation, etc. to better know someone. Until you share a bed and home and assets and debts you may not know that person is abusive, or an alcoholic, or stingy, or a spend thrift, or a cheat or a nag or sexually repressed or deviant, etc.


People are good at hiding their true selves and changing over the years.
Exactly and that is why it's best to be educated and be able to support yourself before getting married. In the 50's lifestyle, women got trapped because societal dictates encouraged dependency. As I said earlier in this thread, money is power and that power can and will be abused. With an education and working, you have options if the man you marry is an abuser, philanderer etc...
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