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Old 02-09-2018, 02:20 PM
 
Location: In the Pearl of the Purchase, Ky
6,959 posts, read 12,375,199 times
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When I went through all this, it was when you had to get married. We lived with her parents for a few months then got an apartment. My 14 yr old brother in law threatened to kick my ass if I got her pregnant again. His dad reminded him I had to have a willing partner for me to get her pregnant.
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Old 02-09-2018, 02:36 PM
 
Location: From the Middle East of the USA
523 posts, read 505,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kygman View Post
When I went through all this, it was when you had to get married. We lived with her parents for a few months then got an apartment. My 14 yr old brother in law threatened to kick my ass if I got her pregnant again. His dad reminded him I had to have a willing partner for me to get her pregnant.
That's how the lot has fallen on so many young boys. The family takes over and runs their life! Then they watch you and make you feel low and helpless. I hope more men will read this conversation and share their experiences.

So many families try to mask the situation and hide their shame and embarrassment by taking it out on young people, especially teenagers.
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Old 02-10-2018, 06:54 AM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,209 posts, read 50,499,962 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hickoryfan View Post
kygman, we even met with the boy and his mother at our home! We told them that we were supporting our daughter and that we loved her, and even though it was a mistake, we don't want any hard feelings. He is only 16 years old and his mother is devastated!

I know this period can be tough for the "man" involved. We put him on notice, but at the same time told him and his mother that a new life is coming and entering the world and hopefully, we all can show love to the baby. They have not been supportive since our meeting. They even want a blood test as they don't believe he is the father. My daughter has repeatedly told us all this was her first time.
And they may never be. My sister got pregnant in high school. The 17-year-old boy denied it to his parents, who were very religious. They informed my parents that my sister was a *****. She was stupid in love, but not promiscuous. He was her first bf and had told her he was sterile, lol, as if a 17-year-old would know that.

My sister offered to keep in touch with his parents if they wanted to see their granddaughter, and they said no. She said it was their loss.

Anyway, she raised her daughter alone with the help of our family. The father went on to father four more children with three different women that he never took care of and dropped dead a couple of years ago from drugs.

It may all work out for the best if the other family chooses to remain in denial. Best wishes to your family.
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Old 02-10-2018, 07:00 AM
 
168 posts, read 62,337 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hickoryfan View Post
I am not happy with an untimely pregnancy, but my 17-year old daughter told us as soon as she pondered the thought of it, after missing her period. We have a great relationship, we are open and honest about most things, and we are fair and forgiving when we have to discipline our children.


She decided to tell us immediately about her situation because she believed she could run to us for support! What a joy! We did not have to wait for months. She did not have to torment herself with a false fear of rejection or disappointment.


To the parents out there. What was your experience when you found out? Why or why not did your son or daughter tell you early on?
I'll bite....

This happened to my sister but she had a boyfriend and they married. So all was well. Both are loving parents to each other and their son. She too told our Mom right up front, and myself but none of us made it about us. It immediately became about the baby's health and future. Not pats on the back due to her being open about it. No opportunity ceized to make it about my Mom and their relationship, she wouldn't do that. More pressing matters at hand now.

My mother didn't use the seriousness of the situation concerning a new life coming into the world to praise herself and her parenting skills. Her parenting skills never came into being learning how my sister royally screwed up and the manner in which it was revealed. It was nice Sis felt open to share it but it was clearly a side-note to this new life coming into the world. We would never compare her openness in sharing to others situations to gain mis-placed gratification about an unplanned pregnancy. It isn't about how others handle the same situation, its about the baby and what is best for that life.

We ended up getting a wonderful nephew born just 3 months after our son.

I don't know the circumstance between her and the baby's father. We were foster parents for years so know there are a ton of wonderful, two parent families waiting to adopt healthy babies. So babies have an opportunity not to be deprived of a father or mother, any loved one at all. A Royal screw up can turn into a gift and blessing for that infant and its adoptive parents. But this takes not self focusing ,but focusing on babies needs as #1 along with the circumstance at hand. And keeping our own needs out of the equasion. Good luck.

.

Last edited by DaddyLongLeg; 02-10-2018 at 07:33 AM..
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Old 02-10-2018, 02:58 PM
 
Location: From the Middle East of the USA
523 posts, read 505,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
And they may never be. My sister got pregnant in high school. The 17-year-old boy denied it to his parents, who were very religious. They informed my parents that my sister was a *****. She was stupid in love, but not promiscuous. He was her first bf and had told her he was sterile, lol, as if a 17-year-old would know that.

My sister offered to keep in touch with his parents if they wanted to see their granddaughter, and they said no. She said it was their loss.

Anyway, she raised her daughter alone with the help of our family. The father went on to father four more children with three different women that he never took care of and dropped dead a couple of years ago from drugs.

