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Old 07-26-2012, 05:57 PM
 
986 posts, read 2,501,573 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by classicanne View Post
I agree with everyone who said one of the best ways to make friends in PDX is through common interest/affinity groups. I've lived here for just over 2 years now, and for me, the friendliness in the area is just at the right level. I lived most of my adult life in the south, and the just-because-we're-neighbors-lets-be-really-close-friends-and-I'll-come-over-just-anytime-uninvited mentality we frequently encountered was wearing, to say the least. It was a great relief to come here where people are unintrusive and truly live-and-let-live. When I got ready to make friends, I joined music and writing groups that interested me, and got to know people through those shared activities, and it's all worked out well.
Good point; that the random proximity of neighbors shouldn't determine who you hang out with if you don't like them as people. I hate being put in that bind. The worst are the ones who like to have loud parties, and assume that simply inviting you gives them license to make noise for hours, whether or not you show up.

 
Old 07-26-2012, 06:20 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,695 posts, read 28,379,702 times
Reputation: 35862
Quote:
Originally Posted by ca_north View Post
Good point; that the random proximity of neighbors shouldn't determine who you hang out with if you don't like them as people. I hate being put in that bind. The worst are the ones who like to have loud parties, and assume that simply inviting you gives them license to make noise for hours, whether or not you show up.
That reminds me of a neighbor of mine who moved in a few years ago. She had a party the first weekend she move in. She offered some drinks to a couple of us who were sitting out on the lawn on a nice warm summer's day saying she was including us in on drinks to show she was a friendly neighbor and intended to show us that with her offer. The thing was, neither the other neighbor nor I drank. But her intentions were well meant. I think it just proved that what one person believes is a show of neighborliness isn't necessarily another's idea of the same thing.

So we thanked her, welcomed her to the building and that was that. She kept the noise level down and eventually was accepted just by being a nice neighbor by being courteous and polite. She didn't have to invite anyone to parties or drinks.

When you live that close to someone, good manners and respect for other people's space is the most important thing. If over time you discover you have other things in common, maybe you have found you have made a friend but you can't push it just because your doors are just a couple feet away from each other. It's just the opposite; the close proximity will make people feel more territorial towards newcomers.
 
Old 07-26-2012, 10:05 PM
 
Location: PNW
358 posts, read 469,886 times
Reputation: 346
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post

When you live that close to someone, good manners and respect for other people's space is the most important thing. If over time you discover you have other things in common, maybe you have found you have made a friend but you can't push it just because your doors are just a couple feet away from each other. It's just the opposite; the close proximity will make people feel more territorial towards newcomers.
^This 100%
 
Old 07-29-2012, 10:43 PM
 
182 posts, read 322,794 times
Reputation: 167
Just got back from a trip to Portland and hated it. City? Awesome. The Rose Garden. The River. The clean new buildings. On and on. But other than the young people (who were great) the overall mindset was so damn uptight. It's friendly but almost to the point of being disengenuous at times, as in overly polite, if that makes any sense. But you try to make a joke or two or extend the conversation to a more genuine level and the people look so uncomfortable. And use a cell phone in public there? Forget about it.

It's got to be tough living in that type of environment day after day, where people are so gaurded. The 24-Hour Fitness gym was like a library. I mean, it's the freaking gym! If you aren't feeling good, why go? People at my gym interact, hell, even crack a smile now and again. When I mentioned that to a guy at the gym, he said "This isn't the place you go to talk. It's about work in here". LOL right. Tell that to the hundreds of NFL players who talk it up in the middle of their workouts, even compete with one another in the weightroom.

Northwest = cold fish.
 
