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Old 03-04-2011, 10:16 PM
 
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Can anyone give name to this behavior so I can research it? I have a friend who is exasperating because she is "too nice".
Let me elaborate by giving you an example of said behavior. You have a significant birthday coming up and she wants to know what you are going to do to celebrate it. You demure and say it's no big deal (and you mean it). She insists that something be done and presents several options. All of which you decline. She won't let it go and keeps pressing for some sort of party/gathering to mark the occasion. No amount of dissent from you deters her and she continues to aggressively pursue planning an event. Long story short, she, frustrated by all attempts to force you to "celebrate", marks the occasion with inappropriately timed party, cake, flowers, balloons etc. And never understands your dismay at her attempts to help you "celebrate".
She is too nice to a fault and you have no idea what is behind it. Other behaviors that accompany this are inappropriate and overboard reciprocation for minor favors, a need to please when it matters little to an outcome and an inability to recognize when she needs to stop and listen to objections.
I really want to research this for tips on how to handle it. Any help will be gratefully (and appropriately) received.
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Old 03-04-2011, 10:26 PM
 
Location: Morristown, TN
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People pleaser.
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Old 03-04-2011, 10:27 PM
 
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I don't see it as being "too nice". I see her as very insecure, trying to gain favor by doing everything she can come up with, for every event.
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Old 03-04-2011, 10:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mandyccp View Post
People pleaser.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I don't see it as being "too nice". I see her as very insecure, trying to gain favor by doing everything she can come up with, for every event.
Yes to both of you. But can you help me with a (professional) name for this behavior? It is obvious to me that it is aberrant and it must have a name/label in the psychiatric community. I just want to identify it enough to research it and possibly help her (or direct her to appropriate help).
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Old 03-04-2011, 10:48 PM
 
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She's not being "too nice" she decided what you need to do and wanted to get her way. You seem to have a people pleasing issue.

next time tell her "thanks for the birthday wishes, I'll let you know if I have any time to get together." Then don't call. Enjoy your birthday however you damn well please.
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Old 03-04-2011, 10:59 PM
 
Location: earth?
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What are you going to do with this info? Why do you call her a friend when you obviously do not like and respect her?

What kind of FRIEND are you to her? I would be devastated if my so-called "friend" bitched about my behavior on an international forum.

Maybe she's "too nice," but you are not nice enough.
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Old 03-04-2011, 11:23 PM
 
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Geez. Read my original post. I am not the one who is a "people pleaser". She has a problem going overboard. She is a decent and nice woman and I don't want to hurt her feelings, but she goes way too far to please when it is not welcome or appropriate. There is something wrong her and I need help identifying it.
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Old 03-04-2011, 11:27 PM
 
23,903 posts, read 31,130,282 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sayulita View Post
Yes to both of you. But can you help me with a (professional) name for this behavior? It is obvious to me that it is aberrant and it must have a name/label in the psychiatric community. I just want to identify it enough to research it and possibly help her (or direct her to appropriate help).
Jaysus. It's not rocket science, it's just insecurity and attention-getting behavior. She doesn't need to be analyzed. Google it if you need to...but don't be a drama queen about it. That's just as bad.

Last edited by ChessieMom; 03-05-2011 at 12:43 AM..
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Old 03-05-2011, 12:00 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
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She's not too nice, she's pushy.
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Old 03-05-2011, 12:05 AM
 
1,846 posts, read 2,639,729 times
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I agree with all the posters stating that your friend is a people pleaser.
The fact that she goes overboard and "demands" that something must be done to celebrate your birthday even when you stated that you did not want to celebrate seems a little aggressive and the inability to grasp the word "no" .

I see no serious issues such as the norm;
1. Co-dependant
2. martyr
3. Narcissistic
4. Egocentric
ect ect...
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