U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Happy Thanksgiving Day!
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Pregnancy
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
 
 
Old 11-11-2011, 10:33 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,678 times
Reputation: 10

Advertisements

About three weeks ago, I found out that I am pregnant. My boyfriend was shocked at first, along with my parents. But now everyone is almost--excited? My boyfriend and I love eachother and he is happy about it, the only negative he can find is the financial burden. My mom, who is a Christian, is completly against abortion and has agreed to help me with everything, even when the baby is here, just so I don't abort or give it up for adoption. Although all my friends are telling me to abort, I also am against the idea, and so is my boyfriend. I am, however, interested in adoption, but everyone in my life is against it- especially my boyfriend. I almost feel selfish for thinking adoption since I know I could afford it and I know me and my boyfriend want to get married down the road, but am just thinking about my own career and college path. Will my ''life be over'' if i keep it? I also suffer from anxiety problems so dont know if I can emotionally handle it. Any advise on deciding between adoption and raising it??
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-11-2011, 10:54 PM
 
Location: Catonsville, MD
2,367 posts, read 3,916,236 times
Reputation: 1606
I cannot help you make the decision, but will tell you that I am an adoptive mom. One thing I can say about the vast majority of women like me - we absolutely and totally wanted to have a child. Nobody would go through the difficulties of adopting unless you really wanted a child.

Having said that, I hope you are able to come to a decision that satisfies you and your boyfriend. You are not in an easy position right now. Sending you hugs!

PS My kids are now 7 and 9 - they are the lights of my life. I completely adore them and cannot imagine my life without them. I will be forever grateful to their birth mothers.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-11-2011, 11:15 PM
 
109 posts, read 90,880 times
Reputation: 53
You are probably not that far into the pregnancy, so you have some time, right? You don't have to make any snap decisions. You should just take the time you need to think it through and decide. Don't let everyone in your life try to make the decision for you. It's your decision. You will be the one ultimately raising this child. Only you know if you will be able to do that. Of course it can be done, and your life will most definitely not be over. Different, yes, but not over. You may be a better parent than you think you will be. Of course, trying to raise a child with anxiety problems and working on your career could be very very difficult too though... I'm not trying to minimize that.
If you choose adoption you will make some other family's dream come true. Chances are your child will be loved and have a good life. But it will likely be very difficult for you and your family.

Go to adoption.com forums and talk to others who have been through it, think about it some more and then come to a conclusion. I wish you the best of luck with everything and I'm sure it will all work out.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-12-2011, 12:24 PM
 
734 posts, read 885,157 times
Reputation: 881
You don't have to give up everything though you do have to give up alot.You'll still be able to have a life, it'll just be centered around the child. Prepare to take advantage of all daycare opportunities and look at distance learning options from your school. I am just finishing up my senior year and hoping to go to grad school @ night while working full time, when my girlfriend told me she's pregnant (i'm 22). We're good financially, have healthcare and good support but the costs freak me out everyday. From another guy, your boyfriends behavior mimics mine exactly-extremely worried about the financial aspect cause really all us guys can do is is make sure the "nest" is still standing when the baby comes due. He sounds like he's a standup guy and you're talking about marriage; I think it would work out.

good luck.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-12-2011, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
22,111 posts, read 16,681,529 times
Reputation: 11614
Quote:
Originally Posted by trixie123 View Post
About three weeks ago, I found out that I am pregnant. My boyfriend was shocked at first, along with my parents. But now everyone is almost--excited? My boyfriend and I love eachother and he is happy about it, the only negative he can find is the financial burden. My mom, who is a Christian, is completly against abortion and has agreed to help me with everything, even when the baby is here, just so I don't abort or give it up for adoption. Although all my friends are telling me to abort, I also am against the idea, and so is my boyfriend. I am, however, interested in adoption, but everyone in my life is against it- especially my boyfriend. I almost feel selfish for thinking adoption since I know I could afford it and I know me and my boyfriend want to get married down the road, but am just thinking about my own career and college path. Will my ''life be over'' if i keep it? I also suffer from anxiety problems so dont know if I can emotionally handle it. Any advise on deciding between adoption and raising it??
YOU need to do what is right for you. Don't let others push you into raising a child you are not ready to raise. That would not be fair to you or the child.

