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Old 01-23-2017, 05:50 PM
 
Location: Type 0.7 Kardashev
10,577 posts, read 6,838,298 times
Reputation: 37337

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cdan5 View Post
So here's the story, slightly long winded but it's completely playing on my mind.
I had unprotected sex with a gorgeous friend of mine that I work with on December 4. This came after months of heavy flirting. She said she was on the pill. And she also has a boyfriend. (Yes I know I'm a dog and silly for being unprotected so you can keep those comments to a minimum)

In early January she told me she was about 10-11 weeks pregnant according to her HCG levels or whatever. So I am thinking oh yep, that's sad, cause that's the end of any chances of us. And that clearly and unknown to her she was pregnant when we had sex.

A week and a half later she had a scan, everything was looking good and was told she is actually earlier, with the size and all. About 8 weeks pregnant. She said to me yes it's a bit closer, but not mine.
This got my attention because I know 8 weeks is from the last period, and the 6 week ovulation mark was when we had sex. I alluded to the fact I wasn't fully convinced but left it at that as she **** me down.

A few days later she told me she was given an estimated due date of August 30. I put this into just about every conception date calculator I could find on the internet and it pretty much puts a bullseye on the time we had sex as the very likely conception date. Or as usual a few days either side.

This has really got me, because to me it is starting to look pretty obvious there is a very good chance it is mine.
When I have brought up the dates and just how close things are, even just to consider the possibility she gets angry with me and tells me to stop thinking it is. The thing is I'm not, I'm just wanting for her to see what I'm getting at and to see it's a possibility.
Because of the current situation we are now limiting contact between ourselves, and also so she can (quite rightly so) focus on the new life ahead.
It just upsets me that she won't consider or listen to any of what I'm saying needs to be considered.
I want her as a friend, so I don't want to really get her angry with me, it hurts a bit that I have to fade a bit to the background as it is.

She just seems so confident with whatever dates she says she is using that it can't be mine and just doesn't want to even discuss the possibility.

If we knew for sure I would be at ease either way.
Am I missing something here? Maybe she is petrified of bring this possibility up with her BF should it turn out mine?

Any help or advice would be good.
Here you go: Wear a flippin' condom!

Oh, and that 'she was gorgeous!' braggadocio? How is that relevant? It's not. But your fixation on bedding attractive women so you can tell others that you did so is why you're in this predicament, no? Food for thought.
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Old 01-23-2017, 06:00 PM
 
2,412 posts, read 1,182,335 times
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From an ego point of view I guess I can understand why you want to know if this child is yours (is that a guy thing?) but you don't mention at all what you would do about it if you were. No one seems to be mentioning marriage. Someone else mentioned that you would have to support the child if you are the father - but you had no comment on that. So why exactly is it you want to know? What changes in your own life do you imagine this kind of 'fatherhood' would bring about - and are you up to them?
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Old 01-23-2017, 06:08 PM
 
Location: Kansas
19,189 posts, read 14,091,698 times
Reputation: 18141
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post
I'm curious as to why she keeps telling you she is less further along than originally thought. If it was me and I was in her situation and wanted the BF to believe it was his and not the casual sexual encounter I had with a friend I wouldn't be saying anything.


I feel sorry for the baby. He/she will be brought into a world where the mother has no clue as to who the father is and the relationship with the BF is already not so good. In the end the baby pays the price for all this nonsense.
Excellent point. I would not want to encourage someone to believe something while at the same time telling them there was NO possibility of it.

Something else that confused me, and maybe I missed something, is that the woman claimed to be on the pill and not having had sex with her bf for awhile. If the bf does the math and she is telling the truth...... The math is definitely off here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aery11 View Post
From an ego point of view I guess I can understand why you want to know if this child is yours (is that a guy thing?) but you don't mention at all what you would do about it if you were. No one seems to be mentioning marriage. Someone else mentioned that you would have to support the child if you are the father - but you had no comment on that. So why exactly is it you want to know? What changes in your own life do you imagine this kind of 'fatherhood' would bring about - and are you up to them?
Maybe OP just wants to claim the child so that everyone will know he nailed the "gorgeous" one? I'm not sure anyone in this equation is ready for marriage, cheating gorgeous woman, bf not having sex for awhile with his gf, gf having one nighter with acquaintance lying about being on the pill most likely and willing to have unprotected sex...............

