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Old 03-06-2011, 03:15 PM
 
8 posts, read 14,336 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
What kinds of things do you imagine they are talking about that you would "have an issue with?"
Things that are not their business. Where our kids should go to school, how we should decorate our home, how many hours I work, that she should ban my family from our house. Those are the kinds of topics her parents bring up with her. I think I should have issue with that, none of their business!
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Old 03-06-2011, 03:23 PM
 
Location: earth?
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You don't think the kid's grandparents should know where they go to school? Maybe you are the one with issues.
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Old 03-06-2011, 03:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
You don't think the kid's grandparents should know where they go to school? Maybe you are the one with issues.

That is not what I said at all. I do not think it is their business to instruct my wife where to send our children for school.
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Old 03-06-2011, 03:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
You don't think the kid's grandparents should know where they go to school? Maybe you are the one with issues.
You're not reading correctly. It's not WHERE the kids are going to school but they want to make the decision on the school the kids should go to.
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Old 03-06-2011, 03:52 PM
 
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I don't know what to tell you since you have 2 small children. People do change after marriage and obvious your wife feels she needs to tell her parents everything about her marriage with you. I'm hoping she's not telling them about your sex life too.

I'm assuming that both of you are in your 20's. I know that I'm very, very close with my kids BUT I would not talk to them 5 times a day nor would it be my place to discuss topics that they should be talking to their spouse about. It is very controlling of your in-laws. They don't want to lose that control over their daughter.

I think you also might want to bring up the control issues her parents have over her. She needs to see that it's good to let the parents know where the kids are going to school but it's not ok for them to be in the decision of picking the school.
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Old 03-06-2011, 04:05 PM
 
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They are both extremely controlling. I have told my wife that I fully believe that her parents would be overjoyed if I just disappeared and she told them she and the kids were moving in with them. She does not disagree with this belief. I think her parents cannot get over the fact that there is a person in her life that is (or should be) more important to her than they are. Both extremely insecure and controlling, I know I cannot change them and that it is my spouse's job to set the boundaries and protect me from her parents. Problem is that it seems no matter how many times I tell her to step up she always caves. Just feeling some trust issues here and not sure what a next step should be. I hate to threaten leaving, especially with two small kids. I think that would ultimately weaken the marriage but am not sure how else to let her know I mean business. I definitely know that I cannot continue living like this!
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Old 03-06-2011, 04:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rogueminer View Post
They are both extremely controlling. I have told my wife that I fully believe that her parents would be overjoyed if I just disappeared and she told them she and the kids were moving in with them. She does not disagree with this belief. I think her parents cannot get over the fact that there is a person in her life that is (or should be) more important to her than they are. Both extremely insecure and controlling, I know I cannot change them and that it is my spouse's job to set the boundaries and protect me from her parents. Problem is that it seems no matter how many times I tell her to step up she always caves. Just feeling some trust issues here and not sure what a next step should be. I hate to threaten leaving, especially with two small kids. I think that would ultimately weaken the marriage but am not sure how else to let her know I mean business. I definitely know that I cannot continue living like this!
No, you can't live that this and nor should your children. As your children grow up, these two will try to control your children more and try to cut you out. They will eventually if not now tell your children not to listen to you and come to them. They're trying to make you the outsider in your own family.

This new house, is it farther away from your home now? If so, I think the best thing to do is move farther away from these too. Is she the only daughter or only child? She is allowing herself to be a victim and allowing herself to be controlled by them. She needs to put on her big girl pants and step up to the plate and tell her parents that she's a grown women that needs to make her own decision with her husband about her marriage and her children. Period. No discussion with them, just statements of what will happen. And give her parents consequences to their behavior.
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Old 03-06-2011, 04:15 PM
 
Location: NC
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i think youre fighting an uphill battle hun, and i am so so sorry...

i think you really need to evaluate your life, your marriage and how the future is looking. I know thats not easy to do.

i cant imagine consulting and conniving with my folks about my life. I call them to tell them what im doing, not ask them what to do....
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Old 03-06-2011, 04:29 PM
 
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She is either too afraid to stand up to them which is possible since they freak our if she ever defies them, or likes the unhealthy relationship the way it is. I agree that things will only get worse and if they ever try to turn my kids against me well, lets just say I would not take too kindly to that . I don't want to be controlling myself but feel I need to lay down the law with how much she tells them and the frequency of their calls since she won't lay down the law herself. Is it unreasonable in this situation to tell her to limit her calls to once a week? I feel that for an adult child (36) that is frequent enough to keep up on each others lives without obsessing or being intrusive.
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Old 03-06-2011, 04:39 PM
 
3,573 posts, read 5,457,311 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rogueminer View Post
She is either too afraid to stand up to them which is possible since they freak our if she ever defies them, or likes the unhealthy relationship the way it is. I agree that things will only get worse and if they ever try to turn my kids against me well, lets just say I would not take too kindly to that . I don't want to be controlling myself but feel I need to lay down the law with how much she tells them and the frequency of their calls since she won't lay down the law herself. Is it unreasonable in this situation to tell her to limit her calls to once a week? I feel that for an adult child (36) that is frequent enough to keep up on each others lives without obsessing or being intrusive.
Oh, no, she's way, way too old at 36 y.o. to let 2 controlling people take over her life. I have a controlling mother that controls my 3 brothers but not myself or my kids anymore. BUT at one time, I allowed this women to take over my life and control me and my children. She tried to not only control my kids and myself but she tried to separate us as a family. People like her are toxic, nasty, cruel, a bully and someone to stay way, way away from. It took me a number of years to finally tell her to buzz off. The only reason why I finally told her and my brothers to take a leap and get out of our lives was because they were trying to control my kids to the point of talking about me to get them on their side so they could have total control.

My advice, get them out of your life now before your kids get any older. They are poison and will make your children dysfunctional like your wife.
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