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So....long story short I met someone and he said the right things and I am now four months pregnant. I found out he did it intentionally in order to "keep" me.
I need advice. I recently left my home and my state to move across the country to live with him. My whole family and he said it was the right thing to do and what I had to do. He made lots of promises about the nice big house we wold live in and how great our lives would be.
It turns out, he has had three jobs in the month and a half we have been here, I think he is about to quit the third one too, after only a week! We are living with an older man that took him in when he was homeless and apparently this man even pays his car!
I don't know what is going on, but it is a weird dynamic. My boyfriend is verbally abusive and we fight three times a day. He calls me all sorts of names and just acts crazy. He always leaves and stays gone overnight. He says on me in any way he can. He is jealous and is always accusing me of being with other people. I think it is only a matter of time until things get worse.
I just got my tax refund and want to move back home. It has been six weeks. I called my job and they said they would rehire me.
My question is what do I say to him? Do I even tell him? The man we are living with feels very sorry for me and is encouraging me to just go. To go when the boyfriend isn't there. I tried to tell him I didn't want to be with him multiple times and he gets crazy and out of control and I'm scared.
Can I just leave this week? Just pack me and my previous child and leave and drive home? Can he stop me? Am I obligated to tell him anything? I don't really know what to do. I regret this whole relationship, I regret getting pregnant, and now I need to get free of him but he won't let me go.
I am a little confused by your timeline.
How long were you dating before you got pregnant?
How long were you dating before you moved with him across the country?
Was he verbally abusive and controlling before you moved across the country?
Why were your family so insistent that you move with him?
Was it because they knew that you & your BF were deeply in love?
Or, because they thought that he was a "wonderful man" who would make a great husband and father?
Or, because your family did not want to help support you & the baby (and basically kicked you out)?
It may help people give advice if they know how old you are and if you were living on your own and supporting yourself when you got pregnant.
What a fine mess. Get the hell out of there now. DON'T tell him. Just get the H out. I'm not going to advise you any further, since your life will now be a cluster*. Figure out the rest once you get home. Oh, and DON'T TELL HIM. Why do you even have to ask that?
Start getting your legal records together - driver's license, medical records, birth certificates (for you and your child), and so on. Put them in a bag you can grab quickly - if your boyfriend sees it and questions you, just tell him that's your fire-escape bag (I actually have a friend who had such a bag, and who DID grab it when the house next to hers caught fire).
Make sure you have any needed medicine, and adequate cash. Fill up your car - gas is very cheap right now. Start stashing cash. Make sure your child's favorite toy is on board. If you have a car, start putting a few things at a time into the trunk, unless your boyfriend uses your car or is likely to open the trunk. Put water bottles, snacks, a flashlight, pillows and a blanket and first-aid kit into your car, and get your car's tires, fluids, belts, lights, etc. checked out now. Check out the shortest drive home, and a couple of alternate routes, if you think he might pursue you physically. Check the weather forecast for where you are, where you are going, and the route along the way. Keep your cell phone fully charged.
Be ready to run at very short notice. Don't hesitate to call the police if you need to. Stay safe.
(BTW, I think you just may have also had something to do with getting pregnant, and can't see how he could have "done it intentionally" without some assistance from you. From now on, take responsibility for birth control yourself, especially if you don't want any more children. For the one on the way, once you get out of your current situation, please do see an OB asap, and meanwhile take good physical care of yourself).
Best wishes to you, and good luck with the get-away.
What a fine mess. Get the hell out of there now. DON'T tell him. Just get the H out. I'm not going to advise you any further, since your life will now be a cluster*. Figure out the rest once you get home. Oh, and DON'T TELL HIM. Why do you even have to ask that?
I reread your post and realized that your situation sounds far more dangerous than I originally perceived.
Yes, move out now, quickly and quietly. Do not tell your BF in advance that you are leaving. You will need to deal with the courts, child custody & child support sometime in the future but at least you will be in a safer environment.
Ok, thank you. I just saw an OB last week. I am 19 weeks. My previous child is 13. I have another post going about her too! Yes, a fine mess I have gotten myself into.
I know what I did was stupid, but I will be honest, because I won't get any good advice if I don't. How did he intentionally get me pregnant? He bought me Ovulation kits and said we could use them to tell when I was Ovulating so I wouldn't get pregnant.
The reason I think he did it on purpose is three. 1. He told his friend and his friend told me. 2. I see an old macbook post between him and his friend how he was going to come meet me and "put a baby in her" and 3. He slipped up and said something to the effect of doing it intentionally.
I will try to take good physical care of myself. I am so stressed out and run this right now it is hard to do. I am hoping I can leave this week or weekend. I have the money to get home now. Like I said, I called my old apartment, my old job, I can get back in them.
I am a little confused by your timeline.
How long were you dating before you got pregnant? Talked and texted for 6 weeks, met in person for two weeks, he moved out to live with me for a month and then I got pregnant.
How long were you dating before you moved with him across the country?after his crazy behavior I told him to leave. He did after a fuss for just under a month. Then my family pressured me into moving out to him.
Was he verbally abusive and controlling before you moved across the country? yes
Why were your family so insistent that you move with him?
Was it because they knew that you & your BF were deeply in love?
Or, because they thought that he was a "wonderful man" who would make a great husband and father?
Or, because your family did not want to help support you & the baby (and basically kicked you out)?Partly the last. I think they thought I was in love, but my mom helped us move and met him and then saw who he really was and told me to get out of there. Now she is changing her mind again. My family does that. My mom has issues with my previous boyfriend who WAS always nice to me and never yelled or fought with me. Maybe she doesn't want me to be happy because she isn't
It may help people give advice if they know how old you are and if you were living on your own and supporting yourself when you got pregnant.I was. I had a boyfriend that lived with me before I met this guy online.
What a fine mess. Get the hell out of there now. DON'T tell him. Just get the H out. I'm not going to advise you any further, since your life will now be a cluster*. Figure out the rest once you get home. Oh, and DON'T TELL HIM. Why do you even have to ask that?
Do exactly as steelstress says! This is who you need to contact, and they'll help you get out. http://www.thehotline.org/
Your daughter is one year younger than you were when you became pregnant with her. I am sure this is not lost on her.
You have since had at least 2 live in boyfriends. You looked for male attention on FB, like a young teen. You got pregnant because you chose not to take responsibility for the outcome of unprotected sex with a guy you didn't know well.
You took your daughter out of school and moved in with the bio dad of your second child. Then you realize he's unstable and borderline destitute and that dream of a nice house went up in smoke.
Now you want out and are positioned to flee into the night and return home. You expect your 13 year old to help and support you, the opposite of putting your daughter's best interests before your own.
Can't blame your daughter for not wanting to move again. She probably has fantasies that life with her bio dad will be better.
Can you afford another child? How will you pay for delivery? Down time? Child care? The next 18 years?
Does this baby deserve emotionally mature parents? Have you considered putting the baby up for adoption?
Will you consider seeking professional counseling for your daughter to help her learn how to cope with this mess? How about some counseling for yourself, too.
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