Have you ever been sexually assaulted or falsely accused of sexual assault? (attorneys, crimes)
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I was raped when I was 17 tutoring my ex-boyfriend. I was a virgin, and I became pregnant as a result of the rape. Thankfully, I miscarried at 2 months.
I reported it to the police the next day, though I never told my parents. The police did not send me to get a rape kit and made me feel like a criminal. They hyperfocused on how I had willingly gone to his home (though I had no idea that his parents would not be there or that he would be on some kind of substance) and how we had dated. They insisted that I just regretted it and discouraged me from pressing forward because "he was a good kid."
My rapist went on to rape others. This was in 2005, not 1955. I told only two or three friends, and one of them went so far as to call my boyfriend and tell him she thought I was lying about the rape even though she had never met my rapist. I remember other incidents at my high school where the victim was routinely blamed and ostracised.
Prior to that, a teenage neighbor exposed himself to me at the bus stop when I was 11 or 12. He stood over me with his pants down and pushed his penis in my face, though I curled up and didn't see anything. Another teenager pulled him off of me, but there were 3 or 4 other boys there laughing. I didn't tell anyone, because I know another girl who he had done the same thing to and she was told "boys will be boys." S
What's most interesting about that situation is that I asked the boy who pulled the other boy off of me and some of the other boys at the bus stop if they remembered several years ago. He had no memory. That experience impacted so much of how I learned to navigate society as a woman and yet the men who were there and saw didn't even remember. It explains a lot to me about why men both don't believe that cases of sexual assault and harassment are so frequent and commonplace to women: they just don't see it and it doesn't bother them enough to reflect on it.
I'm sorry for your trauma. I have 5 young women in my life that I care deeply about and they are all very attractive young women. We've all warned them but that only goes so far.
That being said, I gave a guy a beat down when I was 15ish for being sexually aggressive (in the extreme). I grew up near the guy, he was always that way, creepy and aggressive. He eventually took the easy way out after an assault when police were looking for him....which I thought was a good thing since it prevented it happening again.
That being said, we need to make sure that we do not confuse cultural or personal bad action in an attempt to imprint that on someone else.
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I have a memory gap during something occurred to me in elementary school. I am pretty certain it was my 2nd or 3rd grade teacher.
The memory after the gap includes a lie that the teacher told me. The teacher gave me a new hotwheel car and claimed my father dropped it off at the school.
I got a flash back to this memory when a woman unexpectedly touched me. I never let a woman touch me.
Maybe if there was digging into my memory I could learn more but what's the point. The teacher is likely long dead at this point.
None of the above. But I was accused of reporting a man at work and getting him in trouble. He was a new salesman, popular with the ladies, and would hold court telling stories, etc. but he seemed like a braggart to me so I just avoided that scene. It was a big office so it was easy to do and I never saw or talked to him.
About 6 months later he transferred to another office and a girl asked me what he had done to make me report him. I had no idea what she was talking about but apparently someone had complained about something and he got in trouble for it and I was pegged as the snitch. It was the first I'd heard about any of it and i had to explain that it wasn't me since I hadn't had any interactions with him at all. We never did find out who said what but it didn't matter to me, nobody brought it up after that and he was totally forgotten. It's not the only time people have assumed I was a narc or there to spy on them on behalf of higher ups. I must give off some kind of vibe but the truth is I keep to myself and don't jump into office politics.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eumaois
So, this is a #MeToo thread of sorts?
Actually this, is how the #MeToo movement got hijacked. It began in a twitter feed as women of color who shared an experience and as this experience was being shared the hash tag followed, MeToo. What began for those that needed a shoulder so to speak, mushroomed onto a multiple platform. That is how I understood it to be as I looked it up and read the article(s) on it. The 'movement' was as unintentional, consequence, that proved a benefit as an outreach that gave victims a voice.
imo, this thread is 'of sorts' as the experiences being reported are all similar in content, there is a certain individuality to the MeToo that is being omitted.
According to the United States Department of Justice, sexual assault is “any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient.†Sexual assault is basically an umbrella term that includes sexual activities such as rape, fondling, and attempted rape.
Needless to say, state laws, tribal law and federal law can vary somewhat in the wording, but for the purpose of this thread, I think most would agree with the definition above.
Going by that definition, yes, I have. HOWEVER, I don't feel like I was sexually assaulted, so I never defined it that way, and it never would have occurred to me to report it. It's ludicrous to me that we can lump someone grabbing an ass in the same category as rape. I'm not saying unwanted touching is okay, but don't agree with using 'assault' in those cases.
I have been accused of causing myself to possibly get raped, just by being friends with boys. Apparently the other girls were ok to be friends with boys but not me. The boys were actual friends I had known forever and our parents were friends, etc. The old creep who told me I was going to get raped by them was the actual harasser, not the boys. I reported him to his supervisor and got crap for it but it seemed to be effective as he left me alone after that.
