U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Pregnancy
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
Old 04-25-2008, 04:26 PM
Location: South
303 posts, read 1,132,188 times
Reputation: 172


I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post this on or not but... My question is for any women who have miscarried. I have been recently (this week) going through this and am looking for ways to help. Because it was an unplanned pregnancy it seems most family members and friends seem to think I am going through this painless for some reason and assume it is just for the better. Regardless it still hurts more than I ever could have imagined. To any other women who have been through this what helped you? It would be much appreciated.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Old 04-25-2008, 05:09 PM
Location: Dallas TX
13,453 posts, read 18,702,326 times
Reputation: 17628
Just time. It is an awful experience, but I was lucky to get pregnant soon after.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-25-2008, 05:20 PM
Location: Chicago's burbs
1,013 posts, read 3,937,393 times
Reputation: 903
Shihtzumom, I'm so sorry about your loss. I had an early miscarriage back in Dec., right before Christmas. I was really excited to be pregnant and have a sibling for my 2-year-old, and also my sister-in-law and my two best friends were both pregnant so the prospect of having a baby the same age as their babies was exciting. It all happened very quickly for me, I took 2 home tests which came out positive. I then made an appointment with my OB/GYN which confirmed the pregnancy. I was excited and told everyone. Then, about 2 days later I woke up with menstrual like bleeding. I went to the ER, they did an ultrasound, pelvic exam, and tested my hormone levels. I was told by the ER doc that the only way to know if I miscarried was to wait a week and test my hormone levels again to see if they had gone up, which meant I was still pregnant or down, which meant I lost it. (The pregnancy was too early to show on the ultrasound.) So I had to agonize over this for a week before I went back for more blood work which confirmed that my pregnancy hormone levels had in fact dropped down to almost nothing. It was really painful because even though it happened so early on, I had started thinking of baby names and imaging life with this new baby, etc. It also was painful because I told EVERYONE, so then I had to go back and tell everyone, just kidding, no baby. I laid in bed for several days and didn't feel like doing anything (luckily this was during the holidays so my hubby was home to help with our son). I skipped the family Christmas party because I just didn't feel like talking about it or seeing anyone. Just this past weekend, 4 months later, I saw my husband's grandmother who we rarely see and she made a comment about the new baby so I had to tell her there was no new baby right now, which was a bit awkward. (Apparently no one told her.) But know that it does get better. There was really nothing specific that helped me, just letting myself be sad, and each day I started to feel a little bit better. I was surprised how much it hurt, it's one of those situations where you don't fully understand what it feels like until you go through it. But keep your head up, things will get better, I promise.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-25-2008, 06:35 PM
Location: Big skies....woohoo
12,421 posts, read 2,672,642 times
Reputation: 2180
It will get better...so many people don't know what to say so they avoid you. They may act like it's nothing...it is. Just take it one day at a time..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-25-2008, 09:49 PM
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
421 posts, read 1,167,253 times
Reputation: 115
First let me say, I'm very sorry for your loss, planned or unplanned it's a terrible loss and you have every right to your feelings and they are absolutely not painless.
I had a miscarriage from an unplanned pregnancy in Aug. 2005 but let me tell you that it wasn't "normal", my baby died in utero and they had to perform a DNC to remove it. Without going into details, which would be very long and hard for me to write about.
With time you will get through it. Anyone who is close to you that you feel comfortable with, tell them what you are feeling, that even if it doesn't make sense, you hurt, you are miserable and you need support.
I had to do the same thing, nobody quite know what to say because it was unplanned/unexpected but I had to voice how I felt and that I hurt and that the loss was greater than anything I'd ever felt before. Almost 3 years later and it still hurts but I'm no longer "disabled" by it and one day, you won't either.
I promise.
Good luck to you and remember you will get through this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-25-2008, 09:52 PM
13,779 posts, read 22,282,422 times
Reputation: 7360
Time and patience is all you can ask for when you need to heal.

I have had several miscarriages and people never know what to say, and truthfully, I am not sure I know what they could have said to make it better.

Give yourself some good rest and try to keep your thoughts positive. God bless.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-25-2008, 11:57 PM
Location: In a delirium
2,588 posts, read 4,684,497 times
Reputation: 1374

First, I'm really sorry for your loss and not receiving the support you want and need.

It was just time that did it for me. It was an unplanned pregnancy, too. The worst was telling friends I had told that I was pregnant that I wasn't anymore. While everyone expressed their sympathies, I faced pretty much the same thing you did. Even my husband didn't get it. My mom thought it would be helpful to point out that I was fortunate in that I could get pregnant. While true, it wasn't what I wanted to hear. I just recall the anguish and not understanding why that baby couldn't make it, feeling that that baby deserved life, too. Didn't seem like anyone else really understood that and I guess it's because it wasn't them.

And, I was lucky and it did turn out that I get pregnant easily. I have 2 daughters and I can't imagine not having them. From the other side of the miscarriage, I got to thinking that my poor baby wasn't ready for life yet, and allowed my oldest to come along. I just hope that the future brings that to you, too. But, that's then. Right now, just grieve. You're entitled. The first week is horrible. So is the second. It gets easier, but everyone expects you to move on far more quickly than you're ready.

I believe there are support groups through babycenter.com. There are probably other sites, too, but this is the major one I hung out on back in the day.

Best wishes!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-26-2008, 06:00 AM
1,363 posts, read 5,174,885 times
Reputation: 845
I miscarried my first pregnancy on my birthday. A supportive partner, time, and allowing yourself to grieve is what will help. It is a terrible loss to feel, and well meaning people often say the wrong things. I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-26-2008, 01:42 PM
Location: South
303 posts, read 1,132,188 times
Reputation: 172
Thank you to everyone for your responses. I'm sure time will help but of coarse now it seems so far off. I know it is still soon so I'm sure this is "normal". I can't help but think I did something wrong. Coulda, woulda shoulda stuff. The whole situation seems to have caused several problems/issues. My family hated the father and his family and visa versa. It appears we are no longer together. And because I was initially not thrilled his family is accusing me of terminating the pregnancy. That really hurts. Ugh...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-26-2008, 01:48 PM
Location: coos bay oregon
2,096 posts, read 7,745,056 times
Reputation: 1257
Oh boy...Im so sorry... Losing a baby, no matter how far along you are, is a terrible hurt. I went thru numerous ones, from only a few short weeks along, up to one where I was 4months along. And they all broke my heart.
My advice, take time to mourn your baby. Some well meaning people will try say it wasnt really a baby yet, but your heart knows. This isnt something you will get over and be done with, ever really. It will hurt less as time goes by, and eventually, you wont think of this but every once inawhile and it wont be such a rip in your heart, it'll be down to a fleeting ache.
Let yourself cry as you need. But if it goes on for months and months and months, and you cant pull out of dispair, you might want to talk to your dr.
I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you a virtual hug.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.

Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Pregnancy

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2017, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 - Top