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Old 10-15-2010, 08:42 AM
 
Location: Queens THE REAL international city
2,386 posts, read 5,280,037 times
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Just a curious question since I am at work and bored as heck and the reason why I asked is because I bumped into an old friend of mine this morning on the way to work that just made me think of how controlling this person was when we used to hung out.

Anyone know/knew/have those controlling friends or family members that always want to control every aspect of the relationship? They like to control who hangs out with who, who they want to invite around who, and if they see the way two people are interacting which they don't like they try and control that too?

I know and knew at least 3-4 people like that in my life. Whats up with these people? The two people I know in my life (who were friends) just like controlling every aspect of an outing with friends and say if they bring their friend from a different group, they like to control how the chemistry goes between them. I always wondered why that was, it seems like some insecurity/powertrip thing. Its just annoying to me.

Anyone know what I mean?
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Old 10-15-2010, 08:49 AM
 
8,680 posts, read 12,849,785 times
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Yep, I have a family member like that. I haven't spoken to her in over three years.

Yes, it's probably insecurity. But you know what? It doesn't matter. When I run into people like that, I don't care what their reasons are. All I care about is avoiding them to the greatest extent possible.
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Old 10-15-2010, 08:49 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 45,227,864 times
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Sure do. But you have a choice whether or not to be controlled. People like that sense malleability in others and seek to exploit it. If you have a backbone and force them to deal with you on equal terms, one of two things happen: 1) They deal with you on equal terms or 2) They go away. Neither one is a bad option.
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Old 10-15-2010, 08:51 AM
 
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I don't have any friends like that, but I do have family like that.

You can pick & choose your friends...
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Old 10-15-2010, 08:57 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robee70 View Post
I don't have any friends like that, but I do have family like that.

You can pick & choose your friends...
Same here...also have a boss like that. I have co-workers that could be considered "manipulators". Not really a fun environment to work in

I won't tolerate this BS from friends or acquaintances but family (and co-workers) are tough to avoid. I have fantasies about moving to another area and getting another job but haven't acted on that yet.
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Old 10-15-2010, 09:41 AM
 
Location: Queens THE REAL international city
2,386 posts, read 5,280,037 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Sure do. But you have a choice whether or not to be controlled. People like that sense malleability in others and seek to exploit it. If you have a backbone and force them to deal with you on equal terms, one of two things happen: 1) They deal with you on equal terms or 2) They go away. Neither one is a bad option.
Yep. One of the friends I had like that just liked that they were able to get people to do what they wanted and if people weren't doing their bidding, it made them feel insecure and they just never bothered with that person again. I notice they look at it as the person being "defiant" or as a challenge. What bugs me sometimes is how people in a group of friends kind of get accustomed to their behavior and let it blind them from speaking out against them or I guess their controlling ways insidiously creeps up on people to the point where they believe everything they say and do or right and that controlling person gets comfortable with it. Anyone who is "rebellious" though is someone they can't deal with even though that person isn't being rebellious but just have a mind of their own and can speak their mind.

Am I making sense here?
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Old 10-15-2010, 10:49 AM
 
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There is a somewhat similar thread on this somewhere else in here and I must say, now you see why I choose to stay single.
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Old 01-23-2011, 07:50 PM
 
Location: The State Line
2,207 posts, read 3,015,725 times
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I know this thread is a few months old, but the Op makes perfect sense. A recent turn of events make me wonder...

I decided to return to school for a field I was once interested in, (Law), but changed to special ed for a variety of reasons. When I graduated, I soon after realized it was a mistake not to follow my original passion, as I wasn't truly happy with that field.

Meanwhile, a family friend had finally opened a daycare, something she was hoping for a long time. My father kept mentioning I could be qualified to become a 'director', because of my bachelor's and some credits I had. At some other pount, she asked me if I wanted to do it, but I wasn't really interested.

After a while my father mentioned she needed help. So I decided I would try to assist her on a per diem basis, until she found a second director, since she asked if I would work there regularly again and and said I wouldn't (not to mention, I didn't have that time in my schedule). Mind you her own kids were also helping out, so I felt we were being 'supportive'.

Needless to say, a new semester began. I was involved on campus and was
starting volunteer work, and am looking to start an internship with a local
attorney. I was beginning to think I would have to tell this person I couldn't
continue working there, when I went over to her business with my father to
'have lunch'.

They were basically having a meeting in which she decided I needed to 'help' her. I had a feeling it meant 'regularly', and chances were her kids were probably gone. (None of them were there.) I could see where this was going and first mentioned I didn't think I had that kind of time. When she asked for

my schedule, they both decided whatever time I wasn't in class I would
work there. I politely tried to say I didn't want to do this, and mentioned my
internship and community service, but they still think I should do this. Even
when I told them this was my life, they didn't want to hear that. Basically, I have to find a 'real' job since the internship isn't paid, even though I'm not concerned about money.

I'm upset that they don't support my own goals but want me to do something else, and think I should just go along with it. I almost think this was planned, and the family friend didn't really want to find someone else. At the same time, apart from me paying for school and not asking for help to pay my bills, I'm still living with my father while I'm in school. I can understand if he doesn't want to keep supporting me. I have to find something apart from this. At this point I'm better off living in a hotel, or living in section 8 housing than staying there.

I made up my mind what I'm going to do, and am realizing I should not put myself in such positions to be controlled again.
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Old 01-24-2011, 12:16 AM
 
1,206 posts, read 2,452,700 times
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controlling people usually think they know better and overstep boundaries that they dont see. Some of them are well meaning. Some are not. Either way you have to deal with them sometimes
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