Is there a "Portland Freeze" (house, incomes)

[Dogaholic]

Originally Posted by Bluesbabe

Sad, isn't it?

Fast-forward into the future, and now we're all too frazzled from working, and on the weekends too many of us try to get caught up in our domestic maintenance. We now view drop-in visits as inconsiderate (I'm guilty of that, too), and we're cautious about getting too friendly with the neighbors because we do NOT want revolving front doors.

Am I making sense?

Yes, you're making sense, and you are not out of line! In fact, a similar thought crossed my mind earlier today about our perceptions and experiences being based on our ages...

[subsound]

Not at all, I've had it happen to me at work. Not even in Portland, back in Denver when I worked for a non profit.

After 2 years at one job I moved form a marketing to reimbursement, literally one floor above my old desk in the same building, and I didn't see anyone from my old department. No one bothered to come up one floor. I came down to visit, but nothing the other way around until I left for Portland and we all went out to lunch.

[PDXmom]

Originally Posted by Dogaholic

Perhaps that's the real explanation. Times have changed, and therefore so have relationships. And not just in the Pacific Northwest!

I'm not so sure I agree with this. I lived in Portland for 20 years, moved summer of 07 to Durham, NC. While I don't believe Portland has a full on social freeze. I do think there is a bit of a light frost.

After moving away I experienced a bit of what one of the posters mentioned, out of sight out of mind. It suprised me and hurt me when people who I thought were my friends did not respond to my efforts to stay in touch. BUT that was not ALL my friends and some where transplants and some were natives. And some transplants and some natives have done a great job of staying in touch in me. So I don't think you can generalize.

But I will say that in our first 6 months of living in Durham, NC we were invited to more social functions (dinners, parties, pot lucks, etc) than we were for the previous 5 years in Portland. Even our elementary aged children noticed this.

In Portland we did lots of play dates for the kids. But only a few people we knew invited us for dinner or invited us to socialize outside of work, school, etc. In Portland it's very easy to be intraverted (my hubby is an intravert). But we've found here (Durham, NC) people draw you in and embrace you. Our current NC neighbors are from all over the US, some local, some transplants. And in terms of # of working adults in the household, the numbers are very similar in my current neighborhood and my old neighborhood in Portland. Yet, my social calendar is much fuller here than in Portland.

In part I think it's the weather in PNW. When it's wet and grey, you can't wait to get inside where it's dry and warm. There is only 3 months of the year where you are outside standing around talking to your neighbors. Here people are out all year round. Maybe it's a percentages game based on weather.

OP, considering your screen name, I would think you won't have a problem meeting people in Portland. The dog communities are fairly friendly. Lots of dog parks. It's an easy way to meet people. A friend of mine in Portland with a grown child, said she had to get a dog, so she could meet new people. Most everyone in Portland loves dogs. Now I can't say if you will get dinner invitations from the dog park. But your doggie neighbors will look for you at the dog park and want to see you there.

Last idea to those who are trying to get to know there neighbors better. Instead of a summer bbq, see if anyone is interested in a progressive dinner. This makes people invite other folks into their homes. And some people just need a little extra nudge.

Personally, I think intraverts like Portland because the rain, and these folks need a little more down time by themselves. It would be interesting to see if anyone has researched the percentage of intraverts vs extraverts based on weather.

[findingmesomeday]

I lived in Portland and Seattle for about 12 years total. (also lived in the Bay Area). We've lived on the East Coast the past 14 years. I like where we are right now--not necessarily because people are so friendly (they're not, though they're certainly not unfriendly either--the standoffishness--it's a Massachusetts thing) but because the town is a great one for kids and the schools are very good.

We were thinking about moving to NC a few years back, and in fact, it's still high on our list. But an opportunity looks as though it may present itself in Portland, so we're toying with the idea of going back after all these years. I spent a few days there a few weeks back and there is definitely a cultural difference between east and west coasts.

[beatphl]

Originally Posted by janb

Perfect answer and SO correct

There is actually some difference between Seattle and Portland, but it really depends on your circle. Kinda like coffee and 1Gb baud rate up there, and Granola (or micro brew) and a single source connection in PDX. OR can be very polarized in thought. There is significant animosity for those who are foolish enough to express a different viewpoint. Getting along, and being accepted is easier. Just don't think. The Corporate Public Broadcasting enterprise in OR even publishes it as their motto !! (they offer such 'unbiased' content )

BTW, I came to PNW from CO 26 yrs ago, (not Denver) so for a "friendly" fix, I visit CO (or NE, WY, SD, ND, MN, WI) a couple times / year. We've been invited into PNW homes a few times in 26 yrs, much different than a few times / week in other destinations.

