Were you a mistale? (light, normal, teenage, hormone)

[AnonChick]

Originally Posted by lisalan

Sorry it should say were you a MISTAKE not mistale LOL

My mom has told me that I was not a planned pregnancy and I guess that makes my creation a mistake. Do you think it is EVER appropriate to tell you child that they were not planned? Is it appropriate to tell them when they become and adult. All I know is it hasn't made me feel too good about myself.
My third child was also totally and completely unplanned but I have no intention of ever telling her this. I love her with all my heart regardless.

Anyone else in the same boat?

Did you mean something other than what you posted?

I don't know of anyone who believes, or were told, that their existence was a mistake.

However, I know plenty of people whose mothers were not planning to get pregnant when they did. I also know plenty of couples, and individual women, who had children without planning the pregnancy in advance.

[aidxen]

A baby may be unplanned by the parents but I do not think anyone should consider themselves a mistake.

I believe in God and I believe that He values every person so even if the persons biological parents somehow do not value the person, I believe that they are valued by God and by many other people.

[KylieEve]

Originally Posted by aidxen

A baby may be unplanned by the parents but I do not think anyone should consider themselves a mistake.

I believe in God and I believe that He values every person so even if the persons biological parents somehow do not value the person, I believe that they are valued by God and by many other people.

Very nice way of looking at it.

[KylieEve]

Originally Posted by AnonChick

Did you mean something other than what you posted?

I don't know of anyone who believes, or were told, that their existence was a mistake.

However, I know plenty of people whose mothers were not planning to get pregnant when they did. I also know plenty of couples, and individual women, who had children without planning the pregnancy in advance.

Just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it does not exist. There are billions of people in the world. Odds are that one out of a billion was told that they were a mistake.

[AnonChick]

Yes, but billions of people in the world weren't asked "are you in the same boat?" That question was asked to the readership of this forum. As a reader of this forum, my answer is no, and I threw in the "I don't know anyone else either" as a bonus.

[NCyank]

My siblings and I were all unplanned. I can't necessarily speak for them but I never felt like a mistake and I never thought they were mistakes. I'm a much more positive person I guess.

Originally Posted by lisalan

Now if you tell a child they were unplanned then does it not follow LOGICALLY that the child in question was not intended to be conceived in the first place. Now wouldn't that make some people feel a tiny bit unwanted?

It depends on the person. You seem more sensitive than most but no, I don't think most people would feel unwanted knowing their conception was unplanned. Most people would not label themselves as a 'mistake' knowing their conception was unplanned. Also, conception can be unplanned but not unwanted (as others have tried to point out) so your conclusion isn't necessarily logical. FE, we wanted to get pregnant with our second child but we hadn't planned it for when it happened. Knowing she was unplanned doesn't suggest at all that DD was unwanted.

Originally Posted by lisalan

No I don't want the topic closed I just would rather have a discussion about unplanned pregnancies rather than on defintions and terminology. I'm no longer in school thank goodness but feel like I am being forced to write a test here LOL,
Yes she did say she was happy when I was born because I am the only girl. My brother had and still has serious health problems when he was born so I think that also played a part in her not wanting me.
Now I think I will go and comment on the posts.

Regardless of whether or not your conception was planned or what your mother told you, why don't you focus on the bolded part. Your mother was happy when you were born. Leave it at that. A positive outlook is good for the body mind and spirit.

[riaelise]

Oh good grief! I know what the OP meant, why are there so many posts harping on word usage? I've heard people use the term "mistake" when they were discussing an unplanned pregnancy, and the conversation was not negative. "Mistake" meaning "mistake... in judgment". For some, unplanned pregnancies, at least at the moment, could be considered errors in judgment. "Surprise" is the more positive word, but regardless. To the original question, my answer is NO. I was totally planned, and both my pregnancies were totally planned.

[KylieEve]

Originally Posted by riaelise

Oh good grief! I know what the OP meant, why are there so many posts harping on word usage? I've heard people use the term "mistake" when they were discussing an unplanned pregnancy, and the conversation was not negative. "Mistake" meaning "mistake... in judgment". For some, unplanned pregnancies, at least at the moment, could be considered errors in judgment. "Surprise" is the more positive word, but regardless. To the original question, my answer is NO. I was totally planned, and both my pregnancies were totally planned.

Exactly. Thank-you so much. I thought my thread was pretty clear until 1 or 2 people on here started with the nit-picking. Oh and thank-you for answering my question. Even when I clarified what I meant further people started posting links to dictionary definitons of the words mistake and unplanned as if I was some sort of idiot who has no grasp of the English language. I am so happy there are some very intelligent people here like you riaelise

[sbd78]

I put two and two together that I was unplanned since I was born 6 months after my parents wedding. I asked my Mom about it once and she admitted that yes, I was not planned. I never felt any less loved because of it though. Some of the best things in life aren't planned. My first child, my DS, was not planned either. But I believe he was meant to be here, and now I can't imagine my life without him. After my "surprise" pregnancy with him, we had a very difficult time having my second child. It totally came out of left field since DS was unplanned and I had a perfect and easy pregnancy with him. I had 4 miscarriages while trying to concieve #2, tons of testing, and was diagnosed with some clotting and autoimmune issues. I had to do lovenox injections and IVIg treatments to finally carry my DD to term, and I don't love her any more than my DS even though I had to work very hard to have her and DS was a surprise. I couldn't imagine my life without either one of them. All the difficulty I had having my DD just shows what a miracle DS is.

[Reneeme]

I found out the way the poster above me found out, by the # of months between my parents wedding and my birthday (5 months or so). I was about 11 years old when I realized it, and I remember that when I asked my mother she choked (not literally) on her dinner!

In my case, my mother did not want kids and I don't think she wanted to marry my father. They divorced after 7 years (and after having one more baby so that I would not be an only child....lol!).

Anyway, even though I was unplanned and a mistake, and even though it changed the course of my mother's life, it still did not really bother me to know that it was not the way she intended. My brother and I sometimes even joke that I was a mistake and he was a gift! My mother did say later that she was glad that it happened the way that it did because she probably would never have had kids. Also, my mother was not really the warm nurturing type, and I still did not feel upset about knowing I was not part of her plan (although she did sugar coat the story until I was old enough to hear the whole truth).