Portland and Oregon in General?

[Tulippsy]

Well, you absolutely must visit again before you "jump in with both feet", as you say. I just reread your original post and I'm not sure exactly what you are asking. If there are chill people in Portland? (yes) Will there be thousands applying for the same jobs as you? (yes) Is the cost of living high compared to a small town in Texas? (yes) Will you make friends easily? (probably not).

You say you've been to 40-50 countries. That's a lot. I was a flight attendant for 28 years and worked on a cruise ship for a year before that and I've been to 53, so that's a lot of traveling and exposure to different cultures. How many states have you visited? What is it about Portland that has captured your attention? And why, if you knew you were unhappy in your little town, did you not spend some of your year on vacation exploring those places you could potentially move to?

I personally think based on your posts that Portland might not be the best fit. Why not Austin? It's basically Portland with cowboy boots.

[Minervah]

Originally Posted by Tulippsy

Well, you absolutely must visit again before you "jump in with both feet", as you say. I just reread your original post and I'm not sure exactly what you are asking. If there are chill people in Portland? (yes) Will there be thousands applying for the same jobs as you? (yes) Is the cost of living high compared to a small town in Texas? (yes) Will you make friends easily? (probably not).

You say you've been to 40-50 countries. That's a lot. I was a flight attendant for 28 years and worked on a cruise ship for a year before that and I've been to 53, so that's a lot of traveling and exposure to different cultures. How many states have you visited? What is it about Portland that has captured your attention? And why, if you knew you were unhappy in your little town, did you not spend some of your year on vacation exploring those places you could potentially move to?

I personally think based on your posts that Portland might not be the best fit. Why not Austin? It's basically Portland with cowboy boots.

I get the same impression.

[patrick_m]

Originally Posted by alamo5000

. . . I run the risk of sounding kind of anti establishment hippie here but something about the US makes having an actual life a lot more difficult. . . . .

As one who lived outside the U.S. for two decades and still spends three+ months per year in Asia what I learned is that the U.S. is more materialistic and concerned with status than most cultures and that translates into social isolation and stress. It was a liberating experience when I first experienced cultures where every social interaction didn't have overtones of competition and pecking order status. It makes it much easier and simpler to get close to people and stay close. Consequently I have many good, life-long friends in Asia who make a real effort to stay close without all the fears and anxieties those in more status conscious societies have about maintaining friendships.

One of the charms of Oregon though, in my estimation, is that it's one of the least materialistic and status conscious places in America. That's what's made it a relatively easy transition for my wife and son, neither of whom had lived in the U.S. before. On the negative side though even Oregon has a bit of the barricade mentality of West Coast culture which makes it difficult for newcomers to make friends. That's the price though of living in a "destination" part of the country that unique people of every stripe, both good and bad, are drawn to.

Bottom line then is, in my view, if you're a middle income "internationalist" who is more comfortable in European or Asian cultures it doesn't get any better than Oregon. I'd still rather be in Japan or Viet Nam though.

[SWCM7950]

Originally Posted by patrick_m

As one who lived outside the U.S. for two decades and still spends three+ months per year in Asia what I learned is that the U.S. is more materialistic and concerned with status than most cultures and that translates into social isolation and stress. It was a liberating experience when I first experienced cultures where every social interaction didn't have overtones of competition and pecking order status. It makes it much easier and simpler to get close to people and stay close. Consequently I have many good, life-long friends in Asia who make a real effort to stay close without all the fears and anxieties those in more status conscious societies have about maintaining friendships.

One of the charms of Oregon though, in my estimation, is that it's one of the least materialistic and status conscious places in America. That's what's made it a relatively easy transition for my wife and son, neither of whom had lived in the U.S. before. On the negative side though even Oregon has a bit of the barricade mentality of West Coast culture which makes it difficult for newcomers to make friends. That's the price though of living in a "destination" part of the country that unique people of every stripe, both good and bad, are drawn to.

Bottom line then is, in my view, if you're a middle income "internationalist" who is more comfortable in European or Asian cultures it doesn't get any better than Oregon. I'd still rather be in Japan or Viet Nam though.

Please........Asians are just as status obsessed and materialistic as anyone. Maybe it's not the country but the people you associate with in those countries. Sounds like you've barely spent any time in the middle of the US where people tend to be exactly what you're talking about........less materialistic and status conscious. Asian cultures love their Gucci, BMWs, Iphones etc. as much as ANYONE! In fact having lived in CA for 8 years I can tell you the Asians that live there are some of the most image conscious, materialistic, status obsessed people I've ever met. I could say the same thing about Persians as well. Maybe it's because the wealthier tend to flock here to the US.

