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Old 10-07-2008, 03:22 PM
 
13,783 posts, read 26,207,964 times
Reputation: 7445

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jtur88 View Post
Raising children has become a great deal more difficult and challenging that it used to be, and as a result, many many more children are being born to parents who are not competent to raise children.

When I was a kid in the '40s, my mother was always at home, and always knew (approximately) where I was. Child-rearing consisted of putting food on the table, sending me to bed at bedtime, telling me not to slam the screen door, telling me once not to put my hand on the stove, tolerantly answering questions that would baffle Einsteim, and being there when a mother or a cookie was needed. My world was considered safe. When dad rattled the car keys, all the kids jumped in like dogs and stood up the entire trip. I couldn't run far enough to reach the yard of someone who did not know my name and my moms phone number. Apparently, since then, hundreds of millions of people suddenly became child molestors, but there didn't seem to be any those days. Every kid that was in my kindergarten was still alive for the 25th high school reunion, so the death rate from child dangers must have been zero.

So why is it that raising children has become so much mroe difficult in the past half century, that few people can figure out how to do it nowadays?
I'm going to be the bad guy here and say it...it is harder because we are lazy. There is no sense of delayed gratification, putting others needs before our own, working hard for the desired result...there are so many short cuts in life, but not child rearing.

Many times a childs babysitter is the tv or computer. We (the universal "we") drag our kids to 5 different activities rather than getting to know our kids and spending quality time with them. The list goes on and on.
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Old 10-07-2008, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Coastal South Carolina
330 posts, read 1,194,213 times
Reputation: 141
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
Which portion might that be? 20%? 30%? Perhaps 40%?

What makes me take a pause when reading this thread is that it started as a thread about the pressures some face about having children but now it has evolved into a soap box rally trying to sell others on the ignorance of parents who have more than 2.4 children.

As I said before, it is no ones business if people do not want children but it is also no ones business if someone chooses to have a dozen. Many of you are doing exactly what the OP was complaining about...judging others for their choices.

I completely agree.

My husband and I decided to have a child when we felt we were emotionally and financially stable enough to handle the enormous responsibility parenting requires.

But we also decided years ago that it would be best for our daughter and our family as a whole not to have anymore children. We wanted to raise her the best to our abilities and made the choice to become a one income family and take the tremendous pay cut in doing so. And although it's a hard realization to make, we had to admit that having more children may have a negative effect on everyone involved, and not only financially.

Now even though we believe we are being responsible in our choice, we have been criticized tremendously for it over the years.

Here's a sample of the comments we've heard regarding our decision:

1. You will have a maladjusted child if they lack other siblings.
2. Only children grow up to be antisocial.
3. Who will your child have when you die? They will be all alone.
4. Do you really think one child should have the responsibility of taking care of you when you are older?
5. How can you be so selfish?
6. If you're only going to have one child you shouldn't have had children at all.

So it's not only childless couples who face this sort of judgment.
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Old 10-07-2008, 04:45 PM
 
Location: Chicago, IL
8,998 posts, read 14,752,352 times
Reputation: 3545
Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelEyez02403 View Post
I wish I could find a doc that would just tie my tubes...but at age 21, they refuse to do it because I may "change my mind and regret it". My family is already focused on me "giving them grandchildren" like it's their right when, I'm not even engaged. After seeing the "quality" parenting skills of my parents, I never want to bring a child into the world.
I can give you a link to a group that might be able to help you find a doctor.
Just message me.

I don't necessarily need sterilization but I considered it in the past when I was younger...and thought I was heterosexual. lol.

I don't see why doctors just don't make you sign something saying that you are aware the procedure is permanent, meaning you can never bear children, you're okay with that, and you'll never try to sue for the reversal of the surgery.
It's just crazy that at 21 you're mature enough or whatnot to have a kid but the minute you say you don't want kids, "oh you're too young."

::shakes head::
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Old 10-07-2008, 04:56 PM
 
Location: Chicago, IL
8,998 posts, read 14,752,352 times
Reputation: 3545
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
Which portion might that be? 20%? 30%? Perhaps 40%?

