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Old 01-12-2011, 08:21 PM
 
2,632 posts, read 5,694,604 times
Reputation: 1393

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Me and my wife broke up. We haven't divorced yet. We got married only after 1 year of knowing each other. Our marriage lasted 2 months because she cheated on me during my relationship and she has 0 respect for me.

She wanted to leave me but I end up relocating with her. During that time she wouldn't leave me alone. I wanted nothing to do with her. But she kept pursueing and I gave in like a wimp.

After escalating arguements and time being wasted we both called it quits. Well me more so. For some reason she felt the need to call me having sex with other guys after I left. She made me look like a fool by having her friends listen on our conversation and make up false things about me. I'm really not sure what the motive was but she had the audacity to beg me back after I changed my number. When I changed my number she requested that we get a divorce. I couldnt even breathe but I agreed and said ok. She told me I should pay for it and that its unfair for us to remain marry without any contact. I thought it was b.s. and said we should go half and she said she's unwilling. After that she asked me to come back to her again but she was still spreading rumors, lies and making me look like a fool over the internet.

Finally I said enough is enough. We can't be friends and deaded it. I then gave in and found out its possible for us to get an annulment with her cooperation. She refused and that was the last time I contacted her or the last time we spoke.

After all she has put me through. I still love her for some twisted reason. I keep replaying memories we shared together. Don't get me wrong this has not stop me from living my life. I'm moving forward. I'm in a technical school studying hard to be the best getting ready for college. I read in my spare time. Write music. Hangout with my friends whenever their available. I date whenever I can. I workout. I really try but I can't get her off my mind. I try and try.

I think about the bad things she did. How many times she lied but then I think about all the bad things I did and the good things she did. All those times I ignored her calls and ignored her.

It's been 3 months since me and her have last talk and its been 8 months since we have separated. Why do I think about her. I need to get over her. What are some tricks I can use on myself to move on completely. We are still married and she refuses to get a divorce. I need her to divorce me.

I begged her to tell me that "she doesn't love me anymore." for closure. She won't even give me that. I asked her if she can cooperate with the divorce she blocked me. I can deal better with straight up rejection then things left in the air. All she did was tell me that she still loves me. I need help.

She played me for a fool. Why do I care about her still. I need her to divorce me and tell me its over. It's like some sort of grip.
I want it to be over but I need her to let it go so I can let it go. I don't even know.

Last edited by Veyron; 01-12-2011 at 08:31 PM..
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Old 01-12-2011, 08:29 PM
 
90 posts, read 276,679 times
Reputation: 145
For all it costs, mostly for peace of mind, you need to divorce her. Love is a habit in your situation, plain and simple, and you need to move away from any indication of a loving relationship. Get some good mental health counseling and see that your ways are self-destructive. Based on your commentary, this is an emotionally abusive relationship. Get help.
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Old 01-12-2011, 08:36 PM
 
13,496 posts, read 13,987,792 times
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you are in love with the woman you "thought" she was. not the woman she really is. move on, look forward and find someone who will love and treat you with respect
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Old 01-12-2011, 08:37 PM
 
2,632 posts, read 5,694,604 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by profgent1 View Post
For all it costs, mostly for peace of mind, you need to divorce her. Love is a habit in your situation, plain and simple, and you need to move away from any indication of a loving relationship. Get some good mental health counseling and see that your ways are self-destructive. Based on your commentary, this is an emotionally abusive relationship. Get help.

I know...our relationship was unhealthy. We tried to leave each other but we couldn't. Well at least I couldn't.

Its crazy because I am literally telling myself to get over her and I can't. I dream about her sometimes.
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Old 01-12-2011, 08:39 PM
 
2,632 posts, read 5,694,604 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hothulamaui View Post
you are in love with the woman you "thought" she was. not the woman she really is. move on, look forward and find someone who will love and treat you with respect


How do I look forward. . I'm getting my life together. Thats the problem. When my situation was jacked thats all I could think about. But now that my situation is alot better I'm still having a very difficult time. Will finding someone else help it??? She I put more effort into dating???
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Old 01-12-2011, 09:07 PM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,089 posts, read 6,636,704 times
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I begged her to tell me that "she doesn't love me anymore." for closure.

