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I agree with that, the husband is not thinking about his wife's issues, he is typical, very selfish. He knows what he wants. That is okay. The wife now has to decide if she wants to continue living with a selfish pig, who does not care about her wants.
I, for one, would leave. But...don't think that you are leaving, and will find a perfect man and romance, with a man who wants to have a child. Most men your age have already had chidlren, and don't want more.
First you say her husband is a selfish pig, then you say most men her age have already had children and dont want more. Duh! thats the situation her husband is in .
First you say her husband is a selfish pig, then you say most men her age have already had children and dont want more. Duh! thats the situation her husband is in .
The difference, to me, is that in a marriage there is supposed to be an emotional investment, in helping the other person be happy. He is not, he is selfish. But, it is true, other men the same age, do not want chidlren. However, this is not always true, the OP could meet a man who had no children. My ex was 45 when I met him, he had not had any children, as he had been very involved with his career, so there are men without children out there, who want them. I know a man right now, who is 54, he wants children, but most women he is dating, do not want kids. And he does not want to date someone with children, or a really young woman. So, they are out there...
The difference, to me, is that in a marriage there is supposed to be an emotional investment, in helping the other person be happy. He is not, he is selfish. But, it is true, other men the same age, do not want chidlren. However, this is not always true, the OP could meet a man who had no children. My ex was 45 when I met him, he had not had any children, as he had been very involved with his career, so there are men without children out there, who want them. I know a man right now, who is 54, he wants children, but most women he is dating, do not want kids. And he does not want to date someone with children, or a really young woman. So, they are out there...
Sooooo....if he gives in to make HER happy then HE'S not happy. Not following your logic here. How is it that she's not the one being selfish considering she knew his stance before they got married?
Why anyone would want to "guilt" their partner into having a child to make them happy is beyond me as to why that would be good for a marriage.
Hi,
FYI. A couple of things.
First, I would never guilt him into having a child. What kind of a dad would he be then?
Second, when he told me he had a vasectomy I did not equate that to he never wanted children. They are reversible, there is sperm retrieval, and adoption as options. I admit we did not discuss this properly before marriage. I never knew his strict position on having children until weeksago. BTW, he did not get a vasectomy because he never wanted more children. He had the surgery because of his x wife's health issues. I will take responsibility for not discussing it thoroughly before marriage. He had to think there might be a possibility this would come up when he married a women that had never been married before and did not have any children. Life is not set in stone, things change. And I found out the sad reality that he is not willing to change with me. So now the best I can do is try to ask my 59 year old self if I regret my decision, or if I am looking back at my adult child's life and thanking the good Lord I took that path.....
Last edited by pray4miracle; 11-19-2010 at 01:32 AM..
Hi,
So now the best I can do is try to ask my 59 year old self if I regret my decision, or if I am looking back at my adult child's life and thanking the good Lord I took that path.....
I do understand your angst over this, and I don't want to sound insensitive. I truly do understand your desire to be a mother, but I just think there is more at stake in leaving a marriage than what our personal desires may dictate. You have stated that you are a person of faith or I wouldn't likely mention this point. You say what would your 59 year old self say to you, but I think the real question, again if you are a person of faith, is what would God say to you? Do you think he would want you to break up your marriage over this issue? Seriously? I don't know about you, but I just don't think this is a valid reason to even consider ending your marriage.
Moreover, I think sometimes happiness finds us when we set our hearts to do what's right, not necessarily what may seem to promise greater satisfaction. Does this make any sense? You say your husband knows how important this issue is to you. If he truly does, I would say just pray about this and then leave the outcome in the Lord's hands. He could possibly turn your husband's heart, but if that doesn't happen, then I think you should leave it at that trusting God for how your life turns out. I'm sorry to sound like such a broken record about this point. So let me just say this one more time and I promise, I promise I'll be done with the advice giving!
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress
Is this a typo?
She means projecting into her future how she will feel at 59.
Last edited by kaykay; 11-19-2010 at 11:10 AM..
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Duh! thats the situation her husband is in .
