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I agree with Vhl73 here... many women in other cultures have children up until they simply CAN'T conceive anymore (menopause). If your wife can still conceive and her ob gives her the go ahead, do it. Or you will regret it. You, yourself, are only in your 30's. There's plenty of time for you to parent, even in the odd case that your child would need special care of some sort. You're fine. I say go ahead with it and with the advances in medicine and technology, things should turn out well. There's still time.
My wife wants a yes or no answer as to whether or not I want to try for a second child. There is no question that both of us would be happy to welcome a new family member. Here's the issue:
My wife is 43. She is very healthy, no high blood pressure, diabetes, not over/under weight. She delivered our first child just before her 41st birthday. Our daughter came out perfect, no complications or issues. Prior to that, we miscarried the year before. Both times, we had no issues conceiving naturally.
Based on the stats I've found, there is a large disparity in risk, even between ages 41 and 43. I realize that we may be unable to conceive, which would make the decision for us. That's easy enough.
My biggest concern is that we would conceive and either miscarry or have complications. We would probably do genetic testing, but not sure what we would do if there were problems.
At this point, is the risk of an unfavorable outcome so great, that it's not worth trying? Should we just leave well enough alone? Any feedback from those that have been through similar dilemmas would be greatly appreciated.
Actually, after 25, it is all downhill - when it comes to fertility. Sorru. But that's the facts.
I am in great favor of people having children when they are able to support them. Not a moment before.
I waited until my early 30s - Yield? One child. Only one.
What do I wish? That I had started earlier.
Having a first child in your 30s means that you may not have a second biological child.
If you are OK with that - fine.
Later born children tend to be boys. For many people.
I'm having my first at 41 and hoping to have another soon after. There are risks even in your 20's.
It's funny how in America the age (to get preggo) thing is that big a deal. Take a look at other countries, like all of Europe basically. Age is not even mentioned by OB GYNs.
Go with your heart, let the GYN figure out the rest. That's my advice.
It's a scientific fact that there are higher risks for mom and baby after age 36, and increasing with age. It isn't something Americans are hung up on for no reason. Your GYN can identify problems but she can't always fix them, so your advice is a little naive.
Actually, after 25, it is all downhill - when it comes to fertility. Sorru. But that's the facts.
I am in great favor of people having children when they are able to support them. Not a moment before.
I waited until my early 30s - Yield? One child. Only one.
What do I wish? That I had started earlier.
Having a first child in your 30s means that you may not have a second biological child.
If you are OK with that - fine.
Later born children tend to be boys. For many people.
I did start early - 26 to be exact. Had my one and only at 41.
When my daughter was a baby, I went out to buy some new skin care products. I had her with me and asking for advice on what to use since I was breaking out but still wanted products for mature skin.
I mentioned my age in passing - the salewoman was thrilled. It turned out that she was a few months older than me and started going on and on about how she knew that everyone else was wrong and how she was sure she'd find the right guy and get married, have a baby, etc. "age is just a number and all that" .....
I simply told her I had a lot of help and that if having a baby was imporatant to her she should really focus on that ASAP. I didn't mention that my daughter was a donor egg baby.
If she is still healthy and willing, then go for it!
At her age her chance of having a special needs child are around 2%, which is really not all that high.
Had my 4th at 43. Conceived naturally. Also was a girl after 3 boys so pretty exciting. I had the CVS test done early. Can't remember exactly now but maybe around 10 weeks. Much earlier than an amnio and it gave me much peace of mind. That baby is now 8 and brings us so much joy every single day. Life would not be quite the same without her. She does sometimes complain about having 3 teenage brothers!
I did start early - 26 to be exact. Had my one and only at 41.
When my daughter was a baby, I went out to buy some new skin care products. I had her with me and asking for advice on what to use since I was breaking out but still wanted products for mature skin.
I mentioned my age in passing - the salewoman was thrilled. It turned out that she was a few months older than me and started going on and on about how she knew that everyone else was wrong and how she was sure she'd find the right guy and get married, have a baby, etc. "age is just a number and all that" .....
I simply told her I had a lot of help and that if having a baby was imporatant to her she should really focus on that ASAP. I didn't mention that my daughter was a donor egg baby.
Mileage really varies.
I met my husband at 35. We got married on my 37th birthday. We started actively trying to conceive at a little past 37.5. Got pregnant about three weeks before I turned 38, after three months of trying. No fertility treatments or interventions, no special techniques of tracking fertility or ovulation, no complications. Just, the first three months we were trying, nothing happened, the fourth month, something did.
We went in with the knowledge that it could be a struggle or not happen at all. Not so, though. You really don't know how things will play out on an individual basis, and you can't necessarily dictate the timeline that things unfold for you. It's not always as simple as "Hey, get on that, ASAP." Not everyone has a partner, is in the right situation, has the appropriate resources at their command, etc. Sometimes, a particular hoped-for timeline falls into place, sometimes it's different than you thought.
Is it overall more likely to be harder to conceive as one ages? Obviously. But it happens.
We adopted our kids (then ages six and four) in 1998 when I was 44 and my husband was 41, and we are sorry we did. Not their fault at all, but with the "new morality", the Internet, and the all the new electronic gadgets, we were just too old-fashioned for their liking and they did not hesitate to let us know it! (We wanted family camping trips and board games, and this kind of lifestyle was just too boring for our kids.)
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