This is an unfortunate situation for the baby to come into.
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Old 01-25-2017, 10:58 AM
 
15 posts, read 14,861 times
Reputation: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnywhereElse View Post
Excellent point. I would not want to encourage someone to believe something while at the same time telling them there was NO possibility of it.

Something else that confused me, and maybe I missed something, is that the woman claimed to be on the pill and not having had sex with her bf for awhile. If the bf does the math and she is telling the truth...... The math is definitely off here.



Maybe OP just wants to claim the child so that everyone will know he nailed the "gorgeous" one? I'm not sure anyone in this equation is ready for marriage, cheating gorgeous woman, bf not having sex for awhile with his gf, gf having one nighter with acquaintance lying about being on the pill most likely and willing to have unprotected sex...............

This is an unfortunate situation for the baby to come into.
Ok so yeah gorgeous is probably the wrong use of the word. In regards to what would happen after if she was to come to me and tell me it was mine?.... well I guess that would need to be talked about. At the very least I would know, I won't be forever wondering. It won't be eating away at me. It's nothing about people knowing I was with her either. If it was to be kept quiet and we both go on living our lives so be it. But instead of this riding my mind because of the obvious uncertainty, I would know either way.
Even if she slept with her bf around the time, this is too close to call and we sinply don't know for sure.
Knowledge could be useful down the track for family medical history and the like.

I guess the fact she doesn't even acknowledge the possibility also gets to me. But then I know I'm also powerless here. I'm not gonna speculate publicly and ruin our friendship and her life
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Old 01-25-2017, 11:04 AM
 
15 posts, read 14,861 times
Reputation: 24
To me there is a difference between just simply no knowing about a one nighter and living life as per normal, compared to knowing that there is a clear possibility that someone close could be carrying your baby and you just don't know.

Oh and no doubt if it was mine but it was decided we both live our own lives, I would be seeking legal advice to protect me down the track.

Last edited by Cdan5; 01-25-2017 at 11:32 AM.. Reason: Forgot to add
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Old 01-25-2017, 11:10 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,872,955 times
Reputation: 61847
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cdan5 View Post
So here's the story, slightly long winded but it's completely playing on my mind.
I had unprotected sex with a gorgeous friend of mine that I work with on December 4. This came after months of heavy flirting. She said she was on the pill. And she also has a boyfriend. (Yes I know I'm a dog and silly for being unprotected so you can keep those comments to a minimum)

In early January she told me she was about 10-11 weeks pregnant according to her HCG levels or whatever. So I am thinking oh yep, that's sad, cause that's the end of any chances of us. And that clearly and unknown to her she was pregnant when we had sex.

A week and a half later she had a scan, everything was looking good and was told she is actually earlier, with the size and all. About 8 weeks pregnant. She said to me yes it's a bit closer, but not mine.
This got my attention because I know 8 weeks is from the last period, and the 6 week ovulation mark was when we had sex. I alluded to the fact I wasn't fully convinced but left it at that as she **** me down.

A few days later she told me she was given an estimated due date of August 30. I put this into just about every conception date calculator I could find on the internet and it pretty much puts a bullseye on the time we had sex as the very likely conception date. Or as usual a few days either side.

This has really got me, because to me it is starting to look pretty obvious there is a very good chance it is mine.
When I have brought up the dates and just how close things are, even just to consider the possibility she gets angry with me and tells me to stop thinking it is. The thing is I'm not, I'm just wanting for her to see what I'm getting at and to see it's a possibility.
Because of the current situation we are now limiting contact between ourselves, and also so she can (quite rightly so) focus on the new life ahead.
It just upsets me that she won't consider or listen to any of what I'm saying needs to be considered.
I want her as a friend, so I don't want to really get her angry with me, it hurts a bit that I have to fade a bit to the background as it is.

She just seems so confident with whatever dates she says she is using that it can't be mine and just doesn't want to even discuss the possibility.

If we knew for sure I would be at ease either way.
Am I missing something here? Maybe she is petrified of bring this possibility up with her BF should it turn out mine?

