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Old 02-10-2017, 03:30 PM
 
Location: Watervliet, NY
3,690 posts, read 1,209,215 times
Reputation: 6629

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
Stay friendly with her and don't pressure her about anything at this point. After the baby is born, you can ask her to have a paternity test done and her boyfriend does not have to know about it. If she doesn't want to do that, you can always bring a lawsuit to compel a paternity test.
Ahhh.... yes he does need to know about it. Both of these guys (and any other ones she may have been fooling around with at the same time) deserve to know, if she plans on keeping the child, who the father is, for obviously legal means (child support) but also so they can be the proper father the child deserves to have. Plus the bf deserves to be able to decide whether or not he wants to stay with this cheating twit.
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Old 02-10-2017, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Watervliet, NY
3,690 posts, read 1,209,215 times
Reputation: 6629
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Yes you are missing something, you are missing the more than one time she told you
*the child is not yours*.
Drop the topic, leave her alone and accept the fact that she does not want you to be the father of her child.
Also, leave the boyfriend out of it, it is not your place to discuss her womb with him.
Yeah, until she changes her mind down the road, and decides to try to sue him for back child support.

Her bf also has the right to know whether or not the child is his, as well.

There's a word for women who have a kid but can't name without a shadow of a doubt who the father is.
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Old 02-22-2017, 11:10 AM
 
8,740 posts, read 8,963,859 times
Reputation: 12208
Unfortunately, the only way to know is a paternity test. You'll have to wait til the baby is born to ask. Of course, getting her to agree is a totally different problem. You'll need to ask her if she's willing to do this. If if comes back neg, you move on. If it comes back positive....well then you're in a pickle.


Of course, if she says no, well your other option is to get a lawyer, and petition for paternity which will force a paternity test. Of course, this will make waves...huge waves, but if it's your child and you want to be involved, it's what you will need to do. Expect to pay child support as well, and need to deal with this woman for the next 18 years. It may destroy her relationship with current bf, which she may blame you for.

Or..you walk away, she breaks up with bf, sues him for CS, and discovers he's not the dad after standard "get a paternity test" defense from his lawyer. Then she comes after you. Walking away from a child is not something that can be easily done, and can have drastic legal consequences if she chooses to press the screws to you later on in life. How far back a state can go for child support depends on the state and circumstances, but the reality that will bite you in the butt is that as of right now, you suspect the child is yours. The time to do something about that is now. 3-4 years from now, it won't look too good that you suspected the child was yours and chose to walk away. (being forced away isn't a defense...because you can always petition the court for the test)

This could play out a number of different ways, so you really need to make some decisions. I'd ultimately locate and speak to a lawyer, and get their advice vs a forum.




I've got some personal experience with a very similar situation.

Last edited by BostonMike7; 02-22-2017 at 11:18 AM..
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Old 02-22-2017, 11:30 AM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,710,247 times
Reputation: 40996
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cdan5 View Post
And she also has a boyfriend. (Yes I know I'm a dog and silly for being unprotected so you can keep those comments to a minimum)
...
Am I missing something here? Maybe she is petrified of bring this possibility up with her BF should it turn out mine?
Of course she is not going to tell him.

This could get interesting.
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Old 02-22-2017, 02:41 PM
 
258 posts, read 134,959 times
Reputation: 638
Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah View Post
You can use all the calculators in the world, but the fact is that you know nothing about her cycles. These can vary enormously from woman to woman. There is the "calculator" determination and the real world. If she was on the pill and forgot to take it a few times, enough to become pregnant, that would also throw things off.

Sure, be concerned, interested, etc. but don't leap to these assumptions based on a pregnancy calculator.

EXACTLY. My cycle has always been 3 weeks, so that makes my ovulation one week ahead. All of my babies came at least a week early.

And the pill/missing a pill definitely screws it up too.

I hate it when guys think they 'know' women!!! lol
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Old 02-22-2017, 10:54 PM
 
15 posts, read 14,875 times
Reputation: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Destiny74 View Post
EXACTLY. My cycle has always been 3 weeks, so that makes my ovulation one week ahead. All of my babies came at least a week early.