What makes me take a pause when reading this thread is that it started as a thread about the pressures some face about having children but now it has evolved into a soap box rally trying to sell others on the ignorance of parents who have more than 2.4 children.

As I said before, it is no ones business if people do not want children but it is also no ones business if someone chooses to have a dozen. Many of you are doing exactly what the OP was complaining about...judging others for their choices.
I consider it my business if people want to have large families because when does my right to clean air, clean water, etc begin and your right to reproduce begin?
The earth is being raped for its resources and we'd be wise to stop adding people for quite some time.
I try my best to live my life in the most sustainable way possible but I can't do it all. I'm only 18 and my resources are limited.

We need to reduce the population growth rate and we need to reduce our standard of living. Many people in third world countries want to live the same kind of lifestyle we live. America only comprise 5 percent of the world population but we use 25 percent of its resources.

It took all of recorded history until 1830 for world population to reach one billion; by 1930 we were at two billion; 1960-3 billion, 1975-4 billion, 1986-5 billion, and in 1999 we crossed the 6 billion mark. The world is adding about 78 million people a year. The United Nations Population Fund has estimated the population will grow by another 50 percent by the year 2050. The earth cannot handle that kind of growth.
I'm sorry for caring about the quality of life everyone on earth will face instead of your desire to produce a human being that shares DNA with you.
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Old 10-07-2008, 04:59 PM
 
Location: Pinal County, Arizona
25,100 posts, read 39,166,200 times
Reputation: 4937
Quote:
Originally Posted by LiveTodayLez08 View Post
I consider it my business if people want to have large families because when does my right to clean air, clean water, etc begin and your right to reproduce begin?
The earth is being raped for its resources and we'd be wise to stop adding people for quite some time.
I try my best to live my life in the most sustainable way possible but I can't do it all. I'm only 18 and my resources are limited.

We need to reduce the population growth rate and we need to reduce our standard of living. Many people in third world countries want to live the same kind of lifestyle we live. America only comprise 5 percent of the world population but we use 25 percent of its resources.

It took all of recorded history until 1830 for world population to reach one billion; by 1930 we were at two billion; 1960-3 billion, 1975-4 billion, 1986-5 billion, and in 1999 we crossed the 6 billion mark. The world is adding about 78 million people a year. The United Nations Population Fund has estimated the population will grow by another 50 percent by the year 2050. The earth cannot handle that kind of growth.
I'm sorry for caring about the quality of life everyone on earth will face instead of your desire to produce a human being that shares DNA with you.
Are you suggesting then that the government should imposed a mandatory limit on the number of children a person / couple can have?

Or, do you favor letting people die rather than using medical resources to save them?

It sure sounds that way?
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Old 10-07-2008, 05:03 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
5,224 posts, read 4,992,709 times
Reputation: 908
Quote:
Originally Posted by jtur88 View Post
. . . . which is exactly what I had said. My point was that uneducated people have a disporportionate share of the unplanned pregnancies.

Tristansmommy, of course, you are right when you say that some people should not be parents But it is equally true that some people should not have credic cards, or drive cars, or buy lottery tickets, or eat all they want at buffets, or wear two-piece bathing suits, or live near their mother-in-law. But do you want to live in a society in which any or all of the above are regulated, so that people need to satisfy some authoritatian criteria in order to do any of these things?

No.

I was in NO WAY saying that it needs to be regulated. I was merely supporting the OP's decision not to have children, along with anyone else who decides not to have children. I in NO WAY agree in any way shape or form with control how, when , why or if someone procreates!
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Old 10-07-2008, 05:08 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
5,224 posts, read 4,992,709 times
Reputation: 908
Quote:
Originally Posted by imperieux View Post
I completely agree.

My husband and I decided to have a child when we felt we were emotionally and financially stable enough to handle the enormous responsibility parenting requires.

But we also decided years ago that it would be best for our daughter and our family as a whole not to have anymore children. We wanted to raise her the best to our abilities and made the choice to become a one income family and take the tremendous pay cut in doing so. And although it's a hard realization to make, we had to admit that having more children may have a negative effect on everyone involved, and not only financially.

Now even though we believe we are being responsible in our choice, we have been criticized tremendously for it over the years.