Any help or advice would be good.
Yes you are missing something, you are missing the more than one time she told you
*the child is not yours*.
Drop the topic, leave her alone and accept the fact that she does not want you to be the father of her child.
Also, leave the boyfriend out of it, it is not your place to discuss her womb with him.
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Old 01-25-2017, 02:20 PM
 
15,203 posts, read 16,066,291 times
Reputation: 25127
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cdan5 View Post
Ok so yeah gorgeous is probably the wrong use of the word. In regards to what would happen after if she was to come to me and tell me it was mine?.... well I guess that would need to be talked about. At the very least I would know, I won't be forever wondering. It won't be eating away at me. It's nothing about people knowing I was with her either. If it was to be kept quiet and we both go on living our lives so be it. But instead of this riding my mind because of the obvious uncertainty, I would know either way.
Even if she slept with her bf around the time, this is too close to call and we sinply don't know for sure.
Knowledge could be useful down the track for family medical history and the like.

I guess the fact she doesn't even acknowledge the possibility also gets to me. But then I know I'm also powerless here. I'm not gonna speculate publicly and ruin our friendship and her life
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cdan5 View Post
To me there is a difference between just simply no knowing about a one nighter and living life as per normal, compared to knowing that there is a clear possibility that someone close could be carrying your baby and you just don't know.

Oh and no doubt if it was mine but it was decided we both live our own lives, I would be seeking legal advice to protect me down the track.
You certainly aren't powerless. That's what paternity tests are for. If she marries her boyfriend before the child his born he will be presumed to be the father, but a paternity test can refute that.

If it were determined that you are the father of the child, you would be responsible for paying child support. Even if she didn't file to collect child support, if she ever went on public assistance she would have to name you as the father and you would be on the hook. You could most likely terminate your rights to the child if her husband wanted to adopt it.

There is more going on here than your seeking peace of mind. You should probably try to educate yourself about your rights and responsibilities in the event it is determined at some point that this child is yours.

And for God's sake, start using a condom.
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Old 02-02-2017, 11:19 AM
 
4 posts, read 3,091 times
Reputation: 14
The looks of the baby may say it all! She may be crazy scared if her BF and if you do not look nothing alike, and if the baby turns out to be yours, it may get chaotic! Did she show you some interests in you personally? Because I'm thinking that things may not be going well with her BF, and if the baby is yours, she may leave the guy and come to you! Have you ever thought about that, now?
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Old 02-02-2017, 04:04 PM
 
15 posts, read 14,861 times
Reputation: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Floeypooh View Post
The looks of the baby may say it all! She may be crazy scared if her BF and if you do not look nothing alike, and if the baby turns out to be yours, it may get chaotic! Did she show you some interests in you personally? Because I'm thinking that things may not be going well with her BF, and if the baby is yours, she may leave the guy and come to you! Have you ever thought about that, now?
Unfortunately her bf and me have similar features. So there likely won't be anything obvious for years.
Personally she did show a lot of interest and to be honest, if she didn't get pregnant there is a good chance she was going to leave him. I'm not saying straight to me, but with what her and her friends had said, and they know nothing of us. Chances are, with how we were getting with each other, we would've continued to explore our own relationship.
When she first found out she was pregnant, she once even asked me if I would date someone with a child. But now she is closed off and clearly trying to make things work with the bf. I'm back to just a friendly occasional aquatintance. In his defence, I hear he is a bit better now that she is pregnant.

Things would get chaotic but if I found out it was mine, My priority would be the baby, anything with her (she'll be a great mother and partner) would be secondary and we'd just have to see

Last edited by Cdan5; 02-02-2017 at 04:11 PM.. Reason: Additional comment
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Old 02-09-2017, 12:18 PM
 
215 posts, read 83,405 times
Reputation: 510
Of course I only have one side of this story, but it seems pretty likely the baby could be yours. Maybe deep down she knows you are the father (because you were the only one around that time) - or maybe she was also with her boyfriend, and/or someone else around the same time. Really the only way for you to know for sure is paternity test.

If I was the baby in this scenario, I would want to know who my biological father is.

She is probably pretty frightened. It could be yours, and she is lying about it because she is afraid you'll bail. Maybe she feels that the boyfriend would be a better father or provider? Maybe she feels like he would be more likely to stick around through it all? Or maybe she is just too frightened to tell him it's not his?

You certainly seem to care about her as a friend, but just how much does she mean to you? Having a baby and raising said child are HUGE life-changing events that you really can't prepare yourself for, no matter how much you try. If you really want to be involved as a father or partner, you need to communicate to her that you will commit 100%. And then do it.

Best wishes.
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