First of all, "closure" happened the moment she cheated on you and the fact she cheated on you so early in your marriage is beyond horrifying. How can you forgive that? She betrayed you. People in love (and you guys were newlyweds!), do NOT sleep with other people. People who respect and love their partner don't have sex with other men and then call their husband up and provide salacious details.

You need to divorce this woman ASAP and move on. Repeat over and over, "she never loved me, she is not worth one moment of my time." Every time you think of her, think of something else until it becomes a habit. You will destroy yourself remaining in love with someone who never loved you and who abused your trust. Trust that there is woman out there who will appreciate you, love you and treat you with the fidelity and respect you deserve!
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Old 01-12-2011, 09:13 PM
 
2,632 posts, read 5,694,604 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61 View Post
I begged her to tell me that "she doesn't love me anymore." for closure.

First of all, "closure" happened the moment she cheated on you and the fact she cheated on you so early in your marriage is beyond horrifying. How can you forgive that? She betrayed you. People in love (and you guys were newlyweds!), do NOT sleep with other people. People who respect and love their partner don't have sex with other men and then call their husband up and provide salacious details.

You need to divorce this woman ASAP and move on. Repeat over and over, "she never loved me, she is not worth one moment of my time." Every time you think of her, think of something else until it becomes a habit. You will destroy yourself remaining in love with someone who never loved you and who abused your trust. Trust that there is woman out there who will appreciate you, love you and treat you with the fidelity and respect you deserve!
Your right but I can't go through with the divorce. I don't understand. If she has all this money why won't she file.
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Old 01-12-2011, 09:23 PM
 
8 posts, read 8,658 times
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actually it isnt important to divorce the woman...to digress only slightly i went to an"emotions anonymous" meeting and their little motto was"i realized i was powerless against my emotions"--im staunchly convinced that all such things are rife with pretension and bs but there really is an element of truth here-when youre in love youre not in control...you have to have time
spend the time getting to know and like yourself and just get used to the idea youll be feeling some pain for a while-if you pray-praying is good and religion can be healing but if youre not ready to go there at least think through what you do in the course of a day and sort stuff out-are you being kind to yourself? if you can give up soem of the destructive behaviors you can give yourself does of self esteem...it may not seem like much but if you keep after it means a lot
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Old 01-12-2011, 09:58 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
9,175 posts, read 16,540,278 times
Reputation: 13385
Quote:
Originally Posted by hothulamaui View Post
you are in love with the woman you "thought" she was. not the woman she really is. move on, look forward and find someone who will love and treat you with respect
^^^^^ Nailed.


You don't love this woman. You couldn't.

You love what you thought you had.
You might love what you did have for a VERY SHORT WHILE.
You love the idea of love and marriage.

The woman you described is not someone you love.


I went through the same thing, although my wife was nothing like yours. But after 5-6 years of marriage she started changing in a bad way. I stuck with her for 26 years!!!!!!!!! All that time I kept telling myself that I loved her. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks: I loved who she was when we were first married, but not who she'd turned into.

When I realized that I immediately filed for divorce. That was 20 years ago, and I've never regretted it.
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Old 01-12-2011, 10:09 PM
 
2,632 posts, read 5,694,604 times
Reputation: 1393
Quote:
Originally Posted by WyoNewk View Post
^^^^^ Nailed.


You don't love this woman. You couldn't.

You love what you thought you had.
You might love what you did have for a VERY SHORT WHILE.
You love the idea of love and marriage.

The woman you described is not someone you love.


I went through the same thing, although my wife was nothing like yours. But after 5-6 years of marriage she started changing in a bad way. I stuck with her for 26 years!!!!!!!!! All that time I kept telling myself that I loved her. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks: I loved who she was when we were first married, but not who she'd turned into.

When I realized that I immediately filed for divorce. That was 20 years ago, and I've never regretted it.
She did say I never loved her. This is probably what she meant. You guys are really helping with the responses. I appreciate it. I going to get into some counseling though.
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