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Old 11-29-2018, 11:41 PM
 
2,578 posts, read 4,585,799 times
Reputation: 6359

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Quote:
Originally Posted by STL74 View Post
While diabetes can certainly be a problem, there is absolutely nothing the back up the "just stop thinking about it". That's BS that just serves to minimize the actual MEDICAL reasons behind infertility and make women feel like it's their fault for bothering to care about it. It's stupid and pointless advice, especially from an OB. The stress of not getting pregnant does not cause one to not get pregnant. Fertility issues should be taken seriously, not brushed off as "you're too stressed".
My first husband and I tried to conceive for several years and I got so tired of the "just stop thinking about it" and "at least you're having fun trying!" remarks. There is nothing "fun" about tracking your cycles, taking your basal metabolic temperature, and having sex by the calendar, followed by month after month and year after year of disappointment. And then comments from my father like, "Babies are for people who don't have anything better to do."

After I'd already had about three invasive procedures that found nothing wrong with me, I had a cervical mucus exam and my doctor called me over to the microscope. "Here's your problem," he said. I took a peak, and what did I see? VERY few sperm, and those that were there were all deformed or unable to swim. So pretty much right then and there I knew it was never going to happen.

My ex had had a sperm count done about a year after we first started trying, and lied to me about the results. I didn't take too kindly to being lied to about it and having procedures that required me to be anesthetized and sedated, and being let down every month for two years after his test. I could have dealt with his infertility if he hadn't lied to me about it and made me feel like there was something wrong with me.

I got pregnant in three months with my second husband.

Please, don't ever make light of a couple's infertility problems. It's one of the most emotionally painful things you can go through.
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Old 11-30-2018, 08:15 AM
 
Location: Richardson, TX
10,803 posts, read 17,164,280 times
Reputation: 26922
The stupid and insensitive remarks friends and family will make are legion.

My personal favorite after yet another first trimester miscarriage — “at least you’re not losing real babies.”
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Old 11-30-2018, 08:23 AM
 
1,020 posts, read 467,770 times
Reputation: 2629
She is right to be concerned but if her fertility doctor is reassuring her, based on her own specific body and conditions, stressing out excessively about it without having a solid physical reason (like having suffered losses or been trying multiple months already) could be anxiety/depression symptoms she should be watching.

It’s a tough and emotional thing, but it sounds like you two have t started trying yet. Outside of maintaining a low sugar/low starch diet and continuing metformin, supplementing folate, and other health supportive measures, it doesn’t sound like you two should be highly concerned *yet*. I have many symptoms of PCOS (debatable whether to diagnose me over the years) and several of my children were conceived at higher BMIs with no big issue. It’s not an automatic problem for women, even those suffering with various androgen imbalance symptoms. But right now she is doing what she can and I hope she finds reassurance while you are actively trying.

If you’ve already been trying without success for several years and I misread I apologize!
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Old 11-30-2018, 03:06 PM
 
2,138 posts, read 1,427,579 times
Reputation: 2707
Quote:
Originally Posted by ukiyo-e View Post
My first husband and I tried to conceive for several years and I got so tired of the "just stop thinking about it" and "at least you're having fun trying!" remarks. There is nothing "fun" about tracking your cycles, taking your basal metabolic temperature, and having sex by the calendar, followed by month after month and year after year of disappointment. And then comments from my father like, "Babies are for people who don't have anything better to do."

After I'd already had about three invasive procedures that found nothing wrong with me, I had a cervical mucus exam and my doctor called me over to the microscope. "Here's your problem," he said. I took a peak, and what did I see? VERY few sperm, and those that were there were all deformed or unable to swim. So pretty much right then and there I knew it was never going to happen.

My ex had had a sperm count done about a year after we first started trying, and lied to me about the results. I didn't take too kindly to being lied to about it and having procedures that required me to be anesthetized and sedated, and being let down every month for two years after his test. I could have dealt with his infertility if he hadn't lied to me about it and made me feel like there was something wrong with me.

I got pregnant in three months with my second husband.

Please, don't ever make light of a couple's infertility problems. It's one of the most emotionally painful things you can go through.
Did the doctor not share the results with both of you? Did your ex go to do the test on his own? I would have been so angry if I had to go thru all the testing like you did because my husband lied to me. we are just starting our fertility testing & I am coordinating everything because my husband things it will happen when its meant to be, we don't need a doctor for this. Before our first consultation with specialist, my OBGYN gave prescription for hormone test for me and sperm test for hubby. We had both test done and went to doctor together when we got our results.
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Old 12-03-2018, 12:55 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
4,462 posts, read 2,020,389 times
Reputation: 15322
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12 View Post

Are her worries warranted, or is it still very possible she'll be able to get pregnant?
It is still very possible for her to get pregnant. I think she is scared because ... *IT'S TIME* ... & she's afraid to fail.

Before there was still work to do: Weight, health concerns, etc ... Being healthy enough to get pregnant was the goal. That goal has now been met. Now, this is the real deal; it's time to get pregnant. Having a baby is the goal.

The former goal was more tangible for her. She could actively control her actions & the results & she doesn't have that kind of control anymore. In other words; her worries are warranted because the possibility of getting pregnant is a possibility. Possibly will, also means possibly will not.

I think she was less worried about the former goal of getting healthy because it was an "It will happen if you work hard enough" type of goal. Now, so much is out of her hands.
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Old 12-03-2018, 02:38 PM
 
Location: Richardson, TX
10,803 posts, read 17,164,280 times
Reputation: 26922
Quote:
Originally Posted by coschristi View Post
It is still very possible for her to get pregnant. I think she is scared because ... *IT'S TIME* ... & she's afraid to fail.

Before there was still work to do: Weight, health concerns, etc ... Being healthy enough to get pregnant was the goal. That goal has now been met. Now, this is the real deal; it's time to get pregnant. Having a baby is the goal.

The former goal was more tangible for her. She could actively control her actions & the results & she doesn't have that kind of control anymore. In other words; her worries are warranted because the possibility of getting pregnant is a possibility. Possibly will, also means possibly will not.

I think she was less worried about the former goal of getting healthy because it was an "It will happen if you work hard enough" type of goal. Now, so much is out of her hands.
Miscarriage and recurrent miscarriage, such as I have experienced, is a valid fear to have with PCOS.

Unfortunately, all you can do is stay strong and have a lot of hope, and possibly try several times. Well, and stay on your metformin and see your endocrinologist regularly.
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Old Today, 02:40 PM
 
123 posts, read 26,595 times
Reputation: 176
I have PCOS. We didn't start trying until I was 36. I had also lost around 30 pounds prior to TTC. I had read up on what would increase my odds with PCOS. I went off the pill (this was primarily for regulation, not birth control), made an appointment with a fertility specialist, then starting using ovulation predictors. When I got a positive for ovulation, we went for it. By the time we went to the fertility doctor the following month, I was already pregnant but didn't know yet.

Per the fertility doc, I just happened to do everything right. Losing weight increased my chances, as did going off the pill when I did. The doctor said that with younger PCOS patients, they often try having them go off for a few months, then go back on if pregnancy doesn't occur right away, then back off after a couple months. Your chances of conceiving are better right after you go off the pill. Ovulation predictors are also really helpful with PCOS because we don't ovulate regularly.

After my daughter was born, I didn't go back on the pill right away, because I figured I wasn't in danger of any accidents. Now I have two daughters, a year and 9 days apart. Often times with fertility challenges, having one successful pregnancy is like a factory reboot for your reproductive system.

Tell your wife to try to be optimistic and go for it. It can happen more easily than you think, even with PCOS.

Good luck to you two!
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