Why All Portland Wildlife Should Be In The Zoo (Halfway: house, neighborhood)

[Priscilla Martin]

I saw a news report yesterday about a wild mountain beaver that moved into the Oregon Zoo otter exhibit. Beaver breaks into Oregon Zoo's otter exhibit | kgw.com Portland He looks like an adorable little guy. But, after reading more about his ilk I like him less and less. He was relocated to Forest Park. Bad idea. I think all the wildlife in Portland should be in the zoo. Here’s why.

Hubby, soon after he retired, needed another hobby. My honey do list didn't pique his interest. He decided to feed the neighborhood squirrels. I have to confess, in the beginning I joined in, thinking those bushy tailed little creatures sooo endearing. Soon hubby was off to the hardware store. He came home with some 2’X4’s, 4’X8’ garden lattice, and plywood. He designed and built what’s best called a squirrel jungle gym which he attached to the house right outside the 3’X8’ picture window I had installed forty years ago to give me an unencumbered view of my backyard from the kitchen. The squirrels love it. For ten years they have been climbing up and sitting on the plywood waiting for, what else, food.

Hubby used to help feed them walnuts and peanuts from the window. Now it’s just me. Hubby buys 50 lb. bags of nuts at a bird shop. The employees load the nuts in the trunk. Hubby and I wrestle them out. The squirrels used to climb and sit patiently for their handout. Today, they rudely bang on the glass for service. They have ruined the window screens and several replacements. I have to open, feed, then close the window lightning fast to avoid them coming inside, which has happened twice. More than once they have nearly taken a finger. If I go outside without nuts for them they attack. The PP&L meter reader rang the doorbell one day. He informed me he would no longer read my electric meter because of them. They connected some sort of adapter so he can read it with binoculars. One day, hubby decided the kitchen window took too much effort. He bought more lattice, etc., and attached it outside the bedroom window. Now, he watches television and feeds the squirrels from the comfort of his recliner chair.

One day I rushed out the back door late for something. Hubby had pulled the car around and was waiting. I ran out, forgetting nuts. Halfway between the house and the car a squirrel popped out from the hedge. I was trapped. Sensing my fear the little bugger climbed up my panty hose, shredding them. I screamed and swatted at it with one of my high heels. He jumped off before disappearing under my skirt, and then ran off just out of kicking range. Stopping he turned around giving me an indignant look. Coming up the walk tapping his wristwatch hubby said “What’s the hold up; we’re going to be late.”

Last Christmas one of my kids gave us a wooden sign that reads Welcome To The Nuthouse. I’d seen those tacky things at the bird shop. Hubby loved it. No sooner had everyone left than he found his long lost hammer. Passing at least three things on my honey do list he needed that hammer to fix, he went outside and proudly pounded the sign into the front yard for world viewing. I see it every time I’m outside sweeping the patio and walkways that are constantly covered with shells. Ever get a sharp walnut shell between a flip flop and the bottom of your foot?

One of these days I’m going to lose it and say, “It’s me or the squirrels.” But, I’m afraid after 50 years of marriage he’ll choose them. Now, I know why they have zoos. That's where all Portland's wildlife should be.

[crisw]

Can I have your address?

I have a bunch of squirrels who could use a one-way trip to your place. They ate every ripe tomato in my garden this year- every single one! I had to pick all the remaining tomatoes, unripe, so we can get some. I now have 15 gallons of tomatoes ripening in my home

[oregonwoodsmoke]

Good story, OP, but no sympathy. You've trained the squirrels to behave badly and I can't see where that has anything to do with any other wildlife anywhere.

If you are tired of the squirrels, start feeding stray cats. Your squirrel problem will be solved and replaced by a cat pee problem.

Your husband likes the squirrels and you don't. So why are you feeding them? Let your husband do all the feeding and care of the squirrels and repair all the damage. There is no reason for you to do the work for his hobby.

Get yourself a couple of spray bottles. Fill them with water and 1 Tablespoon of white vinegar. Set them on "stream" and shoot water on any squirrel that approaches you. They will learn to stay back if you spray them and stop presenting food for them.

I'm going to take a guess here. Your neighbors all resent your squirrel feeding program that has brought lots of squirrels into your neighborhood and taught all the new squirrels to behave in an obnoxious and dangerous way.

[kyled]

This is why you're not supposed to feed wild animals. Don't blame them for you and your husbands mistake. Leave them be and they usually treat you equally.

Oddly, a good political message as well.

[Metlakatla]

Yes; I agree that Priscilla is a good writer, and I'm glad that she's chosen to share this with us here. I'd never dream of telling her that it doesn't belong in the forums and then trying to squirm out of it.

Glad to hear it, Sayulita. I think that the forum is better off without posters making vulgar bathroom references and that sort of silly thing.

Anyway, about all wildlife belonging in the zoo, I certainly don't agree, but I think the author of the post may have been being facetious about that.

As far as the squirrels, I agree with the poster who said that you need to stop feeding them. I'm not sure, but maybe animal control can help you relocate some with live traps. Maybe that isn't the best solution, but the longer you keep doing this, the worse it's going to get. These squirrels are attacking people, and if you live in close proximity to other homes, it really isn't fair to those who live there to harbor these things. Also, I think that some squirrels have been found to be infected with rabies.

*edited to say that rabies is apparently not a problem in squirrels after all*

Understanding Rabies : The Humane Society of the United States

[Larry Caldwell]

Nice private zoo, but it doesn't sound like she's interested in it any more. All she has to do is quit feeding the squirrels and they will leave.

[AKStafford]

Wow... This was the funnest thing I read all day...

Maybe this link will help: Mossberg & Sons | 500 Special Purpose

[gypsydoc]

OK... so I've read lots of info that say that squirrels will eat your strawberries, tomatoes, etc. In order to prevent that before it started, I've turned into the crazy lady in the pink bathrobe (or blue) depending on the season, who runs out of the back door with a broom and making loud noises to chase them away. So far, they haven't discovered that those things are edible in my garden. They can jump a couple of feet in the air as I brazenly defend my territory. I love nature... I really do.. just don't want the squirrels eating my produce.

Great story, by the way, Priscilla