Here's a sample of the comments we've heard regarding our decision:

1. You will have a maladjusted child if they lack other siblings.
2. Only children grow up to be antisocial.
3. Who will your child have when you die? They will be all alone.
4. Do you really think one child should have the responsibility of taking care of you when you are older?
5. How can you be so selfish?
6. If you're only going to have one child you shouldn't have had children at all.

So it's not only childless couples who face this sort of judgment.
Wow.. harsh judgement about having one child. I believe everyone has their own choice,

I made the choice that having , for me, one child was not the best thing to do.. for me or my child...

For one, I want my son to experience having a sibling growing up. I remember the fun things my brothers and I would do when we were kids and they are fond fond memories of my childhood. But.. there is NO guarantee that siblings will like each other.

I happen to also be from a very small family.. most of those on my fathers side have passed on and on my mothers side my cousin is already a grandma and my cousins kids are in college (I'm on my first only 2 years old). My husbands family is all in Europe and there aren't too many of them either. There is just him and his sister that are approx 10 years apart in age. So I am afraid that if I didn't give my son a sibling he would be left with no family when his parents age and eventually pass.

But these are all reasons I feel having more than one child is right for me. Unfortunately, due to some financial constraints, we haven't moved ahead with number 2 yet, but I'm getting antsy. I dont' want my kids to be too far apart and I have a feeling that they will be approx 4 or 5 years apart at the pace we are going.. plus my clock is a tic.kin hard for 1 more. I just feel that the family is not 100% complete yet
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Old 10-07-2008, 05:17 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
5,224 posts, read 4,992,709 times
Reputation: 908
Quote:
Originally Posted by chielgirl View Post
I wholeheartedly disagree with this statement, particularly the bolded part.
Many people succumb to parental and societal pressures; others, although a very small number, have babies to get the government benefits.

There may be a few that for political reasons decide to have children, but the majority of peope do not think "politics" or political correctness when having a child Your statement is assuming that people choose to have children simply because they want to conform? That's just absurd!!!

People choose to have children for many reasons. It is our instinct to procreate to keep the human race going. And it's fine if those that choose not to have children choose to do so. I don't criticize their choice! Don't assume my wanting children has anythhing to do with politics or "conforming". I had a child because I felt the desire and there was a soul that needed and wanted to be born and needed to be born to me and my husband becaues that was his life path and ours.



Then why is there so much child abuse, neglect and/or murder?
First, child abuse has existed since the beginning of time. It is nothing new.. so has a lot of other things that go on in our society. The difference today is that you hear about it, see it etc through the media. There tends to be larger numbers among a large population.

That being said, it's awful. I already acknowledged that those that abuse their children should never have become parents in the first place. I can't imagine how someone could hurt a child!

From a spritul pont of view, I believe that there are no accidents and things are for each person , the way they are for a reason.

You don't want to be criticized for Not having children, but then don't criticize those of us that choose to have children.
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Old 10-07-2008, 05:26 PM
 
Location: GIlbert, AZ
3,032 posts, read 5,247,521 times
Reputation: 2105
[quote=LiveTodayLez08;5556571]One of my biggest gripes is the child tax credit. I would prefer it be capped at two children.
I don't think day care should be subsidized by the government.
Women who are on welfare should be penalized should they have more kids once they are enrolled in the program.
Birth control, IUDs, condoms, etc should be made more accessible to women.

Birth control and abortions are not subsidized by federal funds-and not covered by many private medical plans either- but poor women can have their prenatal care and delivery taken care of. Whether or not these women are equipped to care for and pay for their unborn child seems to be irrelevant.[/quote]
If daycare was not subsidized to help the poor families out, then many more would be on welfare. Daycare can be $25-30 a day, which can really add up when you factor in 5 days at part time and transportation.

My birth control WAS covered by my insurance. Maybe you should change carriers??
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Old 10-07-2008, 05:31 PM
 
Location: GIlbert, AZ
3,032 posts, read 5,247,521 times
Reputation: 2105
Sometimes the multiple child "syndrome" is religious based. I know some of the religions out there heavily stress having lots of kids (to spread the religion probably). My Mormon friends are greatly encouraged to do so--irregardless of financial conciderations.
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