Welcome to City-Data.com forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with 700,000 other registered members. User profiles and some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your free account you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 15,000 posts/day about local topics and you will see fewer ads.
I grew up in the PNW but have lived in CA for awhile by now. People always like to say how down to earth Washingtonians and Oregonians are, but I found it far easier to make and keep friends in Southern California - by and large people are much more free and open to all sorts of things and ideas. JMO, of course. We're moving back, and it's the one thing that worries me.
Yea I suppose I can picture Cali being better when it comes to making friends because outside of all that SoCal crap with Hollywood stars and people who just wanna flex their muscles and be totally blonde, there does seem to be cool people out there to make friends with that are real open to new things.
Like many are rude on the surface there but break the barrier and its fine kinda thing mixed with just some generally laid back ppl.
I stopped reading that article about 3/4 of the way through. IMO it is guilty of the very thing it blames that newspaper columnist of doing: putting out the impression that Seattle is a place to avoid to keep newcomers away. Likewise, I read of a Portland freeze in this very forum when I started researching Portland. I have not found this to be the case. I don't want or need to be invited home by total strangers I meet at random. I take a book on long airline flights and don't expect to be entertained by seatmates. It also cannot only be "natives" who are 'standoffish' since so much of the pouplation of both cities is made up of transplants. The law of averages makes it a certainty that at least some of those polite but distant folks were natives of hotbeds of social interaction like New York City (really?) or Chicago, IL. Maybe Seattle and/or Portland are 'cold' places, its not for me to say, but I can ask: why is that such a bad thing? Why does Seattle or PDX need to apologize for being polite? Do Bostonians apologize for their legendary rudeness? Do residents of Maine apologize for their legendary standoffishness? Do New Yorkers apologize for their legendary bluster? The defense rests.
H
Excellent post! I'm in MN and we get the same thing from newcomers: "You people are nice on the outside but aren't real friendly and don't invite people to your homes," they say. Many newcomers (not all, and maybe not even the majority of them) call us out for being "fake". We're not "genuine", they consider us bad people and say stuff like, "A Minnesotan will give you directions to the store but they won't give you directions to their house." What's with all this, why can't they invite me to their house nonsense that people are so obsessed about? Do they really think my house has anything special other than a T.V., a computer, some furniture, a bunch of other junk you can find in just about any house across the country? It never occurred to me that hanging out at someone's house was a big deal until I heard these newcomers saying it. It probably never occurs to most Minnesotans. I thought people mainly did that in high school and college. I didn't know that grown adults act like they do on Friends or Seinfeld or some other NBC sitcom and just talk. I've always found the issue of hanging around at someone's house and doing nothing in particular to be boring, even when I was a teenager. What's the big about this? Sorry. Just had to get that off my chest.
And Leisurestorm, when you talk about the law of averages saying most of the time these standoffish people are transplants (or something like that) you hit the nail on the head--dead center. I've met transplants from all over this country and other parts of the world and, just recently, when I've started thinking about it, I've found out many of them were standoffish themselves. Truth.
I've also met some nice newcomers and felt kind of surprised by their openness and insistence to start a relationship right off the bat. I agree with you. I like to give my relationships time and I'm not that forward. Many times these people only wanted to be my friend in order to get something from me; like the last guy who only wanted to be my friend because he needed a buddy to help him score chicks at a bar up the street; or the guy before him who only wanted to be my friend because he wanted me to tutor him in his homework. He was doing badly, I was doing good in class. Before he found out I was doing well he never once said hello, or paid any attention to me. When he found out how well I was doing he tried to be my best friend and act as if I was the coolest guy in the world and he wanted to invite him everywhere. Unfortunately for him I didn't have time to tutor him, even if I wanted to, and he didn't want to hang out if it didn't involve me tutoring him. So I guess that was that.
I guess people in places like Minneapolis, Portland, and Seattle are reserved and quiet, maybe due to weather. But we're not hate-filled people who like to go around spewing garbage. We're just slow to bring people in, and we show it in different ways. For example, one of my best friends in the world is a guy whose name I've forgotten. I've known him since I was 16 and I'm now 23. I've never once been to his house, nor have I ever invited him over, I don't know anything about his family (are his parents divorced, still alive?, etc.), I don't know where he lives or how he makes money, and I've never hung out with him at the bar, nor have I ever gotten his number. And all these things he could say about me. We only meet on occasion, when we're walking down the street in Minneapolis, and then we make small talk and laugh with each other, after about 15 minutes we may not see each other for weeks. But, despite knowing little about him, I consider him a good friend, and I'd jump in a cold lake to save him from drowning, even though I'm a crappy swimmer. That's just the way our relationship is; I'm practically best friends with a total stranger, and I like it that way.
I'm sorry to be so long-winded but I wanted to get that off my chest. You're definitely right, people in Boston, NYC, and Chicago get a pass for being openly rude and it is considered "genuine" while polite places like Seattle, Portland, and Minneapolis get slammed for being "fake". So these people like rudeness rather than polite behavior. These people must be masochists.
