should i move to portland oregon? (fit in, home, high school)

[brianna10]

ok so im only turning 16 and in 11th grade, but in like 2 years(soon after i graduate) my older sister is planning on moving all the way across the country, and she said i could come live with her. and i really want to, i dont know why but something is just pulling me towards going. the only problem is that she is gay, something that my family is completely against. my mom and brother have completely disowned her and want nothing to do with her, i would loveee to go and i want to very much, but im scared that if i go my family will disown me too and wont want anything to do with me. i already know that theres going to be a huggge fight when i tell them what i plan on doing. i also feel like i would be leaving everything behind, ive grown up in this town and love it here, only i feel like theres more to the world than just my town and i want to experience more, i want to go and see new things and meet new people and start a new chapter in my life, i dont want to stay stuck in this town forever, i want more than this. i keep telling myself that i have to do what makes me happy and that im living this life for me, not for them,but its not working. and i know that the moving is a long way off, but i still cant help thinking about it and what im gonna do. i really do want to go and i feel like portland would be worth it. from what ive heard anyways, it seems like a really amazing place, but i just need someone to give me their opinion: would moving to portland be worth it? should i go? would it be worth all the crap my family will put me through?

[philwithbeard]

1st - finish growing up, like actually reaching 18 and graduate from High School.

2nd - Go to college. Choose a school you and your family can afford, but live away from home. Even if it just one year. It is the education of being on your own, making friends, and so forth that is the big deal with being a freshman at college.

Then make your decision about choosing between your sister and the rest of your family. This is too big a decision right now in your life.

[hummingbird3]

I agree with Phil. In the meantime, also learn how to set boundaries on your family. Do it now instead of waiting until you're 18, or 20, 30, or even 40 or 50. It only gets worse. Start now researching it and putting it into practice. Learning how to communicate effectively while setting healthy boundaries will serve you well in this crazy messed up world we now live in. I don't envy youth. When I was 16-25, the world was a much saner, safer place. If you do what Phil says, and learn to set healthy boundaries, it will serve you well as a young adult and beyond.

Portland can be wonderful, but also confusing. You didn't say anything about interests. There is a wonderful environmental, outdoors oriented community here. Despite the weather, people are very active physically and environmentally. There are so many things to do and positive groups to get involved with. There's also a negative element that could prove alluring if you haven't resolved your family conflicts, and that would be a dubious and sad road to take. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, just use it and keep learning and growing. You don't sound like the small town/rigid mind type and you should continue to realize that you will never be able to fit in to that mode, nor please your family in the way they want. (With a lot families, nothing you do or say is ever good enough no matter what you do.)

[aroseinrain]

When my sister was 18 she left home and moved to Europe with $60 in her pocket and a bag of clothes. She, like you, wanted to experience life and meet new people and have real adventures. She lived there for several years, moving all over Europe and having adventures.

I can tell you in all honesty that some of the adventures were not safe or sane or fun at all and many of the new people she met did not have good intentions. I can also tell you that whatever she learned during those years did not translate to her having a successful life and fulfilling her dreams.

I'm not saying that leaving home is a bad idea, I'm just saying that sometimes people think that they want adventure when what they really want is to accomplish something for themselves or to earn a sense of independence -- you can do that anywhere, but college is a good place to start.

Living with your parents or living on your own or with your sister, just be sure the adventure includes a college education and you'll be fine. Who knows, by the time you're 18 you may have changed your mind anyway.

[busbyjoe]

hey Brianna10,

First of all, hang in there. It can be really hard being 16. I don't think I would want to do it again but if I could here are a few things I wish someone had told me.

1 See the things you love about where you are. It's a natural and easy tendency to see what you don't love.

2 See the things you LOVE about yourself and develop those things. Find out who you really want to be and listen to yourself.

3 Give yourself time to grow up and learn who YOU are. It really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says about you. At the end of the day you can be happy anywhere if you are happy with who you know yourself to be and if you are honoring that insight.

4 See the people in your life that love you and know you

5 Be true to yourself and it will all work out

6 Life doesn't happen TO you, it happens FOR you (to learn and grow from)