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Old 03-31-2011, 08:03 PM
 
Location: Connecticut
2,727 posts, read 6,133,053 times
Reputation: 2004

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I'm not sure if I am posting in the right area, so I apologize.

Has anyone ever NOT been able to conceive and not able to do IUI or IVF? How have you been able to move forward from this? I have had some health issues and now cannot conceive on my own. There is very little chance that IUI would work for me and I would have to go the route of IVF.

However, my insurance will not cover anything. I am single, so of course have not been trying, and because of that nothing is covered (I think that's b.s. since it's not my choice to be single).

Anyhow, I've come to realize that my dream of becoming a mother will not come true. My mind has accepted that. but my heart hasn't. If that makes sense. I've been to therapy, but it hasn't helped a lot since this is something that I am having trouble getting through.

I was wondering if anyone else has been through this and how have you worked through it?

(please note that adoption or fostering is not an option - many people have suggested that to me)

 
Old 03-31-2011, 08:11 PM
 
6,757 posts, read 8,244,811 times
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I'm so sorry, and I have been unable to have children, either. Due to a combination of health and circumstances, I've remained childless into my late 40's. Now, of course, I wouldn't be able to risk it, even if there was a chance for me to conceive.

How did I deal with it? Well, initially I found it to be very depressing. I felt defective, and I felt like I was not doing something I was supposed to do. My second husband never really wanted kids, but would have accepted it if I'd gotten pregnant, and even actively tried with me for several years. We could not afford (and insurance did not cover) fertility treatments, and so when I turned 40, we stopped trying. We didn't start actively preventing until last year, on advice of my doctor.

As I've gotten older, I've felt more accepting of it. I do realize that I'd have a hard time chasing a toddler around now! So I count my blessings instead.

Funnily enough, none of my siblings have been able to have children, either.

Hugs to you. It will get better, though you will always regret that you were unable, if it remains that way for you.
 
Old 03-31-2011, 08:20 PM
 
18,837 posts, read 37,221,229 times
Reputation: 26458
That is very rough. I don't know how I would feel in your position. But I do know that your life is very rich in other aspects, and I would focus on the things you can do without children in your life, focus on your career, go to school, get in fantastic shape, enjoy vacations, maybe you should get a dog or cat, not that a pet is a child, but it might help you feel better about having something around that is alive, and loving. Best wishes to you.
 
Old 04-02-2011, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Southern California
3,113 posts, read 8,352,944 times
Reputation: 3721
I'm not sure why you've ruled out adopting, and it's none of my business, but it really does slam the door shut on the dream if you don't even have that as an option.

I think for a lot of women, the idea that they can always adopt may soften the blow when they realize they can't have children naturally. I'm sorry you don't have that option to fall back on.
 
Old 04-02-2011, 09:29 AM
 
2,779 posts, read 5,479,654 times
Reputation: 5068
This will sound insensitive, sorry in advance.

We adopted our two children, I thank God every day that I am unable to have children in the usual way.
 
Old 04-04-2011, 07:13 AM
 
Location: S. Florida
1,100 posts, read 3,004,164 times
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I suffered a few ectopic pregnancies and conceived my first child through IVF. We were fortunate at that time as my husband has insurance that covered the procedure. We adopted our second child through an infant open adoption plan.

I am just curious as to why adoption or fostering is not an option?
 
Old 04-05-2011, 05:48 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
2,727 posts, read 6,133,053 times
Reputation: 2004
Adoption is not an option because it will cost just as much (or more) than the IUI/IVF.

I know people might be thinking "you know it costs money to raise kids right?" and yes I am well aware of the costs involved in raising a child. It's just one thing to have a child without paying (so to speak) and deal with the costs, then to have to come up with the tens of thousands of dollar before even being guaranteed a child.

I'm not getting any younger, so that's strike one. I have health issues that will make it impossible to get pregnant on my own and very difficult even with help, strike two. The costs of treatment.adoption are outrageous and I don't have the money up front to pay for a chance of having a child, strike three.

I do have 2 cats, and while I love them dearly and wouldn't trade them for the world, it doesn't fill the hole I have in my heart. Being a mother was the only dream I ever had in life, a dream that now cannot come true.
 
Old 04-05-2011, 06:44 AM
 
1,302 posts, read 1,801,709 times
Reputation: 1947
Quote:
Originally Posted by CTGirlNoMore View Post
Adoption is not an option because it will cost just as much (or more) than the IUI/IVF.

I know people might be thinking "you know it costs money to raise kids right?" and yes I am well aware of the costs involved in raising a child. It's just one thing to have a child without paying (so to speak) and deal with the costs, then to have to come up with the tens of thousands of dollar before even being guaranteed a child.

I'm not getting any younger, so that's strike one. I have health issues that will make it impossible to get pregnant on my own and very difficult even with help, strike two. The costs of treatment.adoption are outrageous and I don't have the money up front to pay for a chance of having a child, strike three.

I do have 2 cats, and while I love them dearly and wouldn't trade them for the world, it doesn't fill the hole I have in my heart. Being a mother was the only dream I ever had in life, a dream that now cannot come true.
Honestly, and please don't take this the wrong way, don't have a baby alone. No matter how much you want to be a mother, it is selfish to bring a baby into this world knowingly only having one parent.

You have no idea, and trust me, you cannot comprehend how incredibly difficult it is to be a single parent but no matter how hard it is it is more heartbreaking to see your child wish for another parent and not be able to fill that void.
 
Old 04-05-2011, 07:02 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
2,727 posts, read 6,133,053 times
Reputation: 2004
I don't take that the wrong way, but I will just add that having 2 parents is not always the best either. I grew up with a mother who never wanted to be married and have kids and let us know that (to this day still), but did "because that's what everyone was doing". I often wished she had left us and let my father take care of us.
 
Old 04-05-2011, 07:25 AM
 
7,099 posts, read 27,111,221 times
Reputation: 7452
Quote:
Originally Posted by LeavingMassachusetts View Post
Honestly, and please don't take this the wrong way, don't have a baby alone. No matter how much you want to be a mother, it is selfish to bring a baby into this world knowingly only having one parent.

You have no idea, and trust me, you cannot comprehend how incredibly difficult it is to be a single parent but no matter how hard it is it is more heartbreaking to see your child wish for another parent and not be able to fill that void.
I'll agree to this. You may think you can be both mother and father to a child, but there is a difference!

I was raised without a father. The yearning to know what a father's love is like still preys on my mind. And to make matters worse, Mother was too busy trying to support us, so she wasn't able to be much of a mother. Your health problems will put an even bigger burden on your child.
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