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I suspect the person I am currently dating is a gambling addict. The last three times we have had lengthy discussions, he has brought up betting on football.
Now I have known people who bet in football pools or other forms of gambling - and I have done it myself - but it has always been the sort of thing that comes up in conversation once a year. I last saw this guy last Sunday, and as we watched football and chatted I learned he knew the line for every single game being played that day.
I am prepared to give this guy the boot (or at least tell him we can hang out every now and again but we will never be a couple), but I want to make sure I am not being an alarmist. I am unfamiliar with gambling as a vice. Is it unusual to be this preoccupied with gambling, or am is he merely a football junkie making conversation? I don't see myself with this guy long term anyway, but he's fun for now. That said, everytime I hear something about gambling I start wondering if this guy is going to cost me money someday... I don't pay for a man's bad habits.
SOoo, who here can talk to me about these gamblers?
I can. First, there are internet forums dealing specifically with gambling and I've been on them (not for me, but for someone I was involved with he swore he didn't have a problem).
Second, go to a Gamanon meeting. You can find Gamanon on the Internet. There, you will really learn what it's like to live with a gambler and it's a real eye opener. Some of the stories I heard, WOW.
You are wise to want information about this. Oh, and this guy never asked me for money - not for gambling at least. He did feign illness on 7/7/7 at the last minute though. He does slots and I think he does have a problem. (BTW, 777 is the lucky number in slots and that was the date).
I think online dating warps the mind a little bit, is a waste of time for many people and as such it just isn't the right venue for me. No regrets whatsoever.
Best of luck, recognizing your own personal situation and realizing there is never ONE right answer covering everyone is a good start.
Personally, I think that your hanging on to dead end f*ck buddies is probably hindering finding the right guy for a LTR but that's just me.
My only other thought is to not turn into one of the scared listers that lurks around these forums.
Pretty much they could spend a couple dates with any guy in existance and "spot something"...whip it up into a full blown issue and escape certain doom within thier minds in short order. They will never find the right person because they have issues preventing it from happening.
Interesting that this was bumped today. I think I'm going to dump this guy. Yesterday it was agreed that I was going to his house where I'd cook dinner. (I love to cook so I was looking forward to it, since I only ever get to cook for myself.) I bougt stuff, and before heading over there I realized he had not answered a few texts, so I decided to call to say I was on my way. He answered the phone, told me he was sleeping because he was depressed, and that he didn want to get together. Well since he didn't even bother to call or text me me this, I feel he has very little regard for me. I am going through a very, very difficult time at work in which I am getting no respect; I see no need to be disrespected personally too. I have to go to Houston this weekend anyway so there's going to be distance regardless, but I don't see any point in going on when I get back.
Note, that these gamblers will minimize their involvement in the gambling...so, what they say, and the reality is completely different. "oh, I bet about $50 on that game"...reality, it is probably more like $500. They honestly believe that they have a "system" that will enable them to win, and be ahead...and the time that they spend on gaming...and the subsequent lying...the denial...and the minimizing of the impact of their behavior on themselves and others....and the cycle that they can get into when they are losing, of going for pay day loans, "borrowing' money from you until pay day...constantly broke..."oh, just pick up this dinner, baby". They don't start out that way, but it gets there, believe me.
Leave, because these gamblers are just so darn seductive, and cute. That is their job, they are world class manipulators, and liars...and very attractive and unusually charismatic. Being with them is like being on a roller coaster, high and wonderful fun, or low, and totally in the dumps. Do yourself a favor, leave. I know it is hard. Do it for yourself.
Interesting that this was bumped today. I think I'm going to dump this guy. Yesterday it was agreed that I was going to his house where I'd cook dinner. (I love to cook so I was looking forward to it, since I only ever get to cook for myself.) I bougt stuff, and before heading over there I realized he had not answered a few texts, so I decided to call to say I was on my way. He answered the phone, told me he was sleeping because he was depressed, and that he didn want to get together. Well since he didn't even bother to call or text me me this, I feel he has very little regard for me. I am going through a very, very difficult time at work in which I am getting no respect; I see no need to be disrespected personally too. I have to go to Houston this weekend anyway so there's going to be distance regardless, but I don't see any point in going on when I get back.
He is depressed because he LOST at gambling.
A few tips : You can't make a gambler stop gambling because they are ( if in the winning mode ) super special and have a *secret * edge against the casino. They are on a HIGH ! A winning high. But as every gambler knows those MEGA BILLON Dollar hotels did not get there because you WON.
So after they win a few days called a streak they keep thinking they have the edge . Where did it go ? They dumped it in the casino. Emptying out their pockets. What happened to my edge ?