If you were my daughter, I'd tell you to put the baby up for adoption. Somewhere out there is a couple waiting to become parents who are better prepared to raise this child. It is NOT selfish to give up a child you are not ready to parent. It would be selfish for someone to expect you to raise a child you are not ready to raise.

I wish you the best.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-12-2011, 12:56 PM
Status: "Ephesians 3:20" (set 10 hours ago)
 
6,623 posts, read 2,993,121 times
Reputation: 10251
Quote:
Originally Posted by trixie123 View Post
About three weeks ago, I found out that I am pregnant. My boyfriend was shocked at first, along with my parents. But now everyone is almost--excited? My boyfriend and I love eachother and he is happy about it, the only negative he can find is the financial burden. My mom, who is a Christian, is completly against abortion and has agreed to help me with everything, even when the baby is here, just so I don't abort or give it up for adoption. Although all my friends are telling me to abort, I also am against the idea, and so is my boyfriend. I am, however, interested in adoption, but everyone in my life is against it- especially my boyfriend. I almost feel selfish for thinking adoption since I know I could afford it and I know me and my boyfriend want to get married down the road, but am just thinking about my own career and college path. Will my ''life be over'' if i keep it? I also suffer from anxiety problems so dont know if I can emotionally handle it. Any advise on deciding between adoption and raising it??
Your life is not over if you keep the baby. I had my first son on my 18th birthday. It was one of the most magical days in my life. I never considered giving him up; even though I was so young, we have grown up together & I wouldn't change a thing about the decisions I made. Follow your heart & don't rush into making a mistake that can't be reversed.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-12-2011, 01:21 PM
 
1,398 posts, read 3,033,812 times
Reputation: 2643
Like everyone else said, this has to be your decision, and don't let anyone else pressure you.

That being said, I do not know what is the right decision for you, since you're the only person that knows that. However, if it was me in your shoes, I would keep the baby. While adoption/abortion is the right choice for some people, neither of those two is the right one for me. Sure, babies cost money. But, I can tell you that our baby doesn't "cost" nearly as much as our friends' baby. While their baby wears only name brand clothes, we buy at Walmart...or department stores when they have clearance sales. You can also check out garage sales for clothes-eBay etc...When our daughter switched to formula, we would buy her "store brand" formula, rather than Enfamil...has the same content, and is less expensive. Needless to say, our daughter is thriving on it.

I have anxiety problems and obsessive compulsive disorder. Although I needed two-three weeks to fully adjust to being a parent ( had some mood swings ), I love it...I don't find that my daughter made my anxiety problems worse. If anything, she made my anxiety problems better...I don't get as anxious about certain things nowadays...

Anyway, I hope you'll find the right choice for you. Just take your time to think about things and follow your heart. Good Luck to you.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-12-2011, 02:40 PM
 
3,224 posts, read 3,804,360 times
Reputation: 3256
A couple of people have said it is your decision alone. It isn't quite. For you to give the baby up for adoption, the baby's father would have to agree.

I do agree with all those who said to take your time. Go ahead and visit the adoption forum mentioned, too. Talk to your boyfriend more than to anyone else. He needs to know your thoughts; you need to know his.

(When I was a child I used to wish my parents had adopted me, because then I would know for sure that I had been wanted and chosen.)
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-12-2011, 06:18 PM
Status: "My Child is an Honor Student. My Governor is a Moron!" (set 26 days ago)
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
25,960 posts, read 17,218,767 times
Reputation: 31007
a parent should be grown up when they decide to parent a child and saying it is fun to grow up together with a baby is rather pathetic. Actually it is the most selfless thing in the world to decide to make an adoption plan for your child. the selfish thing is to keep a child you really can't do right by.

I really do admire the three birth mothers of our three adopted kids. they were very strong and thinking more about their children than themselves.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-13-2011, 07:50 AM
 
Location: So Ca
5,380 posts, read 5,144,884 times
Reputation: 4039
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
Actually it is the most selfless thing in the world to decide to make an adoption plan for your child. the selfish thing is to keep a child you really can't do right by.
I agree. I volunteer with teenage mothers, although most are a couple of years younger than the OP. Their lives are forever altered by their decision to raise a child when they are so young themselves; most specifically their education becoming lowest priority.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Pregnancy
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top