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Old 05-12-2017, 06:33 PM
 
Location: Ohio
14,520 posts, read 12,881,520 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
You can where I live. I don't know about other jurisdictions, but I'm pretty sure you can.

Should he? I don't know. He risks breaking up the family and he also risks being obligated to pay child support for 18 years.

.......and having the baby's mother hate him for it for the rest of their lives.


He will forever be the guy who ruined "what could have been"....a happy life with the man she wanted to be with.


Even if their relationship wouldn't have lasted, if the OP interferes now he could always be blamed if they ever breakup.


So, he risks paying child support and co-parenting with a woman who hates him for the next 18 years.


Or......the baby turns out to be the BF's and the parents break up because the OP's actions exposed the woman's infidelity......denying the child parents that may have stayed together.


What a mess, no telling which way it could go.
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Old 05-13-2017, 11:44 AM
 
Location: Middle America
35,919 posts, read 40,262,433 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
I don't know if all jurisdictions have the same time limitations. What you posted doesn't seem quite fair, because the mother of a child with a presumed father could hide a child from the biological father until he was older than 5 so the man would never be able seek to have a paternity test done.
I suppose you can research it just as easily, and it does note that it's not universal.

It's just something I found at a cursory glance because I was curious what information was out there. I would imagine anybody this actually affects would do his due diligence.

Or, you know, ask randos on messageboards. Alternately.
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Old 05-13-2017, 11:36 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
10,857 posts, read 3,558,136 times
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SO OP, do you plan to get an order for paternity? I couldn't go through life knowing if I possibly had a child!!
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Old 05-14-2017, 02:04 PM
 
5,988 posts, read 3,215,749 times
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At this point there is very little you can do. After the baby is born, you can ask for a paternity test. This is assuming, BTW, that boyfriend and her are not going to get married. If he marries her, the baby is his no matter who the bio-dad is.

I personally could not have a man pay support for a child not his.
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Old 05-15-2017, 02:27 AM
 
15 posts, read 15,182 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CGab View Post
SO OP, do you plan to get an order for paternity? I couldn't go through life knowing if I possibly had a child!!
I don't plan on doing anything. It's hard, and somewhat sad, but I plan on just letting sleeping dogs lie. Yes I will never know for sure. At least not through any action of my own.

I think I just have to move on and learn from this lesson. I will be watching from a distance but won't be making any noise. She means a bit to me, even before all this happened so I don't want to rock the boat and upset her life and lose her friendship all together.

The possibility won't be forgotten though
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Old 05-17-2017, 09:32 PM
 
Location: Ohio
14,520 posts, read 12,881,520 times
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I think you are making the right decision.....putting the child first.


This way there is less chance of negatively disrupting the child's life.


If the mother and the BF stay together the child has a normal family unit.


If the mother and BF breakup, you can reassess the situation and approach her about paternity in a way that won't put you at a disadvantage and perhaps being welcomed as the real father in the future. {if you are}
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Old 05-18-2017, 11:53 AM
 
Location: Watervliet, NY
3,889 posts, read 1,333,499 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie53 View Post
.......and having the baby's mother hate him for it for the rest of their lives.


He will forever be the guy who ruined "what could have been"....a happy life with the man she wanted to be with.


Even if their relationship wouldn't have lasted, if the OP interferes now he could always be blamed if they ever breakup.


So, he risks paying child support and co-parenting with a woman who hates him for the next 18 years.


Or......the baby turns out to be the BF's and the parents break up because the OP's actions exposed the woman's infidelity......denying the child parents that may have stayed together.


What a mess, no telling which way it could go.
They both should have thought about those matters before jumping into bed with each other. What's done is done. The OP does, however, have the right to know so he can do the right thing and pay child support for the child if indeed he is the father.

If this woman's relationship breaks up over this, it is her own fault for sleeping around, not the OP's. If he was the one making the advances she should have been saying "no" to every single one of them.

Also, not only does the OP have the right to know, but so does the boyfriend. Some men do not like the idea of raising another man's child, or being duped into thinking a child is theirs when it isn't.
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Old 05-18-2017, 01:05 PM
 
3,488 posts, read 2,261,424 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
I don't know if all jurisdictions have the same time limitations. What you posted doesn't seem quite fair, because the mother of a child with a presumed father could hide a child from the biological father until he was older than 5 so the man would never be able seek to have a paternity test done.
If this were the case and the mother actively hid the child from the biological father and there was evidence to that effect, I'm guessing the statute of limitations would be tolled and not start to run until the bio father was aware, or could reasonably have found out about the child. It would depend on the case law in the relevant jurisdiction.
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Old 05-19-2017, 01:36 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale
950 posts, read 452,789 times
Reputation: 1722
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
My guess is that she would much rather have a baby with her long time BF than with someone who she had one night of unprotected sex.

At some point in the near future you will need to discuss this matter. It is probably too early to have a safe, paternity test. But, tell her that you would like one as soon as it is possible.

If you are the dad be prepared to step with up financial support, both now, as well as until the child turns 18 (or graduates from college- depending on your state laws).

Good luck.
Exactly. She wants to keep the other relationship going and is in denial about the possibility, which is highly probable. A paternity test is needed.

It reminds me of that one episode on "Two and a Half Men" when the divorced Alan hooks-up unexpectedly with his ex-wife when her new marriage reaches a low point and separation. They have spontaneous sex and she gets pregnant. The plot of the episode focuses on the high likelihood Alan is the father with the mother being in harsh denial and mentally "closed-off" after she reunites with her 2nd husband.

A lawyer can help sort this out. A dad has legal rights to see his child if he truly is the father.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPhWjSG_IfI
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Old 06-15-2017, 04:18 PM
 
15 posts, read 15,182 times
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I remember that episode! Oh well, I'll never know for sure, I'm kind of accepting of that. Like I've said, I will take an interest in what the wee boy looks like in the future though
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