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Old 01-26-2011, 05:34 PM
 
2,179 posts, read 4,199,735 times
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I definitely need help with getting used to any change that I have in my life. Change and being faced with decisions have always been some of the biggest issues I have had in my life.

I answered your post prior on moving, but forgot to quote you. I basically can't get out of my lease for 6 months unless I just throw out $$$. I also do have some on call jobs here.

As soon as my lease is up, my plan is to return back home with my parents. I feel so babyish that I am 26 and realized I need the support of my parents at home, and to be in a very familiar area. However, if I could get a job that is truly in my field that I am competent at, and a good fit for, I would do it. I most likely could get that job in Vegas (not really a city I want, but if I am working for good people and doing what I love, it would be worth it imo), or take a job that is my field that I don't really like, but it would be in the same city of my parents. I will worry about that later anyway....

On meeting people, the joke is, I am actually being more sociable and "doing things", than I have done prior to when I moved here. I have 2 events I am going to in the next couple of weeks, and plan to find other stuff to do to meet people. The thing I am discovering (and I hope this doesn't come off as egotistical or cold) though is that I just don't meet people that I click with. I go to so many social type of things and the only person I really keep in touch with is a girl I met a year ago at a wine tasting. The rest of the people, it's really just small talk... I have gone out with some people here, but I think we find that there is no friend chemistry


Quote:
Originally Posted by thebobs View Post
Change happens. A lot of times we get comfortable in our surroundings that when we go into something new, its not as great as it looked like. It sounds like you really liked the place you came from and the current place is nothing like it. You can change this by doing 1 of 2 things. Move back to the old place or try to find things and people to like in your new place.

The thing is you can sit there and what if the heck out of every situation that you're in. The problem is that hindsight is always 20/20. There were some choices I didn't make that would have helped me more, but then I think would I be here and in my current situation if I didn't? You take the good with the bad. You have the cards you were dealt with, now you just have to play them right.

You should try to do what you like to do and try to make some friends. Other than a synagogue, are there any other types of clubs or the like that you can join and meet people? I would suggest getting out and doing the things you used to do - minus the meeting people. The reason I say this is that when you start doing the activities you like to do, meeting people through them will become easier.

Like mir said, you need to be happy with yourself first. You need to start liking yourself.
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Old 01-26-2011, 05:36 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 35,002,181 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Manischewitz View Post
I spoke to my landlord about getting out of my lease. The only way out is if I pay the remaining 6 months. I was told if I can find someone to take over my lease, there won't be any fees to pay. I have advertised it already. No one is interested and realistically, probably won't be. We already have 2 other vacancies that have been available for 2 months or so now..... I have 2 on call jobs here in San Diego so I am making a little bit of money to have something to do to pay part of the bills.

I think I may just drive up home every weekend or so. I just spoke to my parents today and there is stress to look forward to when I get back. The roof caved in so my parents got that fixed and fixed the walls are something at the house. They told me all my belongings are in bags. I don't think people realize how much crap I will have in bags including all the stuff I kept under my bed.

I just feel like a total loser. I just want to move back with my parents and live somewhere that will always be familiar to me.
I think Mr. Humble gave you the best advice. I won't tell you to snap out of it or look on the bright side ... I donít think you want to hear that now. But I will tell you that there is an amazing, enduring strength inside you. I know this because it is in all of us. I know you feel like life sucks right now. You are doing the right things (although I agree it may be time to switch docs). Take it one day at a time. This too shall pass, and you will come through this stronger and more resilient than you ever thought possible ... if you let yourself.

Now put away those bad thoughts and go to the beach.
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Old 01-26-2011, 05:46 PM
 
2,179 posts, read 4,199,735 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blondiel View Post
Try to find and connect with the alumni group in your city. If all else fails, go home and start over. I would not want my child depressed, on medication and seeing a therapist in a place with no family. Can you afford to pay the remaining lease? Maybe you can find something part time at home; enough to pay the rent, and pray that someone rents the apartment before your lease is out.

All of us have made mistakes. It is not the mistakes we make, but how we handle our decisions. Other options are to invite friends from home for the weekend and show them the city, plan something for your favorite people at work for a few hours on the weekend, plan and enjoy the free activities that your new location offers.

Are your issues only the job situation and the new city or have you had bouts of depression prior to your move?
I actually contacted people through the alumni group, but no one contacted me back LOL!!

I can't afford to pay the remaining lease (maybe 2 months, but that's it). I am just trying to go home as frequently as I can.

I invited a couple of friends (again more like acquatances though) from home and one is regularly flaking, and the other will probably come for a couple of days in a few weeks. I just find things like that are just quick fixes that help for a few days, but not something that has an effect long term.

I have had bouts of depression before. I go through ups and downs for sure of depression. It just seems like now that the depression I am going through aren't the same things I used to be depressed about. I used to not like my body, hated being shy, felt stupid, and didn't like that I really never had boyfriends.

Now finding a boyfriend isn't at the top of my list right now. I have casually dated since I have moved here, but haven't let it really interfere with my life as much as I let it in the past. I feel better about how I look and I don't feel as dumb as I once did. I was diagnosed with ADD recently after I shared concerns with my psychiatrist, and since being on medication for that, I feel like I am able to concentrate, actually feel calm in certain situations, can get things done. That has greatly improved certain aspects of my life.

The depression I am going through now seems to be relating to how the world really is, past regrets I have that got me in this situation, and that I have to be a "grown up", and independent for the first time in my life.

