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Old 04-25-2008, 03:26 PM
 
Location: South
303 posts, read 758,862 times
Reputation: 161
Default Women who have miscarried

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post this on or not but... My question is for any women who have miscarried. I have been recently (this week) going through this and am looking for ways to help. Because it was an unplanned pregnancy it seems most family members and friends seem to think I am going through this painless for some reason and assume it is just for the better. Regardless it still hurts more than I ever could have imagined. To any other women who have been through this what helped you? It would be much appreciated.
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Old 04-25-2008, 04:09 PM
 
6,694 posts, read 8,665,222 times
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Just time. It is an awful experience, but I was lucky to get pregnant soon after.
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Old 04-25-2008, 04:20 PM
 
Location: Chicago's burbs
1,013 posts, read 3,069,469 times
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Shihtzumom, I'm so sorry about your loss. I had an early miscarriage back in Dec., right before Christmas. I was really excited to be pregnant and have a sibling for my 2-year-old, and also my sister-in-law and my two best friends were both pregnant so the prospect of having a baby the same age as their babies was exciting. It all happened very quickly for me, I took 2 home tests which came out positive. I then made an appointment with my OB/GYN which confirmed the pregnancy. I was excited and told everyone. Then, about 2 days later I woke up with menstrual like bleeding. I went to the ER, they did an ultrasound, pelvic exam, and tested my hormone levels. I was told by the ER doc that the only way to know if I miscarried was to wait a week and test my hormone levels again to see if they had gone up, which meant I was still pregnant or down, which meant I lost it. (The pregnancy was too early to show on the ultrasound.) So I had to agonize over this for a week before I went back for more blood work which confirmed that my pregnancy hormone levels had in fact dropped down to almost nothing. It was really painful because even though it happened so early on, I had started thinking of baby names and imaging life with this new baby, etc. It also was painful because I told EVERYONE, so then I had to go back and tell everyone, just kidding, no baby. I laid in bed for several days and didn't feel like doing anything (luckily this was during the holidays so my hubby was home to help with our son). I skipped the family Christmas party because I just didn't feel like talking about it or seeing anyone. Just this past weekend, 4 months later, I saw my husband's grandmother who we rarely see and she made a comment about the new baby so I had to tell her there was no new baby right now, which was a bit awkward. (Apparently no one told her.) But know that it does get better. There was really nothing specific that helped me, just letting myself be sad, and each day I started to feel a little bit better. I was surprised how much it hurt, it's one of those situations where you don't fully understand what it feels like until you go through it. But keep your head up, things will get better, I promise.
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Old 04-25-2008, 05:35 PM
 
Location: Big skies....woohoo
12,357 posts, read 1,852,093 times
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It will get better...so many people don't know what to say so they avoid you. They may act like it's nothing...it is. Just take it one day at a time..
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Old 04-25-2008, 08:49 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
421 posts, read 901,097 times
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First let me say, I'm very sorry for your loss, planned or unplanned it's a terrible loss and you have every right to your feelings and they are absolutely not painless.
I had a miscarriage from an unplanned pregnancy in Aug. 2005 but let me tell you that it wasn't "normal", my baby died in utero and they had to perform a DNC to remove it. Without going into details, which would be very long and hard for me to write about.
With time you will get through it. Anyone who is close to you that you feel comfortable with, tell them what you are feeling, that even if it doesn't make sense, you hurt, you are miserable and you need support.
I had to do the same thing, nobody quite know what to say because it was unplanned/unexpected but I had to voice how I felt and that I hurt and that the loss was greater than anything I'd ever felt before. Almost 3 years later and it still hurts but I'm no longer "disabled" by it and one day, you won't either.
I promise.
Good luck to you and remember you will get through this.
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Old 04-25-2008, 08:52 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 16,445,072 times
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Time and patience is all you can ask for when you need to heal.

I have had several miscarriages and people never know what to say, and truthfully, I am not sure I know what they could have said to make it better.

Give yourself some good rest and try to keep your thoughts positive. God bless.
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Old 04-25-2008, 10:57 PM
 
Location: In a delirium
2,588 posts, read 3,577,422 times
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Hi.

First, I'm really sorry for your loss and not receiving the support you want and need.

It was just time that did it for me. It was an unplanned pregnancy, too. The worst was telling friends I had told that I was pregnant that I wasn't anymore. While everyone expressed their sympathies, I faced pretty much the same thing you did. Even my husband didn't get it. My mom thought it would be helpful to point out that I was fortunate in that I could get pregnant. While true, it wasn't what I wanted to hear. I just recall the anguish and not understanding why that baby couldn't make it, feeling that that baby deserved life, too. Didn't seem like anyone else really understood that and I guess it's because it wasn't them.

And, I was lucky and it did turn out that I get pregnant easily. I have 2 daughters and I can't imagine not having them. From the other side of the miscarriage, I got to thinking that my poor baby wasn't ready for life yet, and allowed my oldest to come along. I just hope that the future brings that to you, too. But, that's then. Right now, just grieve. You're entitled. The first week is horrible. So is the second. It gets easier, but everyone expects you to move on far more quickly than you're ready.

I believe there are support groups through babycenter.com. There are probably other sites, too, but this is the major one I hung out on back in the day.

Best wishes!
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Old 04-26-2008, 05:00 AM
 
1,363 posts, read 4,038,928 times
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I miscarried my first pregnancy on my birthday. A supportive partner, time, and allowing yourself to grieve is what will help. It is a terrible loss to feel, and well meaning people often say the wrong things. I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.
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Old 04-26-2008, 12:42 PM
 
Location: South
303 posts, read 758,862 times
Reputation: 161
Thank you to everyone for your responses. I'm sure time will help but of coarse now it seems so far off. I know it is still soon so I'm sure this is "normal". I can't help but think I did something wrong. Coulda, woulda shoulda stuff. The whole situation seems to have caused several problems/issues. My family hated the father and his family and visa versa. It appears we are no longer together. And because I was initially not thrilled his family is accusing me of terminating the pregnancy. That really hurts. Ugh...
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Old 04-26-2008, 12:48 PM
 
Location: coos bay oregon
2,096 posts, read 5,781,923 times
Reputation: 1188
Oh boy...Im so sorry... Losing a baby, no matter how far along you are, is a terrible hurt. I went thru numerous ones, from only a few short weeks along, up to one where I was 4months along. And they all broke my heart.
My advice, take time to mourn your baby. Some well meaning people will try say it wasnt really a baby yet, but your heart knows. This isnt something you will get over and be done with, ever really. It will hurt less as time goes by, and eventually, you wont think of this but every once inawhile and it wont be such a rip in your heart, it'll be down to a fleeting ache.
Let yourself cry as you need. But if it goes on for months and months and months, and you cant pull out of dispair, you might want to talk to your dr.
I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you a virtual hug.
Tiffany
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