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Can a narcissist be a martyr, too? I'm thinking of my mother-in-law. She wants the world to revolve around her but she does it in such a way that it will appear that she's the one catering to everyone else. I've been trying to out a label on her for years. I just can't figure her out.
has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements
is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people requires excessive admiration
has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectationsis
interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
lacks empathy:is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of othersis
often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
Let me give you my example:
A parent tries to mold their children into their own image to be a reflection of themselves, to make themselves look good. When that child rebels then there is hell to pay. Or if this person was a boss or a spouse whomever they are involved with must make them look good, very selfish type person! It has to be all be at him/her.
Some new studies show that narcissism and sociopathy are characteristics inherent in people from birth, and the signs can be detected as young as two or three years old. Although this may be true, I have to agree with I'mcurious, based on observation, that it's caused by severe childhood trauma.
Can a narcissist be a martyr, too? I'm thinking of my mother-in-law. She wants the world to revolve around her but she does it in such a way that it will appear that she's the one catering to everyone else. I've been trying to out a label on her for years. I just can't figure her out.
This sounds like the manipulative side of narcissism. They can be highly manipulative, even to the point of being skilled con artists.
Clinical narcissism and sociopathy are genetic traits, and differing expressions of the same spectrum. The brain literally processes and organizes information differently. One will notice memory issues that seem odd. Like not remembering having just said something. Gaps in past memories. A quick transformation from having just exploded in anger, then a quick recovery...as if nothing had happened at all.
I don't view either condition as being a disorder. I believe in both cases it's perfectly normal, and serves humanity in some way. However potentially disturbing and painful, for those who have stronger mammal vs. reptilian brain tendancies.
Hi Crisan, your post did remind me a lot of some of the (few) Buddhist talks I listened to regarding being present in the moment and striving to be free of desires, especially petty ones. Have you heard of Ajahn Brahm? Maybe you would enjoy his talks:
Narcissism - Is it a learned behavior? What about impatience - a learned behavior? What about unhappiness - a learned behavior?
I grew up seeing my own guardians chasing after their wants when it came to me:
They wanted me to behave.
They wanted me to be independent.
They wanted me to stop crying.
They wanted me to stop wanting something.
They chased after their wants when it came to meeting our needs:
They wanted to bring home money but wanted more.
They wanted dinner but didn't want to have to do the work.
They wanted a clean house but didn't enjoy housekeeping.
They wanted us to have clothes but wanted us to be happy with Walmart clothes because they couldn't afford designer clothes. Otherwise, they would buy them for us.
And because they didn't know when these wants would happen, they were impatient, unhappy and selfish. But they never knew they were. They believed that having what they wanted would make them happy. But, it was waiting for the wants that made them unhappy. Nobody likes to wait.
I only realized much later that they modeled these undesirable behaviors to me because I was doing the same thing to my daughter. I wanted the exact same things and I was not enjoying my time with her because what I wanted was not happening.
"The time it takes to reach our wants is no less desirable than the time after we reach our wants." Some wants never happen like reliving the past.
So I have decided not to teach my daughter to wait for her wants because the time she is living now is just as valuable. The only way to "teach" her this is by not waiting for my wants either and enjoying right now.
What behavior you are displaying is actually narcisstic, and can teach your daughter that she must stop at nothing to get what she wants, instead of virtues such as patience, and working toward something while being nice to others.
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