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Old 03-16-2010, 04:06 PM
Status: "God was not in Stalingrad." (set 13 hours ago)
 
13,680 posts, read 17,587,858 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly3120 View Post
if I remember correctly the grandparents where not involved in the making of the child(yup, they missed that event) so if after I want time w/o them present. call me a brat but my babies, my body my rules my parents will watch our little one while we have the next and I've actually requested that my kid be brought in with my husband so we can introduce her to her sibling w/ us. Its a special moment. Grandparents can visit after she meets her sib but I want that moment for us. I told my mom this and she said she complete gets it and would do the same. She also thanked me for not inviting her into the l/d. ha!

With our daughter mil waited hours and didn't get to see the baby any sooner then my parents who drove up when we called. I didn't let anyone in until we wanted. This time I think I want a shower before they arrive. lol
I absolutely agree with what you saying. If you read my first post, we handled things much the same way. I was trying to respond to what I percieved as some people having reasons other than wanting personal time or time for siblings to be introduced first. I guess it was more about saying that in the end, what harm can it cause?

I think everyone approaches it differently and will choose what's best for them and their family.
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Old 03-16-2010, 04:31 PM
 
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When dd #1 was born we were living in the same state and county as most of our relatives. My dh called our immediate family members when I went into labor. When I had the baby 18 hours later there were 15 people in the waiting room and they all charged in to see her as soon as the ob/gyn was finished with my c-section. It was overwhelming to say the least.

Afterwards my mom stopped by frequently for the first two weeks to help me with cooking and cleaning, which was great. My mil stayed away (she's not comfortable with newborns), which was fine with me, too.

With dd #2 my mom came to the hospital when I was in labor and my mil watched dd #1. Other family members visited during my hospital stay and my very sweet sil delivered several meals when I came home, which I appreciated.

With dd #3 we were living in another state. I had a planned c-section and flew my mom up to stay with me for a few days beforehand and a week afterwards. During the day she stayed with me and dh at the hospital. In the evenings she cooked for dh and my older girls and helped with the housework. When I got home from the hospital she helped with the baby and whatever else I needed.

My advice to OP would be to draw up a birth plan indicating who you want to be with you when you're in labor and immediately after you deliver. Everyone is different when it comes to wanting an intimate experience or wanting to share it with your entire family/social network.

Also, I would recommend limiting visitors during your first few weeks home to famiies and friends who will offer help and emotional support. The last thing you need is to be waiting on people when you want to get some rest and bond with your newborn.
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Old 03-16-2010, 04:46 PM
 
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All 3 babies, huband was with me in the labor room, not allowed in the delivery room (1970's).
My father was in the labor room for awhile during the first baby, he died before the births of 2 and 3.
My mother didn't like hospitals. Inlaws came to see the baby afterwards.
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Old 03-16-2010, 06:00 PM
 
Location: Florida
1,738 posts, read 5,524,905 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NJGOAT View Post
I absolutely agree with what you saying. If you read my first post, we handled things much the same way. I was trying to respond to what I percieved as some people having reasons other than wanting personal time or time for siblings to be introduced first. I guess it was more about saying that in the end, what harm can it cause?

I think everyone approaches it differently and will choose what's best for them and their family.
I get your points fully.
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Old 03-16-2010, 07:25 PM
 
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For my 1st ds, my mom and dh were in the labor room, but only dh was allowed in the delivery room. As soon as they realized how much epidural they had given already, he was kicked out and they put me to sleep. I missed ds first feeding. But mom and dh were there. my inlaws came the week after my mom left and stayed overnight --fil had to get back to his yard...pesky squirrels might damage it!

2nd ds, we were in Okinawa, Japan so no mom or mil, but by chance my bro and dh's sis were also stationed there. So they visited a bit, but only dh was there for the c-section. Mil talked about coming over to visit, but didn't because she didn't have a flying companion, and is afraid to fly. I felt bad for her, she wanted so much to be a part of their 'little years" but couldn't because of her phobia.
No more babies after 2nd, told dh 2 c-sections were enough for me, he could have the next one if he wanted. lol
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Old 03-16-2010, 07:27 PM
 
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With #1, it was just us. My parents lived 8 hours away and we had already decided they would wait to visit until a week after the birth, which is when my husband had to return to work. My inlaws were called and told I was in labor, but we asked them not to come to the hospital until after the delivery. My MIL is very controlling and would have bullied her way into the room if we had asked them to come any earlier, and there was no way I was allowing that. I didn't want my own mother in the room; I certainly didn't want my MIL!!

For #2, my best friend volunteered to watch #1. #2 was a planned c-section so it worked out really well. We had the same arrangement with my parents, but they ended up not visiting for a month because they were both ill.

I agree with the others who feel that the birth of a new baby should be private at first...I actually don't even like to be visited in the hospital. After 14 hours of labor and then an emergency c-section with #1, I certainly didn't want guests!
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Old 03-16-2010, 08:00 PM
 
Location: California
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Both my parents and my inlaws lived close by when I had my children but we waited to call them until after the birth so we could give them the happy news WITH the important details. They all came to visit during visiting hours. My second was induced so we had my parents watching our eldest.
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Old 03-16-2010, 11:55 PM
 
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For #1, we lived four hours from my parents and eight from my MIL. It was already decided that my parents would come up for the first week to help out and my MIL would come the second week. We called both when we went to the hospital. My parents were planning on leaving the next morning, thinking that would leave us some time to bond as a family. However, my son had different ideas, so they showed up two hours after he was born. My sister and niece came that day too, but they were all very good about not staying too long. We lived in a small, 400 square foot cabin without electricity or plumbing, so my parents stayed in a hotel and then came over during the day to cook and clean and make sure we were ready for winter. My MIL comes the next week, stays at our house, doesn't cook, demands the baby at every moment, entertains my guests while I had to cook.... well, I lost most of my baby weight that week. I guess that is one good thing.

Needless to say, I was very nervous about having #2 (I was worried because for a time we were living closer to my MIL). But it turned out great. We lived 1400 miles from any family. Some friends watched #1 and made food for us on the return. They were the first ones to see the new baby, too. I don't think I would change that. Our families have since had a history of be a little fairweather while expecting a lot of us, while the friends we have met over all our moves have been absolutely amazing and closer to our children than family has been.
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Old 03-17-2010, 10:06 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaMc46 View Post
Also, I would recommend limiting visitors during your first few weeks home to famiies and friends who will offer help and emotional support. The last thing you need is to be waiting on people when you want to get some rest and bond with your newborn.
Good point. Without going into too many details, I'll just say that the extended family who came out after my first was born expected to be entertained. I really resented it. Choose your first visitors carefully, and make sure you to speak up about the things you need.
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Old 03-17-2010, 10:15 AM
 
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All of us (5 kids in my blended family) called my parents when we were in labor, then when we went to the hospital, and again when the baby was born. I do not believe that my parents went to any of the births, happy as they were to be having grandbabies! For my own children, for my first she was born late in the evening, my parents came quite early the next morning, I don't think they'd have come so soon, but there was a problem first thing in the morning, I called my parents crying (baby spit up, I had a Csect, couldn't reach her for a second as my husband had just left and the baby bassinet was a few inches farther than was comfortable to reach, aide came in and TOOK my baby away, said she was blue...........), they were there in about an hour.
The 2nd birth they were there probably within 24 hrs but they were caring for my older daughter, and worked so they had to coordinate things.
I think it's very odd on those "having a baby" tv shows where the whole family shows up for the birth.....pretty weird IMO.
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