It may all work out for the best if the other family chooses to remain in denial. Best wishes to your family.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad to read of an account that mirrors our own. I'm proud of your sister as I know you are as well.
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Old 02-11-2018, 01:34 PM
 
3,325 posts, read 3,260,957 times
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Let them get a paternity test done. Better for everyone involved to know that he IS the child's father. But if the boy and his family prefer to walk away, it's probably for the best. She's not going to get child support from a 16 year old, and most 16 year old boys are total idiots, not worth much as a father at that age, anyway. If his family weren't jerks, they would have said something to the effect of, "We are ALL going to make sure this baby is loved and cared for, with 6 adults raising him, and we are all going to see that these two teens are going to be allowed to achieve their full potential. But for the sake of everyone involved, including the baby, we think it best that paternity be confirmed with a paternity test early on, so that there is never any question who the baby's father is." But if they're going to be jerks, claiming that it's impossibly that their son could have done such a thing, and that your daughter is at fault, and probably was sleeping around, and is trying to pin it on their innocent darling, you are then SO much better off with them out of your lives.

There is no reason that your daughter cannot go ahead and do everything that you had dreamed of for her. Have her get implanon (the three year implanted hormonal birth control) after the delivery, so that she doesn't have another unplanned pregnancy. Of course you're going to take care of the baby - it's your grandson, and she's still a child. If you're at all able to, let her complete high school, and even go off to college, if that's what's best for her. Encourage her to focus on getting ready for a career where she can get quickly trained and make a living for herself and her child - maybe nursing or some other allied medical field, the kind where you can get a two year degree and then a decent job with flexible shift work. In that respect, her dreams will be limited. If she had planned upon becoming an archaeologist or the like, that's gone. Time to be practical.

Hopefully, you and your family can manage the heavy lifting of caring for the baby until she is able to be independent. And he can know that he has many adults who love and care for him - including his father, and his father's family, if they come around and do the right thing quickly. She may very well meet the right man someday, marry, have more kids, and of course continue on to finish raising your first grandchild. It doesn't have to be the end of her education, or even a significant delay in her education.

Don't let shame or anger at her steal your pleasure in your first grandchild. Look at it this way - you didn't want her to get pregnant this young, and you're going to insist that for the foreseeable future, birth control is going to be "out of her hands", meaning something like Implanon. (This is the only thing that you must make non-negotiable, so that she doesn't have another "oops". Responsibility for contraception goes back into her hands when she is completely independent, and supporting her own child, on her own, out of your house, and only a welcome adult visitor with your grandson.) But this is still a joyous occasion. You're going to get to be grandparents earlier, when you still have youth and energy to enjoy him, and he's going to benefit tremendously from having grandparents involved and around, hopefully for his entire childhood and beyond.
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Old 02-15-2018, 05:25 PM
 
Location: Inland FL
1,003 posts, read 571,596 times
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There's nothing wrong with having babies as a teen as long as you're married and have the financial resources to raise the kids. It's better to have kids young. 17 isn't that big of a deal, she'll be 18 soon. Someone in my family became a father at 15 and he's done just fine as a dad. Lots of other family members have married and had kids at 16. It used to be the norm in the fifties.
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Old 02-16-2018, 06:05 PM
 
Location: New Yawk
8,652 posts, read 4,786,033 times
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Originally Posted by floridarebel View Post
There's nothing wrong with having babies as a teen as long as you're married and have the financial resources to raise the kids. It's better to have kids young. 17 isn't that big of a deal, she'll be 18 soon. Someone in my family became a father at 15 and he's done just fine as a dad. Lots of other family members have married and had kids at 16. It used to be the norm in the fifties.
No, it was not, unless of course you meant 1950 BC. In the 1950s (CE), the average age for marriage was 22 for males a 20 for females. And for good reason: teen marriage is directly linked with lower levels of education, and higher rates of poverty, poor education, and divorce, and a greater number of children.
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Old 02-16-2018, 08:10 PM
 
Location: Inland FL
1,003 posts, read 571,596 times
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Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete View Post
No, it was not, unless of course you meant 1950 BC. In the 1950s (CE), the average age for marriage was 22 for males a 20 for females. And for good reason: teen marriage is directly linked with lower levels of education, and higher rates of poverty, poor education, and divorce, and a greater number of children.
So most women then were married by 20 so yeah teen marriages were the norm especially down here in the south. I remember my grandma once told me she was one of the last of her friends to get married when she was 18 in the early 60s.
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Old 02-17-2018, 08:32 AM
 
Location: New Yawk
8,652 posts, read 4,786,033 times
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Originally Posted by floridarebel View Post
So most women then were married by 20so yeah teen marriages were the norm especially down here in the south. I remember my grandma once told me she was one of the last of her friends to get married when she was 18 in the early 60s.
No, the average was to be married AT 20, not BY 20. Big difference.
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