Puffle I am so sorry for your loss. i know it was a long time ago but it still affects you deeply.
I also suffered a miscarriage around the 13th week and was told the baby was dead for a couple of weeks. I was scheduled for a d&c at the end of the week, as the midwife wanted to give my body a chance to "expel" the fetus on its own.
After two days, I started hemorrhaging. Not regular bleeding, but massive amounts of blood. At the time I lived in Brooklyn and the hospital we were using was 45 minutes away with traffic. I was terrified (between the bleeding and my husband's driving) and passing out by the time we got there. I remember thinking, when my husband ran into the hospital to get help, "Am I freaking dying here????" Anwyay, i had the d&c.
I will say that at some point, I stopped thinking about the baby and started thinking about myself and my son that was at home and him not having a mommy anymore.
Afterward, I tried to keep it in perspective. I already had one healthy child and there was no reason to think I couldn't have another. My sister in law had, about 3 years before, suffered through giving birth to a dead baby when she was 5 months along in the pregnancy. They saw the baby, and said it looked just like a newborn but tiny, even had eyelashes. I think that helped me in my situation to consider myself lucky that it happened as early as it did.
I also had a very strong religious faith. I looked at it like for some reason God didn't want me to have that baby. For whatever reason, it just wasn't in the "Plan"
I will say that two years later, when pregnant for my third time, that I started bleeding again, in the 4th month or so. I called the Dr. office, and the dr. I spoke to told me "it sounds like you are having a miscarriage....." I will say that I was absolutely heartbroken and depressed, and scared that maybe I wouldn't
be able to have any more kids. I was supposed to be going to a hall and preparing for my cousin's Engagement party. It was a happy day and I had this terrible thing going on. My mom gave me hope and said that I might not be having a miscarriage. Just rest and see what happened. It turns out I did not have a miscarriage, but I was bleeding on and off for four more months with no explanation. I was at the Dr. office twice a week practically to make sure the baby was still alive. Once the nurse couldn't find the heartbeat and had to get someone else. In the end, I had a perfectly beautiful baby girl.
I don't normally share these stories, but I do now for a few reasons:
1.) they never told me I might hemorrhage. She said "if you start bleeding come in" I asked her how much; she only said "heavier than your heaviest period" I was in no way prepared for what happened and I was more terrified than necessary IMO
2.) when I started to bleed the next pregnancy I thought it was over, and the Dr. told me over the phone I was having a miscarriage. I had no idea i might not and it was extra stressful for no reason.
3.) we have to keep things in perspective. Although it is terrible to lose any pregnancy, I have dealt with most things in life as they could always be worse. I have another sister in law and a cousin that both delivered full term, dead babies, plus the other one that lost hers at 5 months. This helped me in my time of need.
I hope this might help someone else.
Puffle, I feel this may be harder for you as you did not have anymore children after your miscarriage and you wanted more. So you feel the loss more acutely, as if someone from your family is missing. I am so sorry it happened to you but maybe you will find comfort in sharing your experience and story with other women, and hearing their stories.