So when I hear women should lock them selves away to be safe from predators, I think of this creep who told me I could not have guy friends, or else I was going to be gang raped. Sick.
None of the above. But I was accused of reporting a man at work and getting him in trouble. He was a new salesman, popular with the ladies, and would hold court telling stories, etc. but he seemed like a braggart to me so I just avoided that scene. It was a big office so it was easy to do and I never saw or talked to him.
About 6 months later he transferred to another office and a girl asked me what he had done to make me report him. I had no idea what she was talking about but apparently someone had complained about something and he got in trouble for it and I was pegged as the snitch. It was the first I'd heard about any of it and i had to explain that it wasn't me since I hadn't had any interactions with him at all. We never did find out who said what but it didn't matter to me, nobody brought it up after that and he was totally forgotten. It's not the only time people have assumed I was a narc or there to spy on them on behalf of higher ups. I must give off some kind of vibe but the truth is I keep to myself and don't jump into office politics.
FYI- If "Bob" acts inappropriately to "Jane", it can create a hostile work environment to anybody. That being said, the claim could be brought by about anybody.
I don't know why I am surprised by this, but I can't help but be rather amazed at all the male right wingers who think sexual assault should be reported within 45 minutes of its occurrence, that those who wrongfully report sexual assault should serve jail time as long as any rapist (it's already against the law to commit perjury and/or defamation of character), that a sober woman who sleeps with a drunken man should be convicted of assault (I think such a woman deserves a medal - in case male drunks don't already know this, most sober women find you disgusting when you start staggering around and trying to paw at us). On and on it goes with each thread more ridiculous than the last.
It's to the point where I'm starting to wonder if some males here are in the habit of forcing themselves on unwilling women and are angry that you might one day be called to account. If so, I feel sorry for your wives and girlfriends if you are lucky enough to have them and if you don't have a wife/GF, it's for a damn good reason.
So, I am curious as to whether anyone here has been the victim of sexual assault or has been falsely accused of sexual assault. Did your friends believe you were innocent? Or did the cops believe you if you were the one assaulted? The following poll is completely private and discuss or not as you please.
Note: Let's all try to be at least semi-polite to one another.
I have never been accused of a crime such as this. I have also never, ever done anything to warrant such an accusation. I have also never been wrongly accused of a sexual assault. However, I have been wrongly accused by a female, and came very close to going to jail for it. Since I am not trying to be confirmed for the Supreme Court, I do not feel compelled to go into all the details here for you. But to sum it up, here we go.
Sober me, very drunk she, she often grew physically abusive while she was drinking. One night, she got out of control, so I call the cops. She rips the phone out of the wall, and then picks up a metal candle holder off of our coffee table and proceeds to bash herself in the head with it about 8 to 10 times before I could get over to her and try to pull it out of her hands. Cops arrive, see that we both look like we've been in an altercation, starts asking questions.
I tell the truth, that the girl hit me and hit herself, and that I did not hit her. Because I did not hit her. She at first would say nothing, and the cop immediately thinks I'm lying and that I have beaten this girl. Finally, just before this officer was going to arrest me, she comes clean, and admits that she injured herself. The officer backs off, calls in an ambulance to look her over. She ends up riding back to the hospital in the ambulance, because at this point she is having breathing trouble, because she has asthma and the stress and alcohol have sent her into a panic attack.
I am left at the house. I answer more questions for the officer, and then he leaves. It turns out, after he left, he went to the hospital where this girl was taken. He waits for her to be released, and even gives her a ride back to our place. And the whole ride back, the officer is pushing the girl to recant her statement, and implicate me as her attacker. Luckily, she had sobered up at this point, and knew what she had done, and so she did not lie to the officer. So in the end, we both ended up with "simple affray" tickets, which were thrown out in court.
However, the main idea I'm trying to get across to you folks here is had this girl not told the truth, and simply said I hit her, I would have gone to jail without a second thought from this officer, because everyone is trained to believe women when they make a claim against a man. Even when the women in my situation had said no, he didn't do it, over and over, the officer continued to push, because for some reason he just couldn't believe she could hurt herself the way she did. And that's just how easy it is for a man who has honestly done nothing to a woman can end up being blamed and punished for it. You may not believe it, but this sort of stuff actually happens, and it should at least give you a reason to pause and consider, could the men in some of these situations actually be telling the truth. Trust me, stranger things have happened.
Perhaps the officer had seen his fair share of dumb women recanting their story as they don’t want the jerk who hit her to go to jail. I volunteer at a woman’s shelter and I’ve seen this scenario play out a bunch of times. She keeps taking him back after he promises not to hit her.. wash, rinse, repeat. She’s either afraid of him, afraid of being alone, or has kids that need his support.
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