And so it goes a Million times more...
Guys move to vegas because they are going to be a professional card poker player .
They think they have the edge but you will NEVER hear their true losses. They will say " Yea I lost , yea like $ 50 but really it was more like $ 250 or more.
RUN from the gambler. ! ( Even the proported professional gambler who will LOSE over time no matter how special he thinks he is )
I suspect the person I am currently dating is a gambling addict. The last three times we have had lengthy discussions, he has brought up betting on football.
Now I have known people who bet in football pools or other forms of gambling - and I have done it myself - but it has always been the sort of thing that comes up in conversation once a year. I last saw this guy last Sunday, and as we watched football and chatted I learned he knew the line for every single game being played that day.
I am prepared to give this guy the boot (or at least tell him we can hang out every now and again but we will never be a couple), but I want to make sure I am not being an alarmist. I am unfamiliar with gambling as a vice. Is it unusual to be this preoccupied with gambling, or am is he merely a football junkie making conversation? I don't see myself with this guy long term anyway, but he's fun for now. That said, everytime I hear something about gambling I start wondering if this guy is going to cost me money someday... I don't pay for a man's bad habits.
SOoo, who here can talk to me about these gamblers?
<Raises hand>
I was married to a compulsive gambler. He was also an alcoholic and a cokehead. As a matter of fact, he couldn't do anything in moderation and was pretty much susceptible to addiction with anything except work. I didn't know all this at first. Our first dates were at the horse track, a place where I liked to go because I do like to gamble, too. He was fun, too. I just had no idea this whole gambling world existed or that people would be willing to throw the rent out the window betting on Monday Night Football and all day Sunday, too.
It's quite possible he could cost you money someday, if you aren't careful. If he's betting with illegal bookies and owes them money, and it gets bad enough, you could actually find yourself in danger, as well.
There are fewer divorces, or at least it takes longer, with gamblers than with other addicts. It's a little different than the other addictions in that sometimes they actually win and when they do, they will shower you with money and gifts. Most of the time, of course, and over the long run, they will lose because if it didn't work that way, bookies and casinos and racetracks wouldn't make the money that they do.
As with other addictions, they will lie about where money went or have some plausible-sounding excuses about why they need a temporary loan or some emergency cash. Addicts of all kinds are the best liars in the world. Just watch out for that kind of thing. Knowing all the spreads on all the games is definitely a sign, but it could also be someone who is just really obsessed with the game. I would keep my eyes open if I were you and listen for if he seems to owe people money out of proportion to what he makes for a living, or if he seems completely remote when the games are on--they are often doing intense calculations in their heads trying to figure out what they lost and how much they will have to bet on what games to try to recover the loss.
Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 10-29-2010 at 10:14 PM..
I think if there's enough there to give you suspicion there's much more under the surface you don't see. This sort of thing is why I rely on...listen to....trust....act on...my intuition....instincts....gut-feelings.....They haven't steered me wrong yet.
I think online dating warps the mind a little bit, is a waste of time for many people and as such it just isn't the right venue for me. No regrets whatsoever.
Yes, I did that for a while, too. Had some fun, met a parade of assorted characters who were all like my ex in one way or another.
As I said, the gambling, partying ex was a lot of fun...in the beginning. And there must be something about those types I liked, but I learned from online dating that as soon as "the beginning" started to turn into "the problem", it was time to tiptoe away!
I suspect the person I am currently dating is a gambling addict. The last three times we have had lengthy discussions, he has brought up betting on football.
Now I have known people who bet in football pools or other forms of gambling - and I have done it myself - but it has always been the sort of thing that comes up in conversation once a year. I last saw this guy last Sunday, and as we watched football and chatted I learned he knew the line for every single game being played that day.
I am prepared to give this guy the boot (or at least tell him we can hang out every now and again but we will never be a couple), but I want to make sure I am not being an alarmist. I am unfamiliar with gambling as a vice. Is it unusual to be this preoccupied with gambling, or am is he merely a football junkie making conversation? I don't see myself with this guy longterm anyway, but he's fun for now. That said, everytime I hear something about gambling I start wondering if this guy is going to cost memoney someday... I don't pay for a man's bad habits.
SOoo, who here can talk to me about these gamblers?
People do talk about betting on sporting events, and I think many people know who is playing, and in the game. But you make yourself look less than appealing and maybe one of those women that likes to date a guy as long as he spends money or her. Why would you worry that someday he may cost you some money? Do you think he could possibly have the same worries, that some day, you will cost him money? Dump him now, you don't deserve each other.
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Gambling addicts