[jaminhealth]

I didn't read everything, but what came thru to me, so many options and so much complications with all the options. Many with very little options, find contentment where they are.

[patrick_m]

Originally Posted by SWCM7950

Please........Asians are just as status obsessed and materialistic as anyone. Maybe it's not the country but the people you associate with in those countries. Sounds like you've barely spent any time in the middle of the US where people tend to be exactly what you're talking about........less materialistic and status conscious. Asian cultures love their Gucci, BMWs, Iphones etc. as much as ANYONE! In fact having lived in CA for 8 years I can tell you the Asians that live there are some of the most image conscious, materialistic, status obsessed people I've ever met. I could say the same thing about Persians as well. Maybe it's because the wealthier tend to flock here to the US.

Indeed. It still amazes my in-laws at how thoroughly my U.S. educated sister-in-law became Americanized. Now she's obsessed with getting her green card and living in the U.S. and looks down on all things Chinese.

I spent time in middle America growing up as my father worked for the government and was transferred every few years for a while. Keeping up with Joneses is a thriving industry in the rural Midwest and South. Not so much in rural Japan, Viet-Nam or Taiwan in my experience.

[SWCM7950]

Originally Posted by patrick_m

Indeed. It still amazes my in-laws at how thoroughly my U.S. educated sister-in-law became Americanized. Now she's obsessed with getting her green card and living in the U.S. and looks down on all things Chinese.

I spent time in middle America growing up as my father worked for the government and was transferred every few years for a while. Keeping up with Joneses is a thriving industry in the rural Midwest and South. Not so much in rural Japan, Viet-Nam or Taiwan in my experience.

Duh, of course not! People in the Midwest in America still want to work hard and enjoy a nice life and certain level of prosperity but there are many more modest, conservative, and normal Americans in the Midwest than many coastal areas IMO! Rural Viet Nam and Tiawan? Gimme a break! You're comparing apples to oranges. What's next? You're going to compare the poor blacks in Africa who still shower in cow urine and live in mud huts to American blacks who have Iphones and Section 8 housing? Your experience is very biased. Look at the recent President elect in the Philippines who is telling the public to kill drug dealers. LOL........yeah I'd much rather have people who are a little materialistic than crazy and don't understand the rule of law. Sorry, I get so sick of hearing how smart, healthy, frugal, yadda yadda Asians and Asian societies are. It gets old and most of it is peddled nonsense.

[FSF]

Very interesting thread. Playing armchair psychiatrist for a moment here, I would say that your main problem, as with most all human beings, is that you are very bored. Life isn't too short, it is WAY too long. That's why people spend time filling up their days with the silliest and most meaningless activities. People collect beanie babies, baseball cards, etc. or watch mindless TV all day long to fill up their days. For most people, the only thing that really keeps them engaged in this thing we call life is that they have children which they are forced to raise, which takes up significant amounts of time and "purpose". More than anything, it becomes a decades long diversion.

The truth is, what you seek does not exist in Portland or anywhere else, including internationally. I may be wrong but my guess is that if you lived in one of these other countries where you've made quick friends, you eventually would find yourself in the same rut that you are currently in. Otherwise, the easy answer would be to move yourself there asap. But that won't solve the root of your problem IMO.

Your main issue seems to be a lack of purpose. Also, you don't seem to have any real goals, at least that I can discern. General wishes of becoming wealthy or finding "fun" friends at the age of 40 is not really a goal nor really all that realistic. Besides spending time with people is really just another way of passing time and that's really the only purpose it really serves. I've seen first hand, my entire life, all too many people who spend time with others (even their spouses), where it's obvious they don't even like them but its just another way to mitigate the ennui of life. They'd rather be miserable that bored and/or alone.

My suggestion would be the following:

1) Analyze exactly what it is that you are looking for. Is it a soulmate (doesn't REALLY exist IMO)? Is it just a girlfriend/wife to be with? Is it to have a child? Is it to become rich?

2) Once you figured out exactly the root of the issue, plan a path for yourself that will ultimately garner that goal for yourself. Even if you don't ultimately get it, the journey itself may keep you engaged and occupied enough to be content with life.

Don't go expecting something grand or even to find "happiness", as that's just a delusion of the masses. Whatever you do, I wish you the very best in your journey.