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Old 12-09-2012, 12:10 PM
 
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Greetings!

Right, my wifes best friend has discovered that she's pregnant at the age of 40 (she'll be 41 when she gives birth), her husband is 42. This is a complete shock to her and her husband as it was un-intended, one of those the pill didn't work jobs. 97% prevention = 3% non-prevention of course.

They have 3 children aged 20, 13 & 9. It looks like they're going to have to move as the house isn't big enough (they rent) and he may well need a few more hours, not the easiest thing to find at the moment.

When my wife told me my initial reaction was "Bloody hell! That must have been a hell of a surprise" and we got talking about it. We made the decision years ago not to have anymore children (we have 3) and a surgical prevention was chosen, so our chat was hypothetical.

My wife, (aged 40) said that if she were able to become pregnant and did she'd have it but she wouldn't try to get pregnant. I, (aged 41) pretty much said the same thing except mine wasn't as wistful and had more...... (mild) profanity.

If it happened to you, or indeed has happened to you what would or did you do? What are the deciding factors do you think. Your ages, finances, ages of other children?

(Just to add that in the UK most couples seem to start families in the 25 -34 region and starting a family in the mid-late 30s is fairly unusual: source).


Last edited by Baldrick; 12-09-2012 at 12:31 PM.. Reason: Adding an edit.
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Old 12-09-2012, 12:19 PM
 
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I'd keep it and consider it a blessing from God assuming it wasn't from rape. A woman at church gave birth to triplets naturally at 46 and I think that gives me hope.
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Old 12-09-2012, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
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This is so funny because most of my friends are in their early to late 30's and are just starting their families! I also have lots of neighbors that started their families in their late 30's/early 40's! I guess it's all relative! I had my first baby at 35 - I wasn't ready before then.
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Old 12-09-2012, 12:29 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
I'd keep it and consider it a blessing from God assuming it wasn't from rape. A woman at church gave birth to triplets naturally at 46 and I think that gives me hope.
Ha, oh she may have claimed it was "natural" but I'd bet a pretty penny there was more than a little medical intervention. Gonadotropins, I'd guess.

If I was in y'all's situation, I'd keep the child. My parents and both sets of grandparents had kids into their early 40s and they all had plenty of life left to be active, energetic parents. Finances might be an issue, but that's why you should start saving for college when they're little and learn how to stretch a dollar.
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Old 12-09-2012, 12:30 PM
 
Location: Pa
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Things can be rearranged. My mom was 38 when she had my sister. I think the futher siblings get along.
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Old 12-09-2012, 12:31 PM
 
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No this was natural, she was stunned and upset and is a devout Catholic.
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Old 12-09-2012, 12:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
No this was natural, she was stunned and upset and is a devout Catholic.
Catholics use fertility treatments as well. And any woman who becomes pregnant with triplets is usually stunned and at least a little upset. I imagine she was aiming for one, two tops. More than that and there's a considerable increase in risks to mother and babies, which is why doctors often suggest reducing to twins. As a Catholic, she likely considered that not an option.

It's a touchy subject to a lot of people. Many women are embarrassed that they had fertility problems and will swear up and down that they conceived naturally or that they didn't use donor eggs. It's a shame, really, I wish more women were open about their use of fertility treatments but I imagine there are still those who would judge them for it, particularly amongst the devout, hence the fibbing.
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Old 12-09-2012, 12:50 PM
 
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We were done adding to our family when I turned 30. At 36 we had an "oh ****" moment when the condom broke. He went and had a vasectomy and that solved our problems.

IF, IF, IF by some chance (that 1 in 2000 chance) I became pregnant of course I'd keep the baby. It would be the shock of a lifetime for me and I can assure you there would be a LOT of worry with regard to health but we have enough money and enough space for more.

However, I would not plan another child at this stage of my life. We've got 4 healthy, intelligent, active children and I know at our age we are at higher risk for having difficulties with my health as well as the baby's. I couldn't willingly submit to that.
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Old 12-09-2012, 01:02 PM
 
Location: NY metro area
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I'm 38 and my husband is 42 and I will say that we're not doing anything to prevent pregnancy other than the fact that he's out of the country half the year. I told my husband if he was certain he didn't want anymore children, it was up to him to "take care of things" since I've had the pleasure of being cut open three times already.

My sister just had twins a couple months ago at 37, although her husband is a few years younger and I know they haven't completely written off more children.
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Old 12-09-2012, 01:06 PM
 
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It's crazy to me that couples rely on the pill when there are so many outside factors that can decrease the effectiveness. Does she drink? Has she taken medications recently? Does she take it at the same time every single day? Etc.

I am not looking to have kids, but if it happened, I would accept my new reality. I believe things happen for a reason.
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