I feel immature about this, but with the exception of going abroad for college and of taking solo trips of the world (I only like to travel alone), I really have never been independent.
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Old 01-26-2011, 05:50 PM
 
2,179 posts, read 4,199,735 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Humble View Post
Medication and therapy for an employment false start in a strange town? Sounds like you made a mistake. Took a job that was wrong for you and moved out of town to do it. Are far away from old friends and family and lonely as hell. So, go home and start over. Move in with your folks for a few months till you catch your second wind and see things more clearly. Don't compound your problems with medication you don't need. Haven't you been following the Michael Jackson case? Just a little levity, and if it is not as simple as I am making it out to be I'm sure you will let me know. If you're of a mind to.
I have been on medication on and off for maybe 10 years now as well as therapy. My depression and anxiety kicked in for the first time in a long time with the new job and new job.

Moving back right now financially isn't in the cards for me.
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Old 01-26-2011, 05:52 PM
 
2,179 posts, read 4,199,735 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
What you need honey is a plan of action. Geez, if you are in San Diego like your profile shows, I'd be thinking of moving to a more affordable place asap.

You get this one life to live, and you alone can live it.

I know things haven't worked out like you would like, and that sucks.

But only you can change where you are.

We all go thru tough things at one time or another in life. Try to remember, it's not about saying "why are all these bad things happening to me???" but instead of saying "now that these bad things have happened to me what am I going to do about it?"
Again financially I can not just pack up and leave. I wish I had that luxury, but I don't. My rent is actually reasonable compared to most of San Diego.

I am trying to come up with plans for each thing. Working out, dieting, going to the beach, hiking, social activities, etc has helped, but I am still miserable.
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Old 01-26-2011, 05:54 PM
 
2,179 posts, read 4,199,735 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
I can't believe suicide is in your title... That's a very permanent solution for the very temporary problem you're having right now. You're in your 20's and being in a new city without a job hardly qualifies, particularly since you have a family you can always go back to.
I am not considering suicide. As crappy as things have been for the last 7 months, I know eventually they will get better.
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Old 01-26-2011, 05:58 PM
 
2,179 posts, read 4,199,735 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Humble View Post
I'm gonna take a shot and say there is more to this. You are feeling like a failure, and conspicuously so. You made a big show of moving to a new city for your new big job and you wound up with egg on your face. Your pride is hurt, and your stubbornness will not allow you to admit defeat. Unless there is a big financial consideration for your staying put, then why else are you still there? There are times when it's important to dig in and tough it out, and other times when that determination can make a fool out of us. A tree that won't bend will soon snap; and could be that's where the mention of suicide came from. Better to bend, take the hit, learn your lesson and find another way. You'll be all the stronger and all the wiser for it. And you may even end up with a better sense of humor on top of it.
What more to this do you think there is? Financial consideration is a big part of it. I have 2 on call jobs here, and I like where I volunteer. Also there are more job opportunities in my field here, than where I grew up so I am sucking it up and using the apartment to do my job hunting in. Unless I get a job out here in my field by when my lease is up, yeah I will go back home.

I have a sense of humor....
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Old 01-26-2011, 06:01 PM
 
2,179 posts, read 4,199,735 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by recuerdeme View Post
You should move shug.
Find happiness with yourself.
Get off the medication.
The meds have helped. Again I am a very anti. med person, but I feel that medication was something I needed.
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Old 01-26-2011, 06:04 PM
 
2,179 posts, read 4,199,735 times
Reputation: 977
Quote:
Originally Posted by akck View Post
Sometimes it helps to hear other's stories that there is light at the end of the tunnel and things do work out. Years and years ago, we moved to a new town for a job. It was a small community and the attitude we felt from many of the locals was, "who's job did you take away?" We were miserable and I didn't think we'd last the two years we had committed ourselves to do. About 10 months later, the company decided to move to a slightly bigger town, during which we considered moving back to our old city. We ended up moving with the company and the new town was a world of difference. The first words from many were, "Welcome to _______!," upon hearing we were new to town. Long story short is that we've been here for over 20 years.
Thank you. Yeah hearing other peoples' experiences help me get through this time in my life for sure. Especially helpful for babies like me in my 20s who always lived at home and now are entering the world alone.
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Old 01-26-2011, 06:29 PM
 
2,179 posts, read 2,813,930 times
Reputation: 2570
Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Manischewitz View Post
What more to this do you think there is? Financial consideration is a big part of it. I have 2 on call jobs here, and I like where I volunteer. Also there are more job opportunities in my field here, than where I grew up so I am sucking it up and using the apartment to do my job hunting in. Unless I get a job out here in my field by when my lease is up, yeah I will go back home.

I have a sense of humor....
I didn't mean to suggest that you have no sense of humor. I just meant that in perspective you see things for what they really are, and maybe even laugh a little about how bad you thought they were at the time.

When I said there might be more to this, I just feel so much pain and anxiety coming off your posts, to the point that it seems unwarranted given what you posted regarding your situation. I mean it's bad, but it's not that bad, is it? If you can maintain your standard of living while only picking up occasional work then I think you would agree that it could be worse. You know, there are some people that don't give two damns about what they do in life, never pressure themselves and feel not a bit of shame or guilt for not setting the world on fire. Then there are those, and I wonder if you are one of them, that put so much pressure on themselves to do well that you'll never appreciate your gains; 'cause you'll already be looking down the road for the next challenge. In my life I have been more of the latter and have only recently found a good balance. Just don't like to see you, anyone drive themselves crazy over the elusive American dream.

I am sorry that you have experienced depression and anxiety in your life. I've had some bouts of depression myself; to the point where I could no longer give a damn about anything. Worse was watching someone I loved very much need to be hospitalized. I won't play amateur shrink here, but just to say that I do believe that there are times when meds are over-prescribed and therapy can become a neverending carousel.

I truly wish you the best. I only offer you my opinion on these matters on the chance that I may be of some help.

Take good care, and learn to say f*ck it. It's all pretty absurd anyway, don't you think?
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