Excellent post! I'm in MN and we get the same thing from newcomers: "You people are nice on the outside but aren't real friendly and don't invite people to your homes," they say. Many newcomers (not all, and maybe not even the majority of them) call us out for being "fake". We're not "genuine", they consider us bad people and say stuff like, "A Minnesotan will give you directions to the store but they won't give you directions to their house." What's with all this, why can't they invite me to their house nonsense that people are so obsessed about? Do they really think my house has anything special other than a T.V., a computer, some furniture, a bunch of other junk you can find in just about any house across the country? It never occurred to me that hanging out at someone's house was a big deal until I heard these newcomers saying it. It probably never occurs to most Minnesotans. I thought people mainly did that in high school and college. I didn't know that grown adults act like they do on Friends or Seinfeld or some other NBC sitcom and just talk. I've always found the issue of hanging around at someone's house and doing nothing in particular to be boring, even when I was a teenager. What's the big about this? Sorry. Just had to get that off my chest.
I have a small circle of friends that I don't see that often because, well. . . I'm a loner, and more anti-social than they are. I don't need to see my friends often. But we very seldom meet at someone's house, and when we do it's at the same person's, at her invitation.
I'm friendly enough, but I don't like people in my house. Ever. Even to have some family over during the holidays is a feat of strength for me. Nor do I socialize with co-workers. I have friends there that I lunch with but it ends there. As I see it, I'm around them all for 40 hours a week, so I don't want to spend time with them after hours, too. I hate parties, avoid them like the plague.
I've never particularly noticed Portlanders to be slow to warm up to but perhaps I never paid attention to that. I don't know why anyone should ever expect a stranger to "invite 'em in", anyway.
I guess Im a masochist if I prefer a rude person to someone polite but talks about me behind my back blatantly. I can give the vibe of a jackass and a friendly person both because its my New England way and prefer others to be up front with me.
Portlanders tho, they dont seem to go behind your back even tho their polite up front. It seems as if their polite and they leave it at that. Southerners are the ones to look out for and I get worse vibes with southerners actually.
So...Portland people are reserved but polite it seems. Sounds good to me.
Trust me, any Portland or Seattle Freeze could not be NEARLY as bad as the Jersey attitude which is loud and obnoxious maybe a little friendly underneath all that hostility and ego. The link to the "Seattle social disease" is not nearly as scary as this link here, which shows you the Jersey social disease...
So...Portland people are reserved but polite it seems. Sounds good to me.
Trust me, any Portland or Seattle Freeze could not be NEARLY as bad as the Jersey attitude which is loud and obnoxious maybe a little friendly underneath all that hostility and ego. The link to the "Seattle social disease" is not nearly as scary as this link here, which shows you the Jersey social disease...
After dealing with that all my life, I think I'm ready for a little "freeze".
That was hilarious! Do you have any more videos about funny New Jersey behavior?
Quote:
Originally Posted by meltinjohn
I guess Im a masochist if I prefer a rude person to someone polite but talks about me behind my back blatantly. I can give the vibe of a jackass and a friendly person both because its my New England way and prefer others to be up front with me.
Portlanders tho, they dont seem to go behind your back even tho their polite up front. It seems as if their polite and they leave it at that. Southerners are the ones to look out for and I get worse vibes with southerners actually.
Hey, I spent most of the day having fun. I realized I've been spending too much time on the net and I shouldn't take rants on this forum seriously. I just feel people who have a problem with it need to get over with it because human beings across the land have different ways of interaction. I'm just gonna leave it at that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluesbabe
I have a small circle of friends that I don't see that often because, well. . . I'm a loner, and more anti-social than they are. I don't need to see my friends often. But we very seldom meet at someone's house, and when we do it's at the same person's, at her invitation.
I'm friendly enough, but I don't like people in my house. Ever. Even to have some family over during the holidays is a feat of strength for me. Nor do I socialize with co-workers. I have friends there that I lunch with but it ends there. As I see it, I'm around them all for 40 hours a week, so I don't want to spend time with them after hours, too. I hate parties, avoid them like the plague.
I've never particularly noticed Portlanders to be slow to warm up to but perhaps I never paid attention to that. I don't know why anyone should ever expect a stranger to "invite 'em in", anyway.
As long as you're not doing something that is harmful to yourself or to others I don't see why people should get on your tail for being quiet. Do what you do.
2. Even if it is real, who wants to be friends with someone they just met? I just like to take my book and read it somewhere where I won't be disturbed.
You forgot 4) It could be worse then being known as standoffish. You could live in Camden or Detroit, where even the Taco Bells have bullet proof windows.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Welcome to City-Data.com forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with 700,000 other registered members. User profiles and some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your free account you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 15,000 posts/day about local topics and you will see fewer ads. 
Linear Mode