I have been here since 2005 and have never been invited to anyones home. I don't get it this has never been an issue anywhere else I have lived. What's the deal?

[EnricoV]

My first thought to many of the posts in this thread is ... have you invited anyone into your home?

But I've been contemplating this so-called "freeze," and here're my thoughts on it ... from my personal perspective, mind you. Or, at least, the way my social life--such as it is--works. I do socialize with friends, family, etc. quite a lot. Friends, we usually meet in public places, not often in anyone's home. But I've been to most of their homes. However, my friends are people with whom I share common interests. And in roughly the same circumstance (kids, no kids, etc.). Living on the same street isn't one of those interests. And my neighborhood has people in all different circumstances. I don't know my neighbors (probably because I live downtownish). With my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, etc.) I do both. Visit them in their homes and meet in public.

I don't think we grew up observing the (as I see them) phoney niceties of life. Calling on the neighbors kind of thing. Having formal dinner parties. If you got together, it was a barbeque, or a potluck. But then again, we didn't grow up wealthy. And I grew up not in the city.

Work, to me, is the last place I want to find my friends. I hate sitting around with people who know each other from work, because that's usually all they talk about. And if I wanted to hear all that ... I'd go hang out in their lunchroom.

Bottom line, you have to find common interests. And that's where you'll find friends.

And what's the old cliche ... to make a friend, you must be a friend.

[JakeDog]

I grew up in Portland, moved back for a while after college. The freeze is real, and appears to be a Pacific NW thing. People are friendly, but generally not as social as the rest of the country. I'm not sure if that is a cultural thing, a weather thing, or what. A lot of bookish indoor reader types appear to be attracted to the Pacific NW, so it may be a self-selecting thing. But it is real. Compared to Califorinia, it is much harder to make NEW friends.

[StealthRabbit]

Originally Posted by EnricoV

My first thought to many of the posts in this thread is ... have you invited anyone into your home? ...
And what's the old cliche ... to make a friend, you must be a friend.

I have looked at that angle, so we did an experiment and invited over 30 DIFFERENT couples / families over per yr for 2 yrs. While we didn't expect reciprocation (because we enjoy hosting and meeting folks), we only had 2
invites, and one of the two was to meet at a restaurant for 'dutch' (which is fine, but a bit weird from our perspective). Its pretty strange, as we will meet the folks in the store a few yrs later, and they will say how great it was for us to host them, and how nice the group dinner for Valentines Day was, or how they enjoyed meeting other folks we brought together... but poof - their off in there own little world... too bad, but we're used to it, and hopefully OUTTA here. I was fascinated at a PDX meeting on group housing where current members were talking about how great it was to help each other out with kids and projects and gardening... That was the norm when I was a kid, I spent every Saturday helping other folks with my grandparents or parents, even tho we had a TON of stuff to do on our own farm. I'm glad we homeschooled and taught our kids the same, I'd hate for them to think that giving (Time, talent, food, housing) is the exception

My theory... Its the PNW... was settled by independents who were looking to 'get-away'... It worked!! (for those who survived) and is still working

[subsound]

I'm not sure, the introversion and freeze are different things. I think a good balance is really essential, though I know in myself I recharge when I'm alone or in very small groups of people.

I can see something of a freeze because of the weather, I know if it's pouring (like last night) all I want to do is stay home, watch a movie, and drink some Trader Joe's Chai (yum). However, the only neighbors I know are from Minnesota and California, the others won't really even look me in the eyes. It's nothing big to me, I kind of like not standing around and yacking for 20 minutes every time I get the mail or walk the dog. It was nice getting to know so many people in Denver and it was easy, but when you're in a rush and your neighbors/friends want to talk it's hard to say "I'm sorry I am real pressed for time right now, I need to go".

I know people on both ends of the spectrum on the introversion/extroversion scale, people who really can't be alone...serious if they are alone they update twitter/facebook, text, call, email, etc till some one writes them back and engages in interaction. On the other side people who really can't be in anything but one on one or alone, they shut down and get away as soon as they can. It might be a situation too where a bit of force introversion is sought out, so it weighs more heavily on that scale. Or that people are so busy it's forced anyways.

[argo69]

People do tend to be different depending on where they live. Whether the environment shapes social traits or people of a given type migrate to certain areas (self-selection), there appears to be something to this whole "freeze" phenomenom.

The United States of Mind - WSJ.com