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Old 02-15-2010, 05:58 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 24,818,126 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
AC - that's not where she's coming from though....Typically here, a baby shower is 10-20 close women friends who get together for lunch or tea, play some silly games and "shower" the mom to be with gifts. Typically the gifts are not extravagant unless they are from relatives or if several guests go together on one larger gift.
Mea culpa, I didn't know of the women only part

But, technically, they still bring gifts. So, effectively, they're gonna get some gifts and don't expect to be treated in return, for that's the true notion of the shower. They take gifts, and the hosts don't do a lot except host. But I don't think it cuts it that way anymore. You're still gonna have to provide and pay for treating your guests. They'll be pretty pissed off if the hosts were to say, ok, thanks for the gifts but no food/refreshments/coffee

So, it costs money. And the hotels will be more than happy to milk that money out of the hosts.
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Old 02-15-2010, 06:03 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,170 posts, read 22,256,917 times
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Of course food and beverages are to be provided but it doesn't have to be extravagant or even in a hotel type setting. Many showers are in people's homes and just serve cake and coffee....Or a salad for a light lunch followed by cake. Guests do not typically expect to be "treated" too much, they are friends and relatives of the honoree and are happy to provide a small gift. Gifts do not have to be much. I've been to showers where gifts range from a package of diapers to a fancy/expensive multipurpose stroller. People don't expect you to give more than you are able or, if you are the hosts, to host more than you are able....this is truly one of those times when "it's the thought that counts"
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Old 02-15-2010, 06:15 PM
 
Location: here
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post
It always does. Treating even a little crowd of 50 in a shanty double tree hotel is like 5000 dollars
But I can tell where the OP comes from. Traditionally, baby showers are power shows, where people go in and suck up to the Dad or the Mom. They're still big in the East. When me and brother were born, there were festivities for several days. The whole parade of having a band, music, slaughtering animals and feeding a crowd. It's still the norm back in my home. And you're never short of freeloaders too.
Traditionally, relatives pour in with countless gifts and money cheques. But the world has changed. And I don't think friends in this part of the world will show up with generous gifts. They're gonna attend like attending a wedding. Pick a walmart item, swing by, kiss the kiddo and run for their cars. What comes later is a fat bill
I've never been to a shower like you describe! A few friends and relatives served cake and punch at someone's house is totally acceptable. people bring gifts from registries at Target or Babies R Us.
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Old 02-15-2010, 08:45 PM
 
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What's wrong with hosting the shower at a local restaurant for brunch or lunch, guests order what they want and pay for their own food, and the hosts pay for the guest of honor?

There are no rules that a host of the shower pay for all guests at a restaurant.

= A great time had by all.

My sister just attended a baby shower for one of her nieces at a restaurant. Each guest ordered off the menu for lunch and paid for their own plates. Of course the guest of honor was taken care of by the hosts; two of her aunts.
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Old 02-15-2010, 09:57 PM
 
10,630 posts, read 22,868,474 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
I've never been to a shower like you describe! A few friends and relatives served cake and punch at someone's house is totally acceptable. people bring gifts from registries at Target or Babies R Us.
That's been the norm everywhere I've lived, too, and I've been to showers in a variety of locations across the country (and given by people of different ages and with different income levels). I didn't get the impression that that was the situation with the OP at all; I think it was purely the fact that the number of people has grown that has led them to consider a restaurant.

And NoExcuses: there are rules, etiquette rules, that say that the host of a shower does pick up the tab at a restaurant. Maybe in a few social circles that's not the case, but that's not the norm. I think the OP would be best to stay away from that. Better to take one of the suggestions and either divide it into several smaller showers (she doesn't have to host all of them), do it at a cheap rental place, or find some other alternative. Often people do have several showers: maybe work, friends, his family, her family, etc.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:15 PM
 
Location: here
24,532 posts, read 28,942,475 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
What's wrong with hosting the shower at a local restaurant for brunch or lunch, guests order what they want and pay for their own food, and the hosts pay for the guest of honor?

There are no rules that a host of the shower pay for all guests at a restaurant.

= A great time had by all.

My sister just attended a baby shower for one of her nieces at a restaurant. Each guest ordered off the menu for lunch and paid for their own plates. Of course the guest of honor was taken care of by the hosts; two of her aunts.
I would say that's ok for a work shower (either potluck or bring your own lunch) to the conference room at the office, but not for a friends and family baby shower. That's bad etiquette.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:22 PM
 
11,621 posts, read 19,830,315 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
What's wrong with hosting the shower at a local restaurant for brunch or lunch, guests order what they want and pay for their own food, and the hosts pay for the guest of honor?

There are no rules that a host of the shower pay for all guests at a restaurant.

= A great time had by all.

My sister just attended a baby shower for one of her nieces at a restaurant. Each guest ordered off the menu for lunch and paid for their own plates. Of course the guest of honor was taken care of by the hosts; two of her aunts.
Well the word HOST means you provide food and drinks. You should never invite someone to a party and expect them to pay for their own food. However, you do not need to provide food that is more expensive than you can afford. If you can't afford anything then you should not host a party.

A rented room at a park, church, community center, are all reasonably priced places to have a baby shower. The host does not need to provide a fancy meal but there should be some food/drinks provided by the hosts.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:56 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,443,164 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Well the word HOST means you provide food and drinks. You should never invite someone to a party and expect them to pay for their own food. However, you do not need to provide food that is more expensive than you can afford. If you can't afford anything then you should not host a party.

A rented room at a park, church, community center, are all reasonably priced places to have a baby shower. The host does not need to provide a fancy meal but there should be some food/drinks provided by the hosts.
What Momma said

(always listen to Momma!)
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:57 PM
 
11,621 posts, read 19,830,315 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
What Momma said

(always listen to Momma!)
All you have to do is get my kids to buy into your way of thinking!
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Old 02-15-2010, 11:03 PM
 
2,605 posts, read 3,955,832 times
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Baby Shower Etiquette:
Quote:
If we have the shower at a restaurant, who should pay for the meals?
Typically the host(ess) is responsible for all expenses when throwing a party. If you have your heart set on having your shower at a restaurant, but your budget doesn't allow for pricey meals, try calling ahead to the restaurant and asking if they can make a special menu of lower priced foods for your guests. If you believe your friends and family would be understanding and willing to pay for their own food, you might try including in the invitation that free drinks and dessert will be provided, letting them politely know meals are not free.
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