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Old 06-19-2010, 06:45 AM
 
Location: Canada
283 posts, read 400,828 times
Reputation: 200

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I have a childhood friend(girl) (3rd time that she talk to me to fix her heart) that is heart broken right now, I've passed the two last weeks trying to make her feel better reminding her constantly that she is cute, she will be o.k and that it's the guys fault that he left her because he was insecure ( I lied she is clingy and insecure ). She is a great girl (scorpio sign) but too passionate when it come to loving, I became friend with her in high school and she was my first crush But she always saw me as a friend and nothing more even today. I know I made mistakes that got me in the friend Zone but now I feel like I'm being used (like a friend in the closet).

She is becoming like a leech thats trying to suck the life out of me. I'm there for her and all and still invisible. I'm looking for a girlfriend not a leech friend right now. Being a nice guy is not rewarding I should pin her down.

I don't feel anything for her anymore except nostalgia.

What should I do?
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Old 06-19-2010, 06:52 AM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 14,981,673 times
Reputation: 8014
Maybe you can try being honest to her and tell her exactly why you think their relationship ended. Tell her that you think that her clinginess was the cause of a break-up and see whether or not she will still want to continue hearing from you.
She is using you now to make herself feel better and you are at fault here too. You are lying to her and she is holding on to this lie and you. She knows that you had a crush on her and thinks that perhaps you still do and she needs you to boost up her ego in this time of her life.

You are calling her a leech, but you are just as guilty here. Sometimes honesty is not the best policy, but in certain circumstances people need to hear the truth. You are not helping her because it seems as if she is repeating the same pattern (clinginess) with you and you are not pointing it out.
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Old 06-19-2010, 06:53 AM
 
Location: Sunny Florida
7,136 posts, read 10,665,956 times
Reputation: 9448
Perhaps you should come clean with her and tell her the truth.
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Old 06-19-2010, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Canada
283 posts, read 400,828 times
Reputation: 200
thanks
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Old 06-19-2010, 09:18 AM
 
Location: NYC
7,371 posts, read 12,314,281 times
Reputation: 10279
Yes you are being emotional used; once you are in the friend zone you don't come out of it. She's expecting you to keep puppy-dogging around her so you can be her emotional crutch. Once she gets over her current pain, she will drop you like a bad habit. Your best bet is to cut off all contact with her.
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Old 06-19-2010, 05:49 PM
 
9,340 posts, read 8,732,469 times
Reputation: 14365
Default I agree!

Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
Maybe you can try being honest to her and tell her exactly why you think their relationship ended. Tell her that you think that her clinginess was the cause of a break-up and see whether or not she will still want to continue hearing from you.
She is using you now to make herself feel better and you are at fault here too. You are lying to her and she is holding on to this lie and you. She knows that you had a crush on her and thinks that perhaps you still do and she needs you to boost up her ego in this time of her life.

You are calling her a leech, but you are just as guilty here. Sometimes honesty is not the best policy, but in certain circumstances people need to hear the truth. You are not helping her because it seems as if she is repeating the same pattern (clinginess) with you and you are not pointing it out.
Very good advice!
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Old 06-19-2010, 06:45 PM
 
Location: Tri-State Area
2,936 posts, read 5,044,786 times
Reputation: 1805
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
Yes you are being emotional used; once you are in the friend zone you don't come out of it. She's expecting you to keep puppy-dogging around her so you can be her emotional crutch. Once she gets over her current pain, she will drop you like a bad habit. Your best bet is to cut off all contact with her.

^^^^^ This. Ditch her, if you don't she will, and it will hurt you worse.
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Old 06-19-2010, 07:12 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,227 posts, read 21,978,457 times
Reputation: 23996
Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
Maybe you can try being honest to her and tell her exactly why you think their relationship ended. Tell her that you think that her clinginess was the cause of a break-up and see whether or not she will still want to continue hearing from you.
She is using you now to make herself feel better and you are at fault here too. You are lying to her and she is holding on to this lie and you. She knows that you had a crush on her and thinks that perhaps you still do and she needs you to boost up her ego in this time of her life.

You are calling her a leech, but you are just as guilty here. Sometimes honesty is not the best policy, but in certain circumstances people need to hear the truth. You are not helping her because it seems as if she is repeating the same pattern (clinginess) with you and you are not pointing it out.
Thats exactly what I was going to say....great post!
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Old 06-19-2010, 07:44 PM
 
28,906 posts, read 45,194,930 times
Reputation: 45811
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris245 View Post
I have a childhood friend(girl) (3rd time that she talk to me to fix her heart) that is heart broken right now, I've passed the two last weeks trying to make her feel better reminding her constantly that she is cute, she will be o.k and that it's the guys fault that he left her because he was insecure ( I lied she is clingy and insecure ). She is a great girl (scorpio sign) but too passionate when it come to loving, I became friend with her in high school and she was my first crush But she always saw me as a friend and nothing more even today. I know I made mistakes that got me in the friend Zone but now I feel like I'm being used (like a friend in the closet).

She is becoming like a leech thats trying to suck the life out of me. I'm there for her and all and still invisible. I'm looking for a girlfriend not a leech friend right now. Being a nice guy is not rewarding I should pin her down.

I don't feel anything for her anymore except nostalgia.

What should I do?
Um. You're a guy, right?

Look, it's okay to be supportive of a friend. What's not okay is you're pretending to be a friend, lending her support so that she'll maybe notice what a great person you are, throw you down on the sofa, tear off her clothes, and turn to you for a little solace in the form of humpalumpadingdong.

In other words, you're putting up with a lot of junk out of this girl in the hopes that she'll put your name in the hat. And, by doing so, you've made that impossible. You might as well be gay in her eyes, and don't be surprised if she starts discussing window treatments with you any day now.

She's using you, and it's time for you to man up about it.

The next time she tries to use you as her substitute girlfriend, you need to say, "Look, I haven't been straight with you here. I'm sorry that you broke up with the *******-du-jour, but maybe it's time you look for a guy who will actually treat you well for a change. Like me."

Then she'll look at you with those dewy eyes, and act surprised. Then you say, "Well, duh. I've had a thing for you for years. How could you not have noticed? Instead, the only time you pay attention to me is when you've broken up with another loser."

"So, as much as I adore you, I have to say this. I'm better than any of those guys you've dated. And I'd really like a chance with you. But if you're just using me to be your personal little Dr. Phil, move on, okay?"

She'll get pissed. So what? Because in another week, chances are at least decent that she'll see you with fresh eyes. Which is a lot better than the approach you're using right now.
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Old 06-19-2010, 10:26 PM
 
Location: In my skin
8,877 posts, read 13,841,131 times
Reputation: 8717
Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
Maybe you can try being honest to her and tell her exactly why you think their relationship ended. Tell her that you think that her clinginess was the cause of a break-up and see whether or not she will still want to continue hearing from you.
She is using you now to make herself feel better and you are at fault here too. You are lying to her and she is holding on to this lie and you. She knows that you had a crush on her and thinks that perhaps you still do and she needs you to boost up her ego in this time of her life.

You are calling her a leech, but you are just as guilty here. Sometimes honesty is not the best policy, but in certain circumstances people need to hear the truth. You are not helping her because it seems as if she is repeating the same pattern (clinginess) with you and you are not pointing it out.
Listen to mama, she knows what she's tawkin' 'bout.
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