And the pill/missing a pill definitely screws it up too.

I hate it when guys think they 'know' women!!! lol

Ha yes, I'm not thinking I know women at all. If I did I wouldn't be on this forum! Lol
Anyway, you are right, all woman a different, I know that, and I was accepting at the start it definitely wasn't mine. The kicker was the due date. It's far, far too close to completely discount the possibility. Possibility is all I'm looking at here. Even if it is out by a few more days, or a week.
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Old 02-22-2017, 10:57 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,898,138 times
Reputation: 61848
Quote:
Originally Posted by ContraPagan View Post
Yeah, until she changes her mind down the road, and decides to try to sue him for back child support.

Her bf also has the right to know whether or not the child is his, as well.

There's a word for women who have a kid but can't name without a shadow of a doubt who the father is.
There is also a word for those who make *assumptions* about others as a general rule fact.......
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Old 02-23-2017, 07:09 PM
 
918 posts, read 276,649 times
Reputation: 1648
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cdan5 View Post
if she didn't get pregnant there is a good chance she was going to leave him. (she'll be a great mother and partner)
These are not the attributes of someone who'll make "a great partner".
Not only have I never cheated on a gf or wife, I've never knowingly had sex with another guys girl.
It doesn't matter how good the sex might be, one night of passion is not worth what you're now going through.

Sorry to be the one to tell you, but a cheater is a cheater. If they do it with you they'll do it to you.
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Old 02-23-2017, 10:24 PM
 
1,847 posts, read 972,676 times
Reputation: 4032
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cdan5 View Post
So here's the story, slightly long winded but it's completely playing on my mind.
I had unprotected sex with a gorgeous friend of mine that I work with on December 4. This came after months of heavy flirting. She said she was on the pill. And she also has a boyfriend. (Yes I know I'm a dog and silly for being unprotected so you can keep those comments to a minimum)

In early January she told me she was about 10-11 weeks pregnant according to her HCG levels or whatever. So I am thinking oh yep, that's sad, cause that's the end of any chances of us. And that clearly and unknown to her she was pregnant when we had sex.

A week and a half later she had a scan, everything was looking good and was told she is actually earlier, with the size and all. About 8 weeks pregnant. She said to me yes it's a bit closer, but not mine.
This got my attention because I know 8 weeks is from the last period, and the 6 week ovulation mark was when we had sex. I alluded to the fact I wasn't fully convinced but left it at that as she **** me down.

A few days later she told me she was given an estimated due date of August 30. I put this into just about every conception date calculator I could find on the internet and it pretty much puts a bullseye on the time we had sex as the very likely conception date. Or as usual a few days either side.

This has really got me, because to me it is starting to look pretty obvious there is a very good chance it is mine.
When I have brought up the dates and just how close things are, even just to consider the possibility she gets angry with me and tells me to stop thinking it is. The thing is I'm not, I'm just wanting for her to see what I'm getting at and to see it's a possibility.
Because of the current situation we are now limiting contact between ourselves, and also so she can (quite rightly so) focus on the new life ahead.
It just upsets me that she won't consider or listen to any of what I'm saying needs to be considered.
I want her as a friend, so I don't want to really get her angry with me, it hurts a bit that I have to fade a bit to the background as it is.

She just seems so confident with whatever dates she says she is using that it can't be mine and just doesn't want to even discuss the possibility.

If we knew for sure I would be at ease either way.
Am I missing something here? Maybe she is petrified of bring this possibility up with her BF should it turn out mine?

Any help or advice would be good.
Drop it. Let her and her BF have a baby and be happy about it.
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Old 02-24-2017, 07:24 AM
 
88 posts, read 42,025 times
Reputation: 306
Legion77 said it best. Cheater is a cheater. She might be getting mad at you for persuing it because you know about her boyfriend, paternity test might prove to be neither one of you....
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