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Unread 03-16-2010, 11:28 AM
 
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First child: All other concerned parties lived in another state, and we called them when we got to the hospital and then right after the baby arrived. Visits happened sometime over the next couple of weeks, and everybody stayed in a hotel.

Second child: Parents were in town, and they took care of our first child, so they were not present for the birth. In-laws came out for a visit a couple weeks later. Again, everybody stayed in a hotel.
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Unread 03-16-2010, 11:36 AM
 
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For my first (twins), I did not inform anybody--I didn't have time lol. For our third son, just my husband and I. By the time the fourth son arrived, I really didn't care who was in the room, I just wanted to get it over with and get back home. My mother did come back to our house and stayed a few days to help out which was very much appreciated. I think it should be a personal decision. Grandparents do not have a "right" to be present. Our first grandchild was born last year and we were excluded from everything, dr. appointments, ultrasounds and the birth. We would not have been offended if the other grandparents had not been 100% involved with every aspect. We were denied a very important bonding with our grandchild while the other grandparents got all the glory. Parents of the father deserve some happiness too.
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Unread 03-16-2010, 11:39 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JC JC Mom View Post
I'm really surprised that some many moms wanted to put this distance from them and the family members that wanted to express their happiness and be there for them...
I don't think anyone has mentioned that they don't want anyone to share in th happiness.

Many are simply stating that they do not want to feel obligated during l/d & possiblyeven a few days later for accomodating several people; all with different needs and many times, in difft places.

I've gotten irreplaceable help & support for both, but at the same time, for a few hours, I will not be concerned that all the family, friends and neighbors are aware of all updates & I'm making sure THEY are all taken care of...

It's basically the one and only time moms can be completely selfish and not have to feel an ounce of concern about being selfish.

I feel the same way about wedding days. For those 6-8 hours, it was about my dh & me, not this person and the other. That being said, we made sure to have a support system in place in order to care for & be hospitiable to guests I didn't need the caterer coming up to me to let me know Aunt Susie didn't like the green beans. Someone else volunteered for that duty.

Same way with l/d. I've been very, very, very blessed to have a family who agrees and is supportive during these brief few hours. Then I turn back into a pumpkin and am 100% giving of myself to family & friends.
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Unread 03-16-2010, 12:31 PM
 
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From what I got from reading the posting most people just wanted DH involved and whenever they felt like it they would let the rest of the family know ... (ie telling the grandparents to not to come to the hospital or having a do not visit order at the front desk) I would never want to be made felt like I HAD to include the grandparents because in reality they dont have to be involved at all... Maybe its because who my child grandparents are they know how to be there without being intrusive. They know how to help withought being pushy... I know its to each their own... But I just have many wonderful memories with my friends and family I cant imagine doing it any diffrently...
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Unread 03-16-2010, 12:43 PM
 
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I think a lot of it comes down to offending someone. My wife and my mother were not very close when my son was born and she didn't really want her in the room or hovering around. I think she did want her mom the first time, but didn't want to offend my mom, by asking hers to be there and excluding mine.

Looking back on it, it's all ridiculous and if we had to do it over we would have done it differently. As you can see in the story of my 3 kid's births family became more and more involved each time. My wife and my mom have a great relationship now and I think my sons birth would have been different if it happened today.

My advice to anyone is to not deny anyone from loving you or your child unless you have very good reason. Grandparents feel sort of left out of the whole process to begin with. What can be the harm in letting them run to the hospital and then pace in the waiting room for a few hours. It's what the movies have told them they should do, lol.
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Unread 03-16-2010, 12:47 PM
 
Location: Denver area
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Quote:
My advice to anyone is to not deny anyone from loving you or your child unless you have very good reason. Grandparents feel sort of left out of the whole process to begin with. What can be the harm in letting them run to the hospital and then pace in the waiting room for a few hours. It's what the movies have told them they should do, lol.
No one said anything about denying anyone from loving their grandchild. But, while you say what can be the harm in letting them run to the hospital, pace the floors etc, my feeling was, what can be the harm of allowing my husband and me a few hours/days of privacy to embrace the change to our family and revel in it first? There's the whole rest of the grandchild's life to be involved but those first few hours are a unique and special time. Just a different view. My husband and I are both close to our families. Had nothing to do with that. Just wanted to experience it the way we wanted to experience it. I personally get very stressed and did not want anything to make the event even more stressful. I wanted to enjoy it.

Last edited by maciesmom; 03-16-2010 at 01:14 PM..
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Unread 03-16-2010, 01:15 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
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We notified the in-laws(who lived in TX and I live in IL) after he was born but my mom was in the delivery room with me and my husband and then my stepdad and siblings came up later that night.
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Unread 03-16-2010, 01:37 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AVA View Post
When you had your babies did you notify the expectant grandparents and tell them how your labor was progressing?Did they come to the hospital and stay in the waiting room?How soon did they visit you and the new baby in the hospital?What were your and their expectations?
With #1, no and no. With #2, yes but only because grandpa was babysitting #1 while I was in labor.

My dad visited the day after dd#1 was born (born at 8:47 at night) and the same day dd#2 was born (she was born at 10:35 in the morning). If my mom had been alive she'd have been there every second, probably, directing the whole affair .
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Unread 03-16-2010, 02:42 PM
 
Location: Florida
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NJGOAT View Post

My advice to anyone is to not deny anyone from loving you or your child unless you have very good reason. Grandparents feel sort of left out of the whole process to begin with. What can be the harm in letting them run to the hospital and then pace in the waiting room for a few hours. It's what the movies have told them they should do, lol.
if I remember correctly the grandparents where not involved in the making of the child(yup, they missed that event) so if after I want time w/o them present. call me a brat but my babies, my body my rules my parents will watch our little one while we have the next and I've actually requested that my kid be brought in with my husband so we can introduce her to her sibling w/ us. Its a special moment. Grandparents can visit after she meets her sib but I want that moment for us. I told my mom this and she said she complete gets it and would do the same. She also thanked me for not inviting her into the l/d. ha!

With our daughter mil waited hours and didn't get to see the baby any sooner then my parents who drove up when we called. I didn't let anyone in until we wanted. This time I think I want a shower before they arrive. lol
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Unread 03-16-2010, 02:56 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JC JC Mom View Post
From what I got from reading the posting most people just wanted DH involved and whenever they felt like it they would let the rest of the family know ... (ie telling the grandparents to not to come to the hospital or having a do not visit order at the front desk) I would never want to be made felt like I HAD to include the grandparents because in reality they dont have to be involved at all... Maybe its because who my child grandparents are they know how to be there without being intrusive. They know how to help withought being pushy... I know its to each their own... But I just have many wonderful memories with my friends and family I cant imagine doing it any diffrently...

To each his own. Neither my parents or my in-laws are "intrusive" or "pushy" types of people. I simply wanted my privacy and to share this very intimate beginning with my husband and baby alone as much as possible. I called it "cacooning" in my last past - and most women I know have reacted the same exact way. I can assure you, my memories are just as wonderful as yours because they were so intimate.

But for people who like an audience or a big production, have at it!
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