Old 07-29-2012, 10:53 PM
 
182 posts, read 322,794 times
Reputation: 167
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beenhere4ever View Post
Wait a minute. Did I invite them out to dinner? Where did that come from? Is the OP expecting to meet someone and fill a calendar? "Getting to know your neighbors" is getting to know them, not plunging into a personal relationship with no ceremony. You need time to feel out how much you have in common. You don't just totally drop your guard after a couple of words. That sounds like desperation to me. I wouldnt be surprised that people would be hesitant if they thought that was required. But it isn't. I don't have deep heart to heart conversations with my nearest neighbors. Mostly it is humorous give and take. We did get to a point where we stored extra house keys at one house. But it wasn't the day after they moved in. You take some time and you get a sense of whether you want to extend a great deal of trust to someone. That's really part of a normal life. In fact, if someone seems to be rushing me, I back off. I think they might have an agenda. I don't think that makes me "unfriendly", I think it makes me a sensible person.
And yet she said that was normal where she's from, which substantiates that it does happen. I know tons about my neighbors, never even really extended myself, and was invited to several events at each ones unit, after our 2nd meeting. Tell me, were my neighbors they "desperate" too? Yes, it does happen, and I never find it "weird" when someone shares any part of their life with me.

The fact that you'd even quantify human interaction as "desperation" shows that there is some formula or ritualistic pattern of behavior one must adopt to make a "friend" there. In dating that's fine. It's a dance and a guessing game, and for that reason it can also suck. But who the hell wants to go through that same quantitative analysis just trying to have a conversation with someone on their own block?
 
Old 07-29-2012, 11:00 PM
 
Location: PNW
358 posts, read 469,886 times
Reputation: 346
People have different definitions of the word "friend."
 
Old 07-29-2012, 11:28 PM
 
Location: Portland, OR
1,012 posts, read 1,540,168 times
Reputation: 523
New to SD:

It is more reserved. I could have told you that.

I moved here almost a year ago and although I do not relate to this aspect of the culture, there are so many great things about Portland. It probably just takes a lot longer to forge connections here than in other places.
 
Old 07-30-2012, 09:29 AM
 
182 posts, read 322,794 times
Reputation: 167
Quote:
Originally Posted by turquoise1 View Post
New to SD:

It is more reserved. I could have told you that.

I moved here almost a year ago and although I do not relate to this aspect of the culture, there are so many great things about Portland. It probably just takes a lot longer to forge connections here than in other places.
Yeah I'm not here to bash on Portland, but some of the reactions I got there just talking on my cell phone or making small talk with other people really irritated me. That's not reserved to me, it's the opposite. That's being uptight. My solution is to not stop through and spend money in their city on my next trip to the Northwest. The worst thing in the world is when someone visits a city, experiences something like that, and moves there anyway.
 
Old 07-30-2012, 01:21 PM
 
7,934 posts, read 8,569,155 times
Reputation: 5889
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewtoSD? View Post
Yeah I'm not here to bash on Portland, but some of the reactions I got there just talking on my cell phone or making small talk with other people really irritated me. That's not reserved to me, it's the opposite. That's being uptight. My solution is to not stop through and spend money in their city on my next trip to the Northwest. The worst thing in the world is when someone visits a city, experiences something like that, and moves there anyway.
People do have a PC-fetish around here...throw a plastic bottle in the trash (I'm sorry, "compost") and watch the fur fly. I guess nowadays having extended conversations on your phone out in public is considered faux pas in certain circumstances. But yeah, I get annoyed too when I go out of my way to be friendly to strangers only to have them give me attitude or act like I'm the weird one. In some ways you have to have thick skin to endure the general social style around here.
 
Old 07-30-2012, 01:32 PM
 
Location: Pacific NW
6,413 posts, read 12,115,391 times
Reputation: 5860
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewtoSD? View Post
Yeah I'm not here to bash on Portland, but some of the reactions I got there just talking on my cell phone or making small talk with other people really irritated me. That's not reserved to me, it's the opposite. That's being uptight. My solution is to not stop through and spend money in their city on my next trip to the Northwest. The worst thing in the world is when someone visits a city, experiences something like that, and moves there anyway.
You're not? What was the purpose of the post, then?

Sorry that Portlanders were too friendly for you, and you interpreted it as insincerity.

You want to have a private conversation on your cell phone, in public? I don't want to hear it. That's why it's called private. I really don't want to know your business. The one gym you went to wasn't rah-rah enough for you? Try another one. It's not the only one in town.

People really shouldn't make judgements about where they want to live on one superficial visit to a place. Pro or con.
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