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Old 09-17-2017, 03:07 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,549 posts, read 42,724,437 times
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If I were 32 and had a good job, I would have the baby, and be grateful for it. Who knows if you will meet Mr. Right and ever have another pregnancy? If you were 22, my answer would be different.
You can hold the father legally responsible, or not, it's up to you. I'm definitely pro choice in some circumstances, but I'm telling you what I would do in your's.
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Old 09-18-2017, 08:26 AM
 
Location: Chicago
3,260 posts, read 4,507,084 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
You need to do some real soul searching regarding not only your financial preparedness to care for a child, but your emotional preparedness. I have a two-year old and a three-month old, and despite the facts that they were both 100% planned, 100% wanted, I have a fantastic, highly involved spouse with whom to coparent, and a rock solid grandparents/aunts/uncles support system in place, having children is a massive undertaking in new terms of emotional and energy reserves. You have to be prepared for that, as well.
This is how I feel. I only have one daughter and she's almost two. DH and I waited quite a while to decide to have a child. We both felt ready and wanted a baby. Our finances were/are in great shape. I knew having a child would mean a lot of sleepless nights, but I really underestimated how rough that was going to be on me emotionally. I am still not back to where I was pre-baby. I miss the child-free life all the time, even though I love my DD so much and she brings me joy everyday.

So, don't underestimate the emotional impact of a baby. I could not have handled it on my own. It would have destroyed me, honestly. If I didn't have family around to babysit, I don't know how I'd have gotten through the last 2 years. Kids are exhausting and change your life in ways you cannot anticipate.

I'm not saying abortion is the answer; adoption would be much more up my alley personally, but it's a huge decision. You CAN do it on your own, but it will be hard. You are no longer going to have free time. Things that are easy to do now won't be with a child. You can't get a night out with friends without planning it way in advance and lining up a babysitter. A small trip to the store has to be scheduled around naps and meals. It's just a huge change to your lifestyle.
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Old 09-18-2017, 08:48 AM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,676,345 times
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Originally Posted by Sollaces View Post
Typical of a guy in any relationship won't take responsibility and step up.
They both had unprotected sex. Why is he on the hook alone? She has the final say.

If she decides SHE can afford to keep the baby, then keep it. But don't expect the guy to help. If he wants to, great, but if he doesn't, and she can't afford the baby by herself, she can get an abortion.
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Old 09-18-2017, 08:49 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,549 posts, read 42,724,437 times
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Start forming a network of other women. Stop traveling and settle in one spot. Your hospital may even have some mom groups, or the library. Other mothers are just as lost and overwhelmed as you are right now. It goes with the territory. Everybody feels scared, it isn't just you. Try to get a job at a hospital that offers childcare.

Think quietly and calmly. Pretend you have just terminated the pregnancy and you were back to the same place you were before. How do you feel? Do you feel sorry or do you feel relieved?
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Old 09-18-2017, 09:11 AM
 
15,187 posts, read 16,044,725 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
They both had unprotected sex. Why is he on the hook alone? She has the final say.

If she decides SHE can afford to keep the baby, then keep it. But don't expect the guy to help. If he wants to, great, but if he doesn't, and she can't afford the baby by herself, she can get an abortion.
He's not on the hook alone, but he is on the hook. She can seek child support from him if she wants to. Everyone, male and female, knows that pregnancy can be an unintended consequence of sex. It's a risk you take when you have sex.
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Old 09-18-2017, 09:22 AM
 
Location: USA
13,346 posts, read 7,301,172 times
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Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
He's not on the hook alone, but he is on the hook. She can seek child support from him if she wants to. Everyone, male and female, knows that pregnancy can be an unintended consequence of sex. It's a risk you take when you have sex.

^^^^This. BOTH the woman, and the man are to blame, and both should be responsible. Use the legal system if you have to, and get the Man to take responsibility, and help support the child financially.
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Old 09-18-2017, 09:41 AM
 
Location: Watervliet, NY
3,656 posts, read 1,195,393 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
They both had unprotected sex.

Learn to read:

Quote:
and our first time of being intimate the condom came off and we didn't notice.
I had that happen to me once (I didn't get pregnant) and I didn't notice it either.
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Old 09-18-2017, 09:43 AM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,676,345 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
He's not on the hook alone, but he is on the hook. She can seek child support from him if she wants to. Everyone, male and female, knows that pregnancy can be an unintended consequence of sex. It's a risk you take when you have sex.
It is definitely a risk, but since I am the one with the final decision, I feel it is on me to make the appropriate choice. Which is why I gave my child up for adoption instead of having an abortion, because I knew I couldn't take care of the child alone.
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Old 09-19-2017, 08:33 AM
 
15,187 posts, read 16,044,725 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ContraPagan View Post
Learn to read:



I had that happen to me once (I didn't get pregnant) and I didn't notice it either.
I read that their BC failed. But everyone knows that's possible and it's a risk you take. I'm not judging anyone and I could have been in the OP's position in my younger dating years. But just because they used BC doesn't mean the man is, or should be, off the hook financially if the OP decides to have the baby.
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Old 09-19-2017, 08:36 AM
 
15,187 posts, read 16,044,725 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
It is definitely a risk, but since I am the one with the final decision, I feel it is on me to make the appropriate choice. Which is why I gave my child up for adoption instead of having an abortion, because I knew I couldn't take care of the child alone.
She gets to make the choice about having an abortion or bringing the child to term. But legally, the man has a say-so in whether to give the child up for adoption. If she doesn't tell him and doesn't name him on the birth certificate that's another story. But if she has the child and decides to raise it, and names him as the father, he becomes responsible for 18 years of child support in most jurisdictions.

Everyone knows where babies come from. If you have sex